What have I gotten myself into now?

So, I signed up for something that sounds like it’d be a lot of fun and if someone knew me and my dirty thinking ways it’d totally make sense. Except, if you also knew me besides my ability to make anything and everything sound dirty then doing this doesn’t quite make sense. Because, I’m not exactly shy, per se, but it’s even a little out there for me. And, I don’t mind showing off my chest area but I haven’t worn a pair of shorts outside in public since… um, I can’t really think of the last time except to go to the pool. And, I wear a cover-up over my shorts so I don’t think that counts.

Yes, I know, “Alright, Sarah, what did you do?!” Okay, I will admit it, I signed up for a Boudoir Photo Shoot. I’ve never done one before and I think the closest I’ve come to it is wearing my ‘Vegas clothes’ which are actually like corsets from Victoria Secret out on the strip. With jeans, of course, and my sneakers because I can’t wear sexy heels because I might break my hip from falling over.

I’ve seen special deals for it before advertised on those deals websites and I always go to the website and check out the pictures. But, this one was so nearby, and sounded like such a steal, that I impulse clicked it.

The husband was of course very interested and then I told him it would probably be done in a hotel. Which, he then said, “That sounds kind of shady… it’s going to be done in a hotel? Really?” Which I would totally agree with him but this actually I think is more common, because every site I’ve come across that does this has their pictures done at a hotel. Plus, I don’t think I’d ever want someone at my house because how would I get them out? Maybe if I go to the hotel I’ll say to the front desk people, “If I don’t come out in three hours, please come to this room number and barge in with some hot policemen!” Because, maybe I could use the hot policemen for my boudoir photos I keep for myself as a really early birthday present.

I’m also, like any other woman out there, very self-conscious about my body. From my chest up I’m fine, from my stomach down to my legs I’m not so much a happy camper. But, I can use this as a birthday gift for my husband since I seriously don’t have a clue what to get him. And, I’m hoping it’ll be like a gift for me to accept my body and be dressed up like a half-naked rock star.

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This party isn’t for you … It’s for me!

So, I told one of my work girls yesterday that I finally had a wedding date. Yesterday was my first somewhat ‘slow’ day in what feels like over a month where I had some openings sporadically, but mainly I was pretty consistent. She lit up with the news and I told her how the fiancée said he was going to do a Bachelor party but he wasn’t quite excited about me having the same kind of party. He seems to think that I might be bad and there might be male strippers or something. And, this is where if he was here I’d look at him funny and say I just went to Chippendales with my Mom, of course I’d go a bit crazy.

The gal I was talking to is a friend of mine and we’ve known each other for 3 years. She started planning and thinking about throwing me a party. See, I wasn’t expecting anyone to do anything for me. My mom was maybe hoping to throw a party for me and my people at work before I had to decide that I would leave after I got married. She wanted to hold like a reception for them and since I’d be gone, the plan was nixed.

But, my friend got super excited and she got that glimmer in her eye. I know the look, it’s the ‘okay, I’ve got an idea and you are going with it!’ kind of twinkle in her eye. She talked about a penis cake and a sex toy party and suddenly … I have a Bachelorette party.

And then, of course, knowing me I feel guilty. I say I don’t want to be a bother and that she doesn’t have to. She talks to one of the hair stylists I’m friends with who has her own house and suddenly the party is at her place. They tell me after I try to go through why they maybe wouldn’t want to throw me a party that ‘This party isn’t for you … it’s for me!’  Which cracks me up and they say it gives them an excuse to have a party and why wouldn’t they throw it for me? They talk the time to talk about stuff when I’m busy with clients so I’ll leave it up to them. I gave them a possible date if they wanted to do it so if they go for it and plan everything out. It’d be a free-for-all anyone can come to it which is nice because I do love and enjoy everyone I work with.

To varying degrees and depending on the day may affect the love, but overall there isn’t one person who I walk in and go “Oh, no, it’s a day I have to work with you.” I get along with the front desk girls, hair stylists, nail techs, and of course my little estheticians with me in the Spa.If my friends at work want to hold the party for me and want to do it I’ll welcome it. They didn’t have to, but it’ll be nice to have a last hurrah. It’s just not so great that I’ll have to leave soon afterward.

