The Hits Keep Coming

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I’ve taken a long break from this little space of mine. I distance myself from people, things, friendships, and relationships. It’s a process that I find a little home to be myself, I don’t feel safe with it, and then disappear. I’m like vapor that can never quite be caught my another. With one situation being rectified, another comes to the surface. And yet again, I’m teetering. But, there are beautiful things in this world I appreciate.

My friendships, newfound and special to me. One even lasting three years even though we’re both people with a cynical approach on the world.

A newly floundered friendship where I’m just waiting for them to get bored with me. Somehow, I make friends with easily bored people. Luckily, I’m a complicated mess of a person to get to know so there’s a lot of layers to uncover. Always one more when you uncover another, so yeah.

Losing my career, trying to find it, surgery and health conditions that just add to a never ending list. That’s not exactly a thankful thing, but it’s forced me to slow down and do more that I would normally never do. Because it makes me look at my mortality and realize that every day this life should be lived to its fullest extent. You just never know.

Distance is still there between my family, it’s endless. I don’t and won’t trust them to be there for me. I will be there for them if they need it, but I can’t rely on them. The cycles of gossip and telling me to just get over things has never been useful for me in my life. I tell my brother not to share information and he goes against my word and spills everything to my mother. I feel like I’m in an endless gossip circle that has never benefited me.

This game of telephone where my words are taken, used against me, and they make endless ridiculous scenarios out of them.

I’m in a certain sort of limbo, my arms and legs flailing in the air. I make the most of it but I’m terrified of the edge. I know what’s coming, but I don’t want it to come.

Posted by soulfulsarah on May 20, 2017

https://rubhub.wordpress.com/2017/05/20/the-hits-keep-coming/