It’s a conspiracy against me

So, my husband got me an iphone and I know what you’re thinking if you are an apple person, “Noooo!! You should have waited, the newest iPhone is coming out any time and they didn’t tell us when but it is sooo coming and it will be the awesomest!” My brother mentioned this several times when I first told him I had an iPhone that I needed to wait and my current phone situation was that I wasn’t going to have one so yeah… I couldn’t wait.

I don’t know anything about smart phones, I’ve had a basic phone all my life, a flip phone, and those seemed rather simple and easy. I got the smart phone because I was allowed to and it sounded like it might be cool.

Plus, the phone has Siri. I already formulated ridiculous questions to ask her, like the of course famous one of: “Siri, where would you bury a dead body?” She, to my surprise, answered it quite efficiently by mentioning funeral, crematorium, and a dump/ditch. I chose the dump/ditch, and she more than readily told me the closest one to me. I also asked her what is the meaning of life? Which she readily gave me this lengthy answer of being nice to people, living well, and a whole paragraph of what it meant. I talked to Siri so much the first few days that my phone battery was completely drained pretty quickly.

But, I tried something different last night after I watched my husband play with her. He kept on saying stuff in French, Japanese and German and she kept responding back to him in that language. He knows basically three words of each of those three languages and she understood him and carried on a conversation which probably translated went, “No way, you just asked the great Siri if I speak French? Why, I’ve been programmed with so much French I could make your head spin!” I was a little bummed when my husband told me she was programmed for those three languages, but not Spanish.

I know a lot more Spanish than I do all three of those languages, I kind of wanted to practice my Spanish with her and get a little more fine tuned at it. But, that’s not going to be happening because she’d just tell me I don’t know what you’re talking about if I asked her how she was in Spanish.

Then, I’m on this blog and she says that her husband just tells her to say Sumimasen while she is in Japan because she’s planning on getting in a lot of trouble and he says that is equivalent to saying your sorry. In the blog post he even pronounces it for her with the syllables so I’m feeling pretty good at getting this right. I activate Siri and speak into it: “Sue-me ma-sen.” It sounds great to me, Siri takes a few seconds to think about it and in the Australian accent I chose for her she says: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re saying. Would you like me to do a web search for Siril Malsen/Sulen Maltide/Silly Masen?”

I try over and over again to say this phrase, I accentuate so she gets I’m trying to speak another language, but she keeps on coming up with these ridiculous web searches for what I’m saying. Finally, I try again with another phrase: “Domo Arigato.” Again, she comes up with these weird searches while my husband just said it once, each time, and she totally understood him.

I think it’s a conspiracy against me, maybe my husband is the true master of the Siri. Or, with her Australian accent programmed in she has a harder time understanding me… maybe.

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I hate my job, that’s just not me

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I hate my job! I hate working! I wish I never worked another day in my life, wouldn’t that be the life? Just doing whatever you want, whenever you want, not working for the man?”

Of course, for me I only worked for the ‘man’ once, mainly I’ve worked in an all woman environment with my careers. Well, I am living your dream right now, and probably my co-workers dreams too. For the first time in years I am without a job, without a schedule, I don’t have my magnificent room and I am not seeing any clients for massage.

While I feel like I have my roots in the ground a little with being married to the hubby, finally having him there after 2 months of being separated, you know I’m adrift without a job. One of my girls from work texted me and asked me how “the free life without work” was? So, this is free? Not having a passion to work for, not having a team, co-workers, to kid around with? Not being one of the oldest people in seniority to tease the new people and put them under my wing if they are working in my Spa?

Where I worked at was amazing to me with my last two weeks, which of course made the heartbreak worse because you know I thought they’d hate me. I got cards from clients, gifts, cards from my managers I worked with, free hair and make-up on my wedding day, even though officially I wasn’t even an employee even more. I called them from the car as me and the hubby made our way to the airport because I realized in our rush I hadn’t paid for anything! I was told I didn’t have to, it was covered.

I probably would have cried again but I didn’t, there was still too much to do. I’ve become what I’ve always sworn I would never be, I’m become somewhat domesticated.  While the man is gone I clean, I organized, do dishes, and have even cooked very simple dishes so that when he gets home the food is ready for him. I have to do something to earn my keep, and even though I’m jobless, I have more than enough money to go without a job for months and months, even with paying my monthly bills. I have saved a lot of money from when I was working, and when I did have a job I only spent out of necessity, almost never for pleasure.

