The Boudoir Experience

budiouphotoAs you may or may not know I signed up for yet another Boudoir Photo Shoot, even though I had done one early in the year. The photo shoot was so much fun, the pictures turned out great, and it turned out to not be a complete robbery of my wallet to get some of the professional pictures. All last month I was working out, walking, and eating a little more carefully in preparation of the Boudoir action I’d be getting.

I collected more little outfits to wear at discounted prices and made sure that they fit. Believe it or not as it came down closer to my photo shoot time I share with my coworkers I’d be getting it done. They were excited for me and so I buzzed with excitement when they day finally came.

This time I was going to try a traditional corset where someone ties you up so you can’t breathe, can’t move, and in general can’t think with it on. My husband instructed me to breathe in and out at the opportune time and of course I breathed out when I should have breathed in because he was trying to kill me. Those little strings pulled tighter and I wondered if the corset was giving me a bear hug I could never get out of. He kept on pulling and pulling obviously enjoying seeing me squirm in pain.

When he was all finished he had me try to bend over, I could barely accomplish this and had to bend at the right angle. My wonderful hubby then said it was too loose if I could bend over, so I ran away from him and stupidly drove myself to my photo shoot.

I nearly crashed into the car in front of me more times than I can count. I told myself to focus on the road but my mind kept on trying to find solutions to breathe better without pain. That corset choked my rib cage with a vengeance and I wondered how women did this when this piece of torture was a fashion necessity. This time for my cover up clothes I wore my little shirt dress that I love since I can’t imagine wearing the corset with jeans. Once I got to the location they sat me down (ouch!) and fancied up my hair and put on some smokey eye makeup plus some fake eyelashes.

This time I was so much more relaxed to be half-naked with another woman in the room who coincidentally had a camera with her. I could feel myself less guarded and also less hyper this time. The smiling and different looks came easier to me, and I was out of my head with being self-conscious. And not being self-conscious when you’ve spent your whole life being that way is definitely priceless.

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Fulfilling A Dream of Mine

budiouphotoAs you may or may not know it has been a dream of mine to have Boudoir pictures taken of me. I was always made fun of for my weight, bullied for my strangeness, so I could never see myself as a model or even being photogenic. I’ve just recently tried to embrace having pictures taken of me especially on vacations because there are so many pictures where I look miserable. And, it’s not that I wasn’t having a good time, it’s just I hate that damn camera and being told not to make ‘that smile.

Needless to say when the day came for my Boudoir photo shoot I was me than prepared, but also extremely nervous. I’m not very good at direction and tend to scowl at any camera pointed in my direction especially when I’m being instructed to smile a different way. With this in mind it seems kind of crazy that I would willingly wear little clothes and have a stranger take pictures of me.

The night before the Boudoir photo shoot was a mess of trying on clothes, tossing them aside, moving to the next, throwing it in a pile, and being a general ball of stress. Clothes I had decided I wanted to wear to the photo shoot turned out to not be okay once I tried them on again and I didn’t quite know what to do at one point. My husband tried to help and he grabbed a blue corset I hadn’t thought about using which turned out good, and luckily I ended up with enough.

My husband agreed to take me to the place for the photos the day of and we ended up there ahead of time. I’m not going to lie that the building looked rather shady, and when I couldn’t find a way into the building my nerves started acting up. Luckily, I got inside, my husband walked with me in, and I got my makeup and hair done.

It’s kind of like a transformation process for me when I wear makeup and definitely with fake eyelashes on. You become like a different person, and changing into my lingerie took it to the next level. The photographer luckily showed me the poses beforehand because if I wasn’t shown to pose a certain way I would probably just stand there awkwardly. Having instructions to follow helped me get out of my head and more in the moment.

When I finally was able to see my pictures from my photo shoot I was amazed with how many I liked, and how many more I even loved. Getting these photos from the shoot wasn’t cheap, but I can’t wait until I can have them in my hands.

Booking a Boudoir Photo Shoot

When I look at pictures of myself I am always trying to hide something. Having a picture taken of me is like the worst form of punishment because I never think that I look good in them. If I’m not trying to pose a certain way to hide my stomach the picture was probably taken without me knowing. That’s what comes to me when I think of pictures, hiding a part of my body, or being ashamed of it once I see it.

budiouphotoI think that a boudoir photo shoot is maybe the perfect way to face my body, accept it, and have pictures where I’m not trying to cover everything. Any other point in my life I’d think about doing something like this and laugh, but I’ve booked the photo shoot and I’m getting together the clothes (or lack thereof) that I need for it. After I booked my appointment I got this email of what to expect for it, wear bright lingerie, bring lotion and false eyelashes if you want them applied for the shoot.

