Even your mother may have Olympic dreams

A picture I took at the botanic gardens

One of my favorite stories my mom has told me is when she was a kid she wanted to be an Olympic figure skater. This always makes me smile and crack up because when she first told me this I asked her, “Wow, so you were really good at skating, huh?” And she would always tell me that she could barely skate, she wasn’t any good at it at all. But, in her head, as a kid, she just really wanted to do this. She wanted to be in the Olympics and compete as a figure skater and it reminds me that even your mom was a little kid and she had big dreams like you did when you were little.

I always thought my mom thought she would be in the Olympics to compete as a horseback rider but it’s just the figure skating that she wanted. Personally, I wanted to be in the Olympics with my horse to compete in jumping. We couldn’t seem to figure out dressage and jumping was just so exciting.

Plus, it didn’t hurt that my horse loved jumping. She lived for it, we’d head towards a jump and my heart would be racing and she just ran at it like she could crush the jump. You could feel her excitement, you could hardly hold her back as she headed for a jump! Every other horse I ever rode you would have to push them towards it, wait to see if they would stop at the last second and back out, but she always headed toward it like she couldn’t wait to do it. And I couldn’t wait to jump over the fences, the adrenaline was amazing, and our combined excitement was like bliss. My horse was a great jumper, so much more agile than any horse I’ve been on and she even jumped high obstacles with the same zeal as little tiny poles on the ground.

I loved it, I loved it even more with my horse because she took so much joy in it too. Out of so many years of riding and jumping I’d never met any other horse like in her in my life. She was a bull-head, with so much personality and quirks that she always kept me on my toes. She was a brat and dangerous as a little filly, rearing over me, and refusing to stand still for me to mount her. My mom refused to ride her until she calmed down later because she was so dangerous as a young horse. There is my mother, grandmother, and my grandfather were all horseback riders so I’d think my mom would want to be in the Olympics as a rider.

Of course, as a kid, I’m not sure if my mother enjoyed jumping as much as I did. I get a kick out of adrenaline rushes and I swear to you there is nothing more of an adrenaline rush then cantering your horse to a jump and soaring through the air with them. It’s amazing, and even more breathtaking when the animal underneath you is just as pumped to do it.

When me and my horse would compete in jumping she would be even more excited. She got a kick out of people looking at her, she even liked the camera and would even pose when you took pictures of her. You could even tell that my horse enjoyed the competition, she’d get so nervous and so anxious she’d be ready to burst and I swear I could just hear her thinking, “Oh, yeah, just try to beat that. I am hot stuff!” 

I knew logically I could never get to the Olympics, but in my dreams me and my horse made it and we were kicking butt and taking names.

Hit the Reset Button and I’m ready!

I feel like Sundays are the perfect day for re-setting my body and the perfect break to a crazy weekend. It’s like hitting a little red button that tells me everything is okay, and the perfect little buffer to keep on doing this career. I’ve been working on this day for the past few weeks so I have to admit that even though the money I’ve made picking up this day makes me salvate, I recognize it’s a good day to have off.

And, I must admit, making extra money gets me to salvate enough that I’m probably drooling a bit. But, having this day off does give my body, arms, hands, and back a chance to breathe and not hate me as much.

My weekend had me at 90% booked for the day so I was working hard for my money! Luckily, my clients I had were about medium to firm pressure which is just like perfection for me. Not too light that I can’t find where their tension is, the pain, and I can’t work things out, but not so hard that I’m mainly sweating my butt off. I feel like I can relax with them in the massage and at the end of it especially I can just stop thinking, stop wondering what’s next, and massage with a clear head. If the pressure is extremely tense it’s hard for me to breathe and I can’t relax if I can’t breathe during a massage. I mainly tense up, hold my breath, and switch to my elbow if my hands start aching.

It’s not as easy as it sounds with switching to my elbow. I seem to have a very pointy elbow and generally reserve it for deep tissue massages (mainly guys) who I can’t deliver the pressure with thumbs, fists, and fingers alone. I should be using it more often, but have always felt uncomfortable with transitioning to it. I don’t know why I have such a complex against it, yet I do.

Nothing quite compares to the moment where my head clears at the end and I’m just massaging.

I’m not thinking about my lunch, I’m not thinking about my next client, I’m just breathing deeply and feeling and trying to connect with where they have tension. It’s a moment where I listen to my body to see where the strain is, adjust it, and keep going to stay my most relaxed. I’m also not watching the clock, yet at the same time I’m in tune to it. This is where five minutes of the massage will feel like just one minute, and you can kind of get lost in the moment of what you’re doing.