I didn’t realize how certain days I’d be feeling almost useless without having the structure of a job to make me feel accomplishment. It’s not even about the money that I make, though I know many people have said that. It’s about the teamwork I have with all of the departments, hair, nails, spa, and being the go-to person for when things fall apart in the Spa.

I like being on the ground floor for when a place opens, it’s how I’ve worked as a dog groomer and as a massage therapist. Now, I will be going into an established Salon/Spa with their people who have been there for years and I will be the new person. I just hope my good karma for always being nice to people who came to my work will be in my favor. I know how people can get when you are new, especially in an all-girl environment. It can be a jungle out there, only the fittest survives.

I’m gonna take your money, honey!

So, the fiancée was going through all of the money he has in his bank accounts and transferring them between accounts. He kept on telling me to remember one number, then another, and what they were combined. Well, they were certainly a lot combined and he told me he yet again got another bonus from his work. I started to give him this sly look with an evil smile and he told me to stop looking at him that way. I said that was a lot of money, and he thought I had the most money out of the two of us?

I couldn’t help playing with him though. I’ve been lazy putting my cash tips inside of my cash box that I save for a rainy day so when he wants to screw with me he picks up my cash money and does a little dance with it. He even talks to the money and makes me chase him to put it away again.

He also says how he looks in my cash box when I’m not around and throws it in his bed so he can sleep with it.

So, you better believe when there is an opportunity staring right at me to play the same game back at him I will take full advantage of it. I kept looking at him with this jesting smile on my face playing with him about how much money he had. He started to get paranoid and said he was going to look up pre-nuptial agreement online. I walked back into the bedroom and the fiancée followed me saying there wasn’t any point to getting one for him, but he could get one for me and my money. Even when I think I got him when I’m playing around he still ends up winning.

Of course, we were just playing, but with my last ex he actually told me I couldn’t get married to him until I signed it. He was independently wealthy, never worked a day in his life, and so he didn’t want me to take all of his money.

He also said when we were basically coming toward the end of our relationship that I only wanted him for his money and his mother was right about me. We were in a long distance relationship, I never asked him to do anything for me and that’s just the way I am. I’m okay with giving to people, but I don’t like owing anyone anything if I get gifts in return. He was so fixated on that, and all of the money their family business illegally squandered away for both him, his sister, and the rest of his family that he always seemed to think people were out for it.

I’m very happy I walked away from that, yet it gave me another complex for money. Right now my cash box, which is this box that holds all of my cash tips in it over 2 years (of course I’ve taken some for myself to use on a day-to-day basis) is inside of my fiancée’s room. And, for the first time in a while, my cash tips are out and I don’t feel too paranoid for doing that and having them out in the open.

Well, that’s a lie, I don’t feel paranoid until he spots some, holds it in his hands, and starts doing a money dance with my cash tips. That’s when I hide it in a lower shelf so he can’t see it.

The Snack Smackdown

I’m bringing the smack down on these girls for when I bring in my snacks for my work lunch. I pride myself in a multitude of delectable, exciting, and a wide assortment of snacks to go along with my frozen food entre. I admit maybe what I’m eating with the frozen food entre isn’t as exciting as my snack assortment, but I find anything noteworthy that I spend only $2 to buy when they’re having food delivered at the cost of $10 or so for just a sandwich, if not more.

I bought some grapes, and some little apple packages with little caramel packets to go with them, dried fruit chips, and more. Their jaws are going to drop when I bring in my little fruit assortment to work, they always act surprised when I do something like that.

One of my favorite things to bring in to snack on at my lunch are veggie straws and humus. I never used to like humus until about a year or so ago when I tried some humus that a girl brought in to work. To my surprise, I loved it, and there are only certain brands I pick and flavors I’m interested in. I used to be just a garlic humus girl but with some brands the garlic would be enough to repel a vampire, let alone my poor clients, so now I go with the roasted pine nut humus.

I like to take all the space on the counter when I eat. I don’t share well at my lunch time, I don’t like being bothered, I don’t like being talked to, and everyone knows to stay out of my spot in the breakroom. I’m a pretty pleasant person but mess with me when I’m eating and I might just flip out because I end up being so hungry. And, if there’s no place to sit in the breakroom, someone is going to get up especially if it’s the only time in the day I can eat, which lately has been every day I’ve been working.

It doesn’t help that with our venting system any food cooked in the breakroom is wafted up the ducts and into my room so I smell all sorts of food while I’m starving. It’s like a form of twisted torture smelling food while you’re massaging.