It’s funny how my appointment, which I booked finally over a month ago, is coinciding with all of my interviews I’ve been doing this week. I’m not sure if this is a reward, or one more thing to be stressed about.

I don’t really own any high heels, or makeup, and I’ve never bought false eyelashes in my life. Now, I did have the false eyelashes for my wedding so I know they look good on, it’s just I don’t even know what to look for with getting them. To say that I’m not a girlie girl is a definite understatement, but this whole new life in a new place has taught me to do things I’d normally laugh at. Or, even try something that I could never see myself doing.

My boudoir photo shoot is booked, coming up, and I am looking forward to it. It will either be an escape, or another thing to worry about, but I’m doing it either way.

Flashing a stranger my bra

No, I did not take a one ticket plane ride to Vegas, got drunk, and took off all of my clothes without knowing, this was intentional. I thought I was prepared for the semi-annual sale to try on the limited amount of lingerie that interested me and was, of course, discounted. Lingerie being discounted is like catnip for me. I’ve taken notice of the women with dilated pupils clawing through bras and panties so I was not the only one.

The first time I came, the line had twenty people in it, the second time just as much, and I’ve learned that don’t buy something you haven’t tried on… Especially with a bra. That bra may look so pretty in the store, like my recent rhinestone bra I bought without trying on with the last sale. But, when you wear it with a clingy shirt it makes you look like some kind of bumpy breasted monster. I love looking at the bra, it’s my first and last sparkly bra because it shows through all of my clothes. I am now wary of rhinestone on any bras.

Luckily, this time, there were only three people ahead of me in line and so I took my place. My turn came up and the lady asked for my name, and something I wasn’t expecting.

What’s your bra size?

I kind of looked back at her, thinking knowing a bra size should help them if I need help. I told her last time I was measured what the size was, she looked at my chest, and shook her head.

I don’t think your that size, I think you might be this size. Let me measure you again.

I said that was fine, and maybe thought about measuring because of losing a lot of weight recently. She shook my hand twice, and I assumed the position of arms out to the side, and then at my waist. She told me the size she thought I was at bra wise, and went back to get it. The bra she came back with was tiny, and I kind of held it out in front of me with a surprised look. “I just am so not fitting myself in this, I mean, yeah, I just don’t think this will fit…”

It was my turn and I took my tiny bra and my reduced bras in the bag with me. They told me to try on the tiny bra, press the button when I was ready, and then my bra expert would be in to check it out. I rarely flash women my bra, if this happens I’m probably in Vegas wearing too low-cut of a shirt. I squeezed myself into that tiny bra and watched as my chest exploded from all sides, and front.

She has got to see this, which was my first thought. I pressed the button, she came in, and I pointed out the spillage from all sides. I went up another size, still felt like the bra had a vice grip on my breasts. I went up another size, it was better, I could breathe, but I still felt like my original size was the one I was most comfortable in. Then, the whole collection of bras were pushed underneath my door to try on in the I’mnotgoingtodie sized bra and I was seriously overwhelmed. There was like eight bras for different styles and to see which one I liked best.

I took a breath, and turned my attention to the two bras and cute little sleep number that I had originally brought with me. All I could think about was the line outside waiting for a room to open up and it’d only take me a little bit to see if I liked them. Plus, bra shopping is like bathing suite or jean shopping for me, it seriously gets uncomfortable trying on multiples and it gets less fun as I keep on going. I tried them on, liked them but didn’t necessarily love them like I can’t live without them in my life.

Then I remembered the boudoir photo shoot I bought and I have to muster up the courage to do one of these days. I needed a sexy little thing for that! Went back to the sales rack, came back, tried this little corset sexy thing on. It was in the size of one of the tiniest bra sizes they tried me in, and it definitely didn’t fit as a corset either. I was bummed since it was so cute on, and all I needed was just one size bigger. I went back to the racks, kept hoping for that one size bigger but it alluded me.

I left there empty-handed and with all of my excitement for shopping for discounted panties and bras sucked out of me. I flashed a lady  my bra repeatedly and squeezed myself into tiny sizes that squished my chest from all sides. Oh, and I locked my keys in my car and my husband had to drop off my spare key… It was quite a day.