That isn’t so sexy… how about something else?

I am more than an advocate for my honey always telling me how pretty, and how sexy I am even in my worst of times. But, even he has his moments where I want to shake him. I was walking around in my comfortable P.J.s and he asked me where my other ones were. I thought I knew where they were, but didn’t know why he was asking me.

“Because those ones are sexier…” 

To which he had me stomping around trying to find the ‘sexy’ ones so that I didn’t look like I was in a sack. Of course, I know what he means, but still. If you like sexier PJs then get them for me, if not, I will wear my comfortable stuff especially after work. I then changed into something, and grabbed a different top, and he told me he’d like the first thing I’d wear instead of what I was holding.

I swear, seriously? I cooled down later, of course, but was huffing for a bit after that.

My better half makes my home complete

He’s finally coming home, tonight, which this week feels like it’s moved so slow since the moment he left. And, like I said, he is used to living alone and has been alone for a long time before he met me. I’ve always been with the folks or with people and it definitely is quite a different feeling when you are in an apartment and there is no one else in it with you. It doesn’t feel quite the same, it feels empty, but also not as complete. Home is where the heart is and my heart is with the man, and so it’s been quite a disconnected feeling having him gone.

I even got the apartment somewhat ‘prepped’ for him. I know that one of the things we do is to get our Starbucks water cups ready from the tap and he likes a lot of ice in his cup, me, not so much. My teeth tend to be sensitive and he likes everything cold, so I got his empty cup, filled it up with all ice, and then put some water in it. I set it inside of the room with the Queen bed so he’ll have it ready.

I also ended up writing a little note and putting it on his bed… telling him how much I missed him. Plus, the get well card I got for him and I to send to his Step-Dad since he just got out of the hospital and broke his ankle by falling off of a ladder. I swear, his Step-Dad does way too much handiwork around the house and should take it a lot more easy, but he wouldn’t listen to me, the man, or anyone else. He likes to do what makes him happy, and fixing things definitely is a big hobby of his.

LL (the caterpillar) is in his Chrysalis since the last time I saw him. When I left him he was hanging from a ‘J’ position and very still. I went over to the folks to do some laundry and to sleep over, which, of course, that place used to be my home before I moved in with the man. Now, I feel like a stranger in my old room and that twin bed keeps me up all night tossing and turning! On Wednesday I went in to my work to get a facial from one of my little estheticians and I’m also going to be taking her out this Sunday for post-date birthday celebration. I’m thinking I might get her some flowers on Sunday too because I found out she loves them and thought a cute little bouquet might be nice.

She’s one of the few gals who knows about my personal life, and was the first and only person to find out the day when I got engaged. I told her how much I was missing the man and she asked me if we were killing each other yet spending so much time together with me moved in. The thing is, that hasn’t been a problem and I ended up telling her that I couldn’t be happier to come home to him especially after a long, hard day at work. Even though I’m paying for ‘rent’, this now feels like our place and a relationship has to be two people working together. Not one person who takes, takes, and another who gives, gives, and who end up resenting each other in the end. There’s a give and a take, and you need to both work together as a team, even though my mother tells me that she made every man she was in a relationship with pay, and do, everything. She even had my father pay off all of her credit card bills before they got married. I know how that turned out in the end… not well at all.

I told the gal during the facial that I could have all the money in the world, and be miserable, and be alone, or, I could be with the best person I could ask for, be happy, have maybe less money, but find and hold onto the love of my life. She was kind of funny, she said to me, “What got into you? That doesn’t sound like you at all! Did something happen?” Me and her both have this thing about money, we like to keep it, we don’t like to spend it, she’s like my fellow money sister when it comes to how she handles it. But, I just told her it’s me just realizing how great it is to move in and be with the man. Plus, just trying to work through my issues with money, even though I’m not perfect.

And, having him to come home to and just getting a hug from the man, and cuddling up to him when we do watch TV is wonderful. And doing that consistently is even better, plus, just finally not being a gypsy may be a big help too.