The Tree is up! It is decked out in Vegas lights.

As you may all know, and are very much aware, my fiancée just loves Christmas. It is his time of year, his birthday follows around the corner, but he isn’t as unlucky as my poor brother who has it right during the month of Christmas so he generally gets everything lumped together that is called ‘Christmas’ and is told, “Oh… yeah, the Christmas wrap… that’s for your Birthday too!”  Though, ever since I have gotten a job, whether it has been decent paying, or like my first one, minimum wage, I have spoiled my brother in both categories.

My fiancée is all about the tree. Not the crappy attempt at wrapped presents that I made underneath the tree, not even the ornaments which are pretty and all ‘fancy ornaments’, the ones he likes. No, he likes the Vegas showgirl lights on the tree.

And that he can read his book from the lights on the tree.

While, you know, me, I’d just like the tree to have a few sets but otherwise not go too crazy on it. We were part way into the whole lights thing, and I didn’t even know this, so he asked me how the tree looked. I said, well, dear, I think that it has more than enough lights. To which he gave me a shocked, horrified expression, as if I stepped on a puppy Santa had given me himself, and told me, “We are putting more lights up, I just wanted to know where on the tree it was still dark where it needed to be covered.”

Never mess with a man who is obsessed with lights, we put on like three more strings after that.

It feels nice to have the tree up, and I’m personally more impressed with the spread of presents I have underneath it. There is stuff for my brother (of course, I am like Santa Claus with how much I get him), stuff for my fiancée, and stuff for my co-workers. I know what you may be thinking… Presents for your co-workers? I can’t stand working with the people I work with! I mean, I’m barely able to stand them at work and I try my best to ignore them but they are like the worst! Well, I do love my co-workers quite a bit, especially my little estheticians who spend the most time with me back in the Spa, crack me up, and are part of the reason I have so much fun back there.

Getting gifts for my co-workers is one of my most favorite parts about Christmas. I can be totally creative with them, I can get them whatever I want, yet I know their tastes and what they do/don’t like, and I don’t have to call them up to make sure. My family can be so difficult with what I get them, and my brother is a party pooper with most of his gifts being gift cards.

Even if this year will be the last Christmas with my girls from work because the man’s job will move, I’ve decided this doesn’t mean I can’t spoil them. If I have to move, which it’s looking a lot like I will, I’m going to do everything I want to do for them with no regrets. My spa girls mean a lot to me, they’ve been a sounding board the few times I feel like talking about my life, and they’ve been my help when I’ve been behind. I’ve even gotten gifts for a hair stylist I enjoy talking to, and a nail technician I’ve known since I’ve started working at my work. All of them I’d call my friends, so as a friend of Sarah’s, they get to be spoiled by me.

Needy families need the gift of giving

So, my work is generally all about us doing stuff for the environment, or helping out with things, or giving donations, we are pretty good about that. But, this year was the first year that we adopted a needy family. Well, the one family was quickly snatched up with our giving tree so we had another one which is also all gone too with the little mini trees with what they need.

It was one of the cutest things that one of my co-workers did. She grabbed several trees with needs on them and one of them was for a little girl who wanted a Barbie. So, she not only got her a Barbie, but she got her a Barbie who does her profession. A hairstylist Barbie, which I thought was so nice and neat and she kept on exclaiming, “It really works! The shampoo bowl works and everything! Plus, they can color hair and all that.”

So, I went up to the posted trees and grabbed my own tree. It was for a grocery store and I just recently, like yesterday, got the gift card for the person I never met and got the cutest little gift card, it was an adorable little penguin. I gave my gift card to my manager today so she can give it to the place that will give our gifts to the needy families. We are also doing a canned food drive as well for a pantry.

My Christmas shopping is pretty much all done. I know what you’re thinking… “She’s a freak! She got all her shopping done? Before Thanksgiving?! No way!” Well, I hate dealing with the crowds went it starts getting close to Christmas and being trampled by animals-tic shoppers looking for the perfect deal. I’ve always been an early shopper, the key to it is just being done with it after you get everything for everyone, instead of buying more and more gifts on top of what you’ve already finished with. My brother’s birthday is coming up very soon too and I’m all finished for his birthday. And I think that I’m done for Christmas with his shopping.

Tomorrow is going to be mine and my fiancée’s two-year anniversary since we first met. It seems like we’ve been together for so much longer than that and I don’t know how I haven’t had him always in my life. He’s my rock when I need someone to lean on, and he helps me to calm down and feel at peace when he’s around. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my life than to spend it with him. I knew he was the one for me since the moment I saw him and it’s been history ever since then.