What have I gotten myself into now?

So, I signed up for something that sounds like it’d be a lot of fun and if someone knew me and my dirty thinking ways it’d totally make sense. Except, if you also knew me besides my ability to make anything and everything sound dirty then doing this doesn’t quite make sense. Because, I’m not exactly shy, per se, but it’s even a little out there for me. And, I don’t mind showing off my chest area but I haven’t worn a pair of shorts outside in public since… um, I can’t really think of the last time except to go to the pool. And, I wear a cover-up over my shorts so I don’t think that counts.

Yes, I know, “Alright, Sarah, what did you do?!” Okay, I will admit it, I signed up for a Boudoir Photo Shoot. I’ve never done one before and I think the closest I’ve come to it is wearing my ‘Vegas clothes’ which are actually like corsets from Victoria Secret out on the strip. With jeans, of course, and my sneakers because I can’t wear sexy heels because I might break my hip from falling over.

I’ve seen special deals for it before advertised on those deals websites and I always go to the website and check out the pictures. But, this one was so nearby, and sounded like such a steal, that I impulse clicked it.

The husband was of course very interested and then I told him it would probably be done in a hotel. Which, he then said, “That sounds kind of shady… it’s going to be done in a hotel? Really?” Which I would totally agree with him but this actually I think is more common, because every site I’ve come across that does this has their pictures done at a hotel. Plus, I don’t think I’d ever want someone at my house because how would I get them out? Maybe if I go to the hotel I’ll say to the front desk people, “If I don’t come out in three hours, please come to this room number and barge in with some hot policemen!” Because, maybe I could use the hot policemen for my boudoir photos I keep for myself as a really early birthday present.

I’m also, like any other woman out there, very self-conscious about my body. From my chest up I’m fine, from my stomach down to my legs I’m not so much a happy camper. But, I can use this as a birthday gift for my husband since I seriously don’t have a clue what to get him. And, I’m hoping it’ll be like a gift for me to accept my body and be dressed up like a half-naked rock star.

Want a snuggle time movie? You chose wrong!

Me and the man tonight went out for a little date night action and this involved going to a new Italian place that I swear was maybe a Mexican place when I stepped in. The outside screamed super fancy, but the inside was kind of cozy and casual. And I say it hinted at Mexican because of the colors for some reason were just so bright, and vibrant, that I was a little thrown off when I opened up the menu. I was of course happy though because I am insanely addicted to pasta and absolutely love it.

I haven’t had pasta in so long it seems that I think I went into overdose once I started eating it and those first few bites were like heaven to start off. Then I kept on stealing my husband’s food (I do this… he’s used to this… no one stops me) and he had some amazing potato bites that I stole more because he wasn’t paying attention to his food and guarding it enough.

We then went to see Bourne Legacy and slipped into the theater a couple of minutes after the previews had started. You could see the couple behind us were snuggling, lovey dovey style behind us in their seats. Obviously this was movie date night, which looking at the lady behind me I was wondering if she was ready for this Bourne movie. I know I was, but this certainly wasn’t a romantic comedy and you of course have punching, hitting, killing, and all of that stuff.

Well, I will try not to give things away but it got to maybe part way through it and the movie got pretty violent(er). You could hear them talking in the back, “Oh, what does that mean? Ah! Awww! No! Oh no! AH!”  and all that and clearly were not happy with what was going on. The guy was consoling his girlfriend and they were not happy campers. A few minutes later, they clearly walk out of the movie not to return again, she had her purse on her shoulder and he was exiting with her. Me and the husband just looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders. The man loves his action flicks and I’ve seen Bourne before so I knew there would be chasing, running, and killing.

I don’t think this guy briefed his date on what was going to be happening. He certainly did not get brownie points for that movie selection for sure, and it was quieter in the movie theater after they left so that was bonus for us.

My Best Asset – the Chest!

Me and the man were talking on the phone yesterday and got on the discussion of my best asset. He feels like I have many great assets and anything attached to me is my best asset. The man is really sweet like that, he even loves my legs, which I’m not such a fan of.

I would definitely say my best asset is my chest area, which is just the right size and something I’ve loved to show off since I’ve gotten them.  Unfortunately, with my job it is not a smart idea at all to be showing cleavage popping out of your spa uniform when you’re working. I keep every button on there buttoned up and it’s quite big on me so my clients probably think I’m a huge monster without the uniform.