This week is just filled with me working, training, like 6 days out of the week and even on my day off I came in to get a massage (oh, I know what you’re going to say, poor baby, she had to get a massage on her day off). I didn’t get a normal massage though, but one of our specialty massages, so while it was a really good massage, there were steps missing from this specialty massage. Which, means I will probably have to come in, schedule something and get a model to give the therapist a quick demoing session on the massage. I don’t mind though because I want to take full advantage of the opportunity to train. It took me going on four years for them to feel confident in giving me full responsibility for the training all of our new therapists and even though it’s more work, I am excited about it.

So, I’m having extra snacks, healthy snacks, for me to look forward to on my work shifts. I also really like making the people I work with jealous over my adorable and tasty snacks I bring in … what can I say? I’m just a great co-worker like that.

I Live Like I’m Poor

I have these huge issues with money, and I think it’s all stemmed from my childhood. My parents have always fought over money from when I was just a kid and even up until this day. Watching them always fighting about money, and every time money was brought up there would be a huge fight. I think that even my brother has been affected by this because he seems to be careful with his money. Since I first started receiving money for birthdays, Christmas, or whatever the occasion, I have squirreled away said money.

I never used the money to buy something immediately afterwards, such as candy, like a normal kid probably would. I had a bank account when I was around 12 years old so I’d go to the bank and put my money in there. I might save the money up over years and buy that thing I really wanted. When I was just a kid I saved the $25 I’d get for Christmas and my birthday over several years to finally get $200. I went to a tack shop and saw this horse stable for plastic horses, and bought the little wooden stable with my money I had saved up.

But, besides those rare moments, I don’t allow myself to get anything. I live like I’m poor, and log my money that I spend from the cash I use, to my debit/credit card, and write it down in this file I have on my computer. I categorize everything I spend money on, from food, to groceries,  and every little thing I might spend my money on. There is a separate file I have for my monthly bills and how much I spend on them.

My fiancée definitely doesn’t do this, and I’m the only one I know who does keep such a money tally. He works a lot differently when it comes to money, he is not a saver, and this is something I’m more than aware of. It’s one of the things my parents constantly fight about, one spends more, one tends to save more, and the one who does the spending gets yelled at every time there is a new receipt on the counter. I don’t want me and the man to ever be like this, so when he spends his money, I don’t attack him and try not to bite his head off. It’s difficult because my first reaction is to chastise him for it, but I try to stop before I can act out that reaction.

I don’t want him to lie and hide what he does with his money because I’m going to come down hard on him every time he buys something. It’s just I have such a complex about money and I find myself planning ahead for when I don’t have a job and I’m getting nervous about it … of course. I’m trying to stay calm and not revert back to my crazy ways, but the thought of being unemployed when I have to move away certainly doesn’t help the situation.

You win me over with Good Deals

There is something that it is totally my Achilles’s heel, even though I am not a buyer and about the cheapest person out there. And, I’ve discovered the ease and wonder of online shopping on top of this weakness of mine. I just can’t help but to get entrapped in really great shopping deals and discounts and it seems to get me every time. See, being a salesperson myself (which is funny, because I thought I’d never deal with selling retail in my life but now I do it for being in massage) it’s hard for them to talk me into stuff. I see their ways of getting me to buy more since I may use it myself (Buy one, get one free, 1/2 off, etc.) and I can be a hard customer.

It’s not that I’m mean, I understand their job, I’m just the type of person to respond to the question of, “What are you looking for?” With the response of, “I’m just looking.” If I do buy, I never buy big. The only time I’ve ever bought big, talking about hundreds of dollars in one time, is with my product backorder I do through my work every few months.

But, having a discount on something does get me to drool. And, if it’s around 75% off I am probably stalking those items several times and staring greedily at that big discount sticker on it.

See, one of my Spa girls at work got me some tea from this fancy tea place. I normally don’t drink tea but have discovered it through this natural grocery store I frequent so I’ve been drinking tea occasionally. Well, her tea was so fancy schamcy that I had to find a way to brew it in a strainer since its loose leaf, and recently went to where she got the tea for a strainer and have been having it every day. This high-end tea store has a sale online and since the store is always so crowded I jumped on the deals and ordered myself more tea, another tea strainer, special Hawaiian honey, and a few other things.