Stuck in a state of Limbo and the game Pong

It's like a game of pong with your heart on the line

The man and I have spent the last few days just talking about the prospects of him moving and what we’d have to do. He’s excited about the idea of moving and really wants this job. I’m… less than excited, though willing. He keeps saying that he’s sorry every time he says that he definitely hopes he gets this job which will up and move the both of us.

It’s terrible with this whole waiting game. He listed the three major things he was worried about last night. I will give you two of them, because the third I can’t quite remember.

1) I won’t be able to deal with the change of the move/can’t find a job.

2) His company won’t pay for the moving expenses. He doesn’t have the money to come up with to move everything we own that far away.

I think the first one is definitely his Number One worry about it, while mine is him getting the job and then them deciding they don’t need that job. Or, this job not being as easy as the person before told him it would be. See, he was suggested to get this job by this lady who had it, and then decided to go with another company. She made it clear to the man who it was about the easiest thing out there, but I’m thinking it can’t be as easy as she told him.

Still, hopefully it can be a job where he goes home and then he doesn’t have to answer 3-4 calls at all times of the day, even late at night when we are sleeping, to fix something that went wrong. That, even when we are on vacation, he has to do his work even when he’s away from work he can’t even enjoy the vacation because every day they are calling him.

Every time I get a text from the man lately I think he’s gotten the news about the interview. It has thrown me off at work because I’ll see that he texted me and start hyperventilating, wondering if this is the moment when we find out. I read it and find out that it’s just another sweet text from him, without any foreboding news about our future. It also scares me that in the beginning we are going to be a long distance relationship at first and I know how hard those are from experience.

I want to move down there once I get a job underneath my belt, and I don’t know how long that is going to take.


I need to be strong because you need it

I was told by one of my co-workers that she was going to see the doctor about something. And, she got her results today. It was pretty much one of the worst case scenarios, she has a tumor, and it’s in her brain, and I kind of thought of everything else it could have been. But, when I saw her today and she was off work yesterday I knew it couldn’t be good. The thing is I really do like her, so finding this out hit me like a ton of bricks. I had this horrified expression on my face which must have been so bad that she told me to stop before she cried even more.

So, I sucked it up and sucked the tears back into the ducts. I kidded around while inside I was spinning. I’m needing to be strong for everyone, for my fiancée, for my family, for my career, for the unforeseeable future that may be coming. Yet, for this day, that strength meter was pretty much tipped a little too much and I felt like I was fighting the need to break down all day. The day didn’t help because instead of being busy, I wasn’t, so I couldn’t hide in my room, massage, and not come out until the end of my shift where I can just go home and then process through it.

She’s someone I’m close to, as close as you can get to me. I’m holding everyone at a distance and keeping that up for a while. This is my battle to fight and not anyone else’s, but I let her know if she needs me to step in or lean on or anything that I’m there for my co-worker. There’s not much I can do, except let her know that the support is there.

Will (literally) work for food!

Don't worry, I'll eat your scraps...

Okay, so I was a little spoiled a little bit ago at work where I gave out two massages to two of the gals at work. I was extremely bored, didn’t have too busy of a day, so took them back in my room and did some work on the table. Well, with the one gal she ended up getting me lunch, which I was so excited about that I think my eyes were about ready to pop out of my head. She told me she’d get me lunch and then I heard one of them say, “Whoa, Sarah, maybe you should sit down…” It’s just I don’t treat myself to too much when it comes to food and I basically never go out to get lunch. I bring in frozen food meals, thankyouverymuch.

I lucked out with some lunch, but then I promised one of the girls I’d give her a tune-up massage after she got off from work so I did a little something something for her. And, in return, she got me a cupcake. But, not just any cupcake, like chocolate or vanilla, but a special kind…

A s’mores cupcake, I absolutely love marshmallow. The only way to make it better is to mix it with peanut butter!

After all of this showering of food I kind of felt like the whole “Will work for food” was literally me. I was so excited and happy, because normally I’m the one getting little gifts and special things for my girls at work when they aren’t feeling that well. None of them know what I’m going through personally (my fiancée’s job, he’s basically gone all this week, coming home for a little bit, leaving for next week, his job is in jeopardy, we may be moving, he is totally stressed out and scared, the wedding is on hold until we know what’s happening, etc, etc.) but it was a nice little pick-me-up. Especially since I was going home and ate my lunch I got for dinner that night.