One of the new estheticians was doing training and I walked into her room.  She had a lot of cleavage going on so I exclaimed, “Whoa! That is a lot of cleavage!” She looked at me funny, looked down at her shirt, and promptly tried to drag it back up while telling me how weird I was. I didn’t mean to throw her off, but you don’t want to be having ‘the girls’ out there especially when estheticians work on male clients too and you don’t want to have the wrong perception going out there.

I’m still scared I will come across a major creeper who will try something with me. I’ve had that once in my career and unlike how I planned it my head (i.e.- elbow him in the crotch and hit the panic button) I was so terrified that I just wanted to run out of the room because he kept on saying crazy things and ended up touching me several times.

I hate being touched, so I make sure to send that message to my clients through body language. I will be touching you for an hour, you will not put your hands on me. Especially with guys the whole possibility of them touching me creeps me out so I make sure to button up to my ears if I could. People still think the joke of ‘happy endings‘ is funny, which it isn’t, especially since I paid over $14,000 for my education and I pay even more in continuing ed and to keep my license. I am a professional and should be treated like any other professional out there. It’s just hard because of that joke and the sometimes twisted perception people have of what I do.

Vegas and the Drunken Cartoon Characters

I never was able to talk about the Vegas trip I had in December, but with going to Vegas earlier in 2011 you would think I’d see everything. This trip, I even saw something that had me scratching my head.  I was used to the guys (and some girls) who had the ‘Girls, girls, girls’ naked women cards for calling a girl into your room or something like that. Last time they hit two cards together making this strange clicking noise to get your attention. This time, they snapped their finger against the card to try to mimic the sound.

If I say anyone trying to sell/advertise/get me to grab anything I’d switch sides with my mom. I’d be on her one side at one time, then I’d quickly switch to her other so I made her closer to them. They never bugged her about anything, but I would get the naked women cards pushed into my space and they left my mom alone with it.

We also saw this:

Which, shows you Garfield has hit very hard times. He hasn’t had lasagna for so long that the yellow cat has taken up drinking on the sidewalk. But, it wasn’t just Garfield, it was Mickey, several Mickeys, Mario and Luigi, Daffy and Donald duck, and even more.

I know how troubled a cartoon character can be hitting hard times, so I let my mom take her pictures on her own. I moved as far away as possible so the characters wouldn’t come after me if they were upset at the picture taking.

But, she was successful at documenting the many, many rough times for looney toon characters and many more.

My mom actually gambled this time meaning she spent $20 at one time while I mainly lost about $5-$6 after my big time spending. I mainly go to the penny slots, and she does too, but she got enticed by the game, “Deal or no deal” and lost like $10 in 2 minutes. So, this game was definitely ‘No Deal‘ and we stayed away from it the rest of the trip. But, we stayed close enough to watch other people get into the bonus round where you get to pick cases and all that. One guy who was playing it won like $50 and I kept telling him to cash out. He didn’t listen and lost the rest of his money, which is what you need to know about gambling. Even if you’re up a little, cash out and run! 

We also saw dirty shows the entire trip for every night we were there. We saw Peep Show, Anthony Cools hypnotist, Chippendales, and Amazing Jonathon. Every show we saw was a hit and a lot of fun. I really enjoyed seeing Peep show and thought their take on the nursery rhymes being sexy was a lot of fun and the dancers and singers were great.

Anthony Cools hypnotized people and they had sex with chairs and many dirty things. Another dirty thing was having a guy think he was getting flashed every time he heard his name, but there was more than just that. My mother could have been so easily hypnotized, because he did a test to see if you were able to be hypnotized and she definitely passed it. She didn’t go up on the stage and the people who couldn’t be hypnotized were quickly taken off the stage and he easily signaled out.

Chippendales was a hoot and a half and the women reacting to the half-naked men was worth the price of admission. Amazing Jonathon was a lot of fun too and he had new material that I hadn’t seen on the TV specials.

We had one of our best trips ever and actually got along really well. I took her out to Mon Ami Gabi for dinner, Wolfgang Puck, and Koi, which is inside of Planet Hollywood. Unlike some of our trips before the food was really great this time, and so was the service. We had a really great experience with that as well so I was definitely happy we didn’t end up someplace high-end and have bad service, or bad food, or a combination of both.