I put what I spent last night on my January bill tab I keep track of in my online notepad because I felt kind of guilty for getting it. And I say this as I sip my high-end Christmas tea gift in the Starbucks mug the fiancée got me. I also got an in-store Christmas gift set Buy 1, get 1 free of these bath products I just love, even though he got me a whole hatbox full of bath/soap/etc. products for Christmas!

Sometimes, I gotta admit it … I really am a product whore.

Don’t assume I don’t have an education

I had a client yesterday who was a rare find for me to come across in my career… he was a talker. Now, I don’t mind talking, but pretty much 99.9% of my clients don’t like to talk during the treatment. Those who are in the .1% can talk about a wide range of things, yet you can group them into a couple of groups and they will fall into that.

Group A- I want to ask about your personal life

Group B- I want to talk about what’s going wrong in my life

Group C- I want to talk randomly about everything

I’d say a lot of my talkers want to talk about themselves, or if they are one who keeps on questioning about my own life, I will try to make the conversation be more about them. I don’t even like talking about my personal life to my co-workers, let alone a stranger I just met. The worst is when they get you to talk about your personal life and then start judging you. This drives me nuts, I just can’t stand people judging me especially when they absolutely don’t know me.

My guy yesterday was a definite talker. I haven’t come across a talker in a while, and with guys I find I’m not as much at ease talking to them as I am with my women clients. I’ve had some guy talkers have their conversations go into some weird places and it can make me uncomfortable. This is even rarer than coming across someone who wants to talk, but it’s happened before.

So, we were talking and he was a Group A. Wanted to know everything about me and this profession. How many hours I needed for massage school, if I went to massage school, if I needed liability insurance, how many different massage techniques are out there, what are the differences between chiropractic massage and massage in a spa, can massage be covered by health insurance. Whatever you can think of to ask me about massage he probably asked me. Clients in general might be a little bit curious, and he was definitely way past just a couple of questions about my career.

Then, he made an assumption I hadn’t heard before. “So, you went straight from High School into Massage School.”

I corrected his assumption, I let him know that I was in both college and massage school at the same time. Not only was I doing both of these at the same time (while juggling being in massage school full time, basically 5 days a week at 8 hours a day) I finished both massage school and college at the same time, in the same month. He then asked me why I didn’t continue with college and finish my Bachelor’s. I told him the truth, I just didn’t want to be bogged down by $30,000 or more in debt with a degree I may, or may not, be able to use. While I’ve been using my massage degree and license since I finished school.

Everyone who comes across me in this career think that this is just something I’m doing until I can’t do it anymore. I know this is the route I am taking even if I don’t want to admit it. Massage is physically demanding and tough on my body. It’s just that in the end the love I have for this career makes it worth the physical exertion I put myself through, which is true especially on the weekends.

Splurge

I’ve already started to get my Christmas presents for my family and the man… is this bad? Should I be faulted for a false start for starting it even before the end of Halloween? For someone who isn’t the biggest fan of Christmas I tend to start my shopping very, very early. So early, in fact, that by the time December rolls around I tend to have all my gifts in a basket and I’m ready.

My brother will be doing what I normally do for Christmas… going somewhere else for it. He will be traveling from December 21st through actual Christmas day. The man wants me to get time off the day after Christmas so we can go down to see his family. I know he really wants me to try, but I’ve already got that time off in December to go down to Las Vegas with my mom.

They were already to spit fire at me for that, they might actually chase me around screaming, “NO!” for asking for another day off in our time where we prep for it months in advance. Holiday season is big stuff where I’m at, and that time, and the time afterwards, is our “busy season.”

And you know what my Achilles’s heel is and we got the form in for that too. Our product order form is in and I’m adding, subtracting, adding, taking it away, for the products I want and it’s even more stress because we still don’t know about his interview for the move-away job. I’m needing to get more stuff than usual and before it’s run out since I need a big supply with it if… well, you know, the move actually happens.

Tis’ the season to splurge but I’m still fighting it.

The List of “I want this… now!”

Restaurants are a must for the list!

Every Christmas, like clockwork, my brother makes his needs wants well-known for what me and my mom should get him… which ends up mostly being me. I feel somewhat bad for him because his birthday is right around when Christmas is. Oh, and the man’s birthday is very near to Christmas too, what a coincidence, huh? I swear, my brother and the man have more qualities similar than they’d like to admit. Part of those qualities is being very difficult to buy for.

My brother gives me the list of gift cards to buy for him. This includes a grocery store gift card, a fast food chain gift card, and last year I got him a nice restaurant gift card that could be used at multiple locations.