Oh, and today I had the most awesome pumpkin cake with the most delish homemade frosting… like, ever! Fortunately, it was awesomely tasty, unfortunately I couldn’t stop at one slice and ate about four of them. My bad. Then my stomach felt like I dropped a brick in it after eating all of those slices and massaging afterwards. It was so worth it though, and if I could do it all over again, I’d probably eat another slice.

Food Demos are like free buffets

My family has this thing of loving to shop around when they are giving free food out to sample. And, it’s even funnier when I’m with my mom because if there is something she doesn’t want to try, but she thinks I might like, she gets two of them and hands them both to me. Then, she encourages me to go up and get my own on top of the two she got for me. Needless to say, you can get pretty filled up if you keep on doing that over, and over again. My brother will whisper to me to get him something too so we seem to have this whole system going on.

We went to a healthy food store and they had like a demo going on today with free shakes. But, the shakes weren’t that great, way too healthy for me. It reminded me of the shake my mom would try to force me to eat before I left to school so I’d excuse myself from the table, smuggle the glass with the shake, and basically pour it into the toilet and flush it down.

It was a horrific shake, and one of the worst things I’ve ever tasted. You could tell the shake they were demoing today was not a fan for the kids. They would scrunch up their noses and try to pass it off to their moms… and the mothers would just shake their heads and push the cup back at them. I had to agree with the kids, it was not that tasty and brought back bad memories of being made to eat the horrid stuff my mom used to try to force me to eat it.

I was with my mom today because the man left on a business trip today. He will be back by Wednesday, but until then, I have the place all to myself. And what you may, or may not know, is that I don’t do that well being alone without him. I used to having someone in the house/apartment with me, even if we aren’t in the same room, there’s a certain kind of comfort to having someone with you. This place just feels lonely, empty, and not the same without him. I’m trying to wean myself into being okay without him here, because he’s going to be making business trips all the time.

It’s just not that simple to be alright with him gone, so my mom came up to spend some time with me so I’d have less time by myself.

Hormones are a dangerous thing

Hormones make you want to crawl into a hole...

I have the cutest, sweetest, client who comes to see me and she used to see me more often but their financial fund kind of dried up. She’s just one of those people who you meet and you’re kind of like “You can’t be for real… I never knew someone like you could exist!” Just as sweet as marshmallow fluff,  and so we’ve gotten to know a little about each other over time. She’s one of those few clients I discuss a little of my life with her, and she does the same with me. The last time I was really concerned about her because she came in my room and started crying, and it truly did kind of break my heart.

When she told me why, it really broke and then tore my heart still beating onto the ground.

She and her husband are trying to have a baby. But, unfortunately, it’s not as easy as it is sounds. She has the same thing that I have: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was diagnosed with it just when I was a teenager, I’ve been on birth control pills ever since. It’s where there are a ring of cysts encircling the ovaries. When they found out about it I had a cyst the size of my ovary, or bigger, that I continued to have for 2 years. Being put on birth control pills was rough, I went through different brands that made me physically sick and the patch which made me want to scratch my skin off and like it was burning my skin at the same time. I’ve gone off birth control (of course, before dating anyone) with no success. I can’t be regulated without it, I’ve tried and failed.

My client tried to get pregnant the natural way, but had to resort to hormone injections. And, they were just making it too much for her to handle that day. It makes you feel pregnant with all of the side effects and just really is like, what I would think, being dosed with steroids.

I want her to get pregnant so badly. I know she wants it so terribly, and I find it so heartbreaking. She’s only a client of mine, but since the last time I saw her I was worrying about her. She was so funny when she came in, she said she was craving Mexican food and Mexican music. She told me she thought maybe, possibly, she might just be pregnant. And I want her to be. I wish I could make it happen because you can see it in her face, and even feel it in her body she has been working so hard to make this work. My client would be such a wonderful mother since she is so sweet, and I could see her spoiling her little boy/girl like crazy.

My client even asked me, since she was really thinking maybe, possibly, she might be pregnant if the massage might hurt it. If I was early in my career I would scared to do it, because I don’t want to do anything to mess it up. But, massage can be done in any period of the pregnancy, and I’ve had tons of experience doing it from the first, second, and third trimester. We talked about her family this time, and her husband’s family, who she loves, is going to drive up from god knows where to get bring her craving for Mexican food home to her.

It’s such a fine line to tread… I want to ask her if she is pregnant the next time I see her, but I will be so heartbroken again if it’s not true. I’m going to let her take the initiative, she knows I’m so rooting for her. If she comes back and says she’s pregnant, I don’t care if I’m in a Spa, I am going to leap for joy, make a ruckus, and I’m hugging her. It would definitely make my day to find that out! I feel like she’s meant to be a mother, and she’d make a wonderful one.