My mother is already planning another trip for us to go to, and seems to be travel planning 24/7.

Romantic at the Heart of It

In a couple of months it’s going to be the man and I’s 2 year anniversary. Since he’s quite a romantic, and so am I, I’ve been trying to brainstorm what we should do for it. He’s had chocolates dropped off at my work before for our anniversary, has gotten me flowers, I’m definitely very lucky. It’s just that I don’t quite what would be the right surprise, and what he’ll like the most.

Should it be a romantic dinner and going to some place really nice? A show that we both can check out together? A night in where I try to cook him dinner? Us doing something together that we’ve never done before?

The first time I cooked something for the man was an omelet that I thought I was going to wow him with. We had an electric stove so I placed the glass plates that I was going to use on one of the burners I seemed to think was off. I was flipping the omelets with expert precision and everything was going well until I heard a loud pop.

There was an explosion, glass went everywhere, including cutting me on my hand. The glass plate became projectiles and luckily he didn’t get hurt, but I did. All of my hard work on the eggs had to be tossed out because glass pieces got inside of the hot pan too. I had to redo the omelets and they weren’t as good as my first production. I was very flustered and kept on apologizing for my ditsy move, especially since we had only been dating for a few weeks.

I thought I had blown it with him, obviously I hadn’t, but I was so worried. My intentions were in the right place, but my execution was terrible. Never put glass on a hot electric stove burner, that is just a recipe for disaster! So, that is how it works with my cooking. I either explode glass into tons of little pieces, I over cook, under cook, and end up throwing out my own creations. While he’s like a cook, and a baker, and everything in one. He can even make cookies from scratch. Which, to me, is like amazing.

And they taste amazing too, he made a huge batch of homemade cookies for my work last year. I ended up sharing the cookies I wasn’t as crazy about, while I hoarded the ones that were super tasty. I think maybe we will try to make cookies this year and I’m going to do more than just watch him and being the first to taste test the batches that come out.

I think that is on the list of what we can do together this year. We could maybe try doing a cooking class together so I could learn how to not explode things in the kitchen, but I think I get territorial over the kitchen when I’m in it. I get very self-conscious when someone is watching me and then I make even more mistakes because I’m super nervous. I asked the man what he might want to do and he responded with a “I don’t know”, so I’m trying to brainstorm what would be some really cool ideas. He always takes care of me, so I want to do something special in celebration of our 2 year anniversary.

You say potato, I say tomato

I feel like sometimes me and the man suffer from polar opposite effect. He will be up and raring to go, feeling fantastic, and I will basically be dead as a door nail and out of commission. Then there’s me feeling just fine, dandy, awake, kicking it, and he just feels tired, exhausted, sleepy, ready to hit the hay. It’s a you say potato, and I say tomato kind of thing going on.

Maybe it’s because our job schedules are all screwy. He gets the weekends off and I work the weekends and basically want to drink myself to sleep/death after a really hard day. We seem to be on some kind of polar opposite alignment and sometimes we line up just fine, but other times, it seems like we just can’t seem to match up with feeling great at the same time.

Like, for as busy as a work day as I had, I’m surprisingly awake and dealt with it fine. Actually ended the work day with a good amount of energy that didn’t fizzle as much as it usually does when I get behind the wheel. But, he had himself a hard time sleeping. Sleeping together used to be easy, yet now it’s gotten into a complex science.

You have the Queen sized bed this day, now I’ll have the King sized bed that day, now we’ll sleep together but I’m gonna put ear plugs in so I can’t do that on a day I work. It’s not his fault, it’s my fault, I tend to be a restless sleeper until I actually fall asleep where I concentrate on every possible drop of water from the sink, every creek upstairs from people walking around, and every inconsistency with the fan. I concentrate on pretty much anything and everything and waste time just keeping myself awake. And, I don’t want to keep him up just because I’m feeling restless.

It’s just aligning the stars sometimes for the both of us to feel in the same great mood, or even just in a good mood where we both aren’t exhausted because of our work.

I realize with relationships there is a give and a take. There are days that will be great, days that you will both be exhausted, days just one of you will feel like crap, and all that. You stick with each other together through what’s going on and make the best of it. Coming home to the man is definitely a wonderful thing and something I look forward to. Even if he’s tired, or I’m tired, it’s all worth it to have the hug when I come home and just to feel like I’m at home when I’m with him.