He then used that gift card I got him on his other sister. I feel a bit of a burn from that, but will still end up getting him a ton of stuff any ways.

This year I already got one item from the list. He wanted a Queen, black, plain sheet for his bed. He keeps asking for this sheet but I refuse to give this to him until his birthday. My mother already gave away her furry Alpaca feeling blanket she got for him, I will not cave in beforehand. He won’t die without it and that means one less thing to get on his ‘List.’ If you try to get anything that is not on the list he will stick his nose up at it and you will regret spending your money on the object. And, most likely, you will stupidly take off the tags so now there’s no way of getting that money back.

The man doesn’t give me a list, but there’s an unseen ‘list’ to adhere to for him too. Pretty things, but they have to be his style, and he told me a few electronic things like a steamer which I’m not exactly feeling. I did find something cute for our anniversary and I’m thinking of going someplace for it too. The question is, where to go?

And, I guess I shouldn’t be complaining about my brother and the man. I’m not the best to get gifts for anyways. The problem with me is that I don’t ask for anything, and I don’t really want/need anything. I hate asking for things even if it is a gift and I think that anything the man comes up with is perfect, my brother takes my not asking for anything as a loophole in the system. He has to be told some kind of gift card he can get for me or else then he ends up getting nothing because he can’t think up of anything. Or, well, I’ll give him that excuse.

The last gift I got my brother that he was super excited about was this face cleanser from my work. He immediately hopped in the shower, used the products, and came up saying, “My face feels all tingly.” Well, I don’t think it’s supposed to tingle, but he was pretty dang excited about it that I let him say what he wanted.

Hormones are a dangerous thing

Hormones make you want to crawl into a hole...

I have the cutest, sweetest, client who comes to see me and she used to see me more often but their financial fund kind of dried up. She’s just one of those people who you meet and you’re kind of like “You can’t be for real… I never knew someone like you could exist!” Just as sweet as marshmallow fluff,  and so we’ve gotten to know a little about each other over time. She’s one of those few clients I discuss a little of my life with her, and she does the same with me. The last time I was really concerned about her because she came in my room and started crying, and it truly did kind of break my heart.

When she told me why, it really broke and then tore my heart still beating onto the ground.

She and her husband are trying to have a baby. But, unfortunately, it’s not as easy as it is sounds. She has the same thing that I have: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was diagnosed with it just when I was a teenager, I’ve been on birth control pills ever since. It’s where there are a ring of cysts encircling the ovaries. When they found out about it I had a cyst the size of my ovary, or bigger, that I continued to have for 2 years. Being put on birth control pills was rough, I went through different brands that made me physically sick and the patch which made me want to scratch my skin off and like it was burning my skin at the same time. I’ve gone off birth control (of course, before dating anyone) with no success. I can’t be regulated without it, I’ve tried and failed.

My client tried to get pregnant the natural way, but had to resort to hormone injections. And, they were just making it too much for her to handle that day. It makes you feel pregnant with all of the side effects and just really is like, what I would think, being dosed with steroids.

I want her to get pregnant so badly. I know she wants it so terribly, and I find it so heartbreaking. She’s only a client of mine, but since the last time I saw her I was worrying about her. She was so funny when she came in, she said she was craving Mexican food and Mexican music. She told me she thought maybe, possibly, she might just be pregnant. And I want her to be. I wish I could make it happen because you can see it in her face, and even feel it in her body she has been working so hard to make this work. My client would be such a wonderful mother since she is so sweet, and I could see her spoiling her little boy/girl like crazy.

My client even asked me, since she was really thinking maybe, possibly, she might be pregnant if the massage might hurt it. If I was early in my career I would scared to do it, because I don’t want to do anything to mess it up. But, massage can be done in any period of the pregnancy, and I’ve had tons of experience doing it from the first, second, and third trimester. We talked about her family this time, and her husband’s family, who she loves, is going to drive up from god knows where to get bring her craving for Mexican food home to her.

It’s such a fine line to tread… I want to ask her if she is pregnant the next time I see her, but I will be so heartbroken again if it’s not true. I’m going to let her take the initiative, she knows I’m so rooting for her. If she comes back and says she’s pregnant, I don’t care if I’m in a Spa, I am going to leap for joy, make a ruckus, and I’m hugging her. It would definitely make my day to find that out! I feel like she’s meant to be a mother, and she’d make a wonderful one.