You say I’m an extrovert, nice try

IMG_0668It’s kind of funny that I suddenly got a kick to take personality tests and that every test is telling me I am an extremely strong extrovert. Like, I’m such an extrovert they rarely see people score that high in the extrovert category the results end up telling me. But, I kind of smile at that because I know that I am throwing the tests off.

I am the life of the party, and people tend to feel really comfortable being around me. I like to dance and I tend to talk a lot with ease. I mean look at my profession, I’m around people all of the time with massage! Yet, I am incredibly private, I feel uncomfortable talking about my personal life, and when I’m done with work the last thing I want to do is spend more time socializing. On the surface of things there seems to be no other category for me to go in but an extrovert with my loud and outgoing personality.

The tests just get that surface level of me, the side everyone sees when they meet me and when they think they know me. Luckily, I know myself better that when I need to recharge I do. And, when I feel like I’ve had enough of talking or being social I go back home to hang out in my bedroom.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI am a person known to break out in singing, dancing, I even ended up dancing on a kitchen counter at one party (I was encouraged to hop up on the counter, I tried to fight going up there, but it seemed like too much fun.) This seems to be in part to my not caring what people think of me, I am crazy, fun, and loud, you either take it or you can leave it.

When I was a child it was a different story, especially at family gatherings it was like a form of torture facing the holidays. I didn’t have anyone to talk to being the only girl, and the youngest, so I would find a quiet corner on Christmas eve year after year to read my book and wait for it to be over with. I wanted to sit at the adult table because I related to adults better even when I was very little. I’d always be that shy, reclusive kid and teenager, observing what was going on and studying people’s interactions.

There are very few people who meet me now and knew me way back when in school and they can’t quite believe I’m the same person. Then, it’s just as interesting to have people who have met me now and they can’t believe me to be anything but loud and you-see-what-you-get type of person. I may trick the personality quizzes, yet I can’t trick myself.

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Cockroach Killer Extoardinaire

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A bug was harmed in the making of this post. Just not this one since it was outside in the safe zone

I’ve never had to deal with cockroaches before, count me lucky, or sheltered, but I know what they look like. My friend has that as one of her big fears, cockroaches she told me can fly, Sarah, seriously! This friend of mine also recently discovered that she has an intense fear of sink holes, which she just recently discovered and she said they can follow you and happen anywhere.

I am a bug person since the age of three I’ve had memories of grabbing ants (even fire ants, ouch) and putting them in my clear plastic purse. Crickets, grasshoppers, moths, caterpillars, rollie pollie bugs, about every bug you can think of I’d collect. As I’ve gotten older I still have an appreciation of all things creepy and crawly, yet, I’ve changed since I was a little girl. If a bug is invading my home I will most likely kill that bug with a vengeance, they will get especially annihilated if I caught them in my bed.

There is no love for bugs if they are found creeping around my home, though they can only wish that I have compassion the day I find them and I might try to let them outside. If they get caught in our home again I doubt I can find it in my bug loving heart not to crush them to pieces. My husband does not have my killer instincts and so we have taken on opposite roles to say the least. So, when my husband and I went to visit our little pet and he nearly fell over I thought he had hurt himself, which was not quite so.

He saw a cockroach, jumped onto the coach like a girl, and told me to take care of it. That bugger was huge, so I did the logical thing.

Me: “I’m going to get my killing boots, be right back.”
Husband: “Don’t leave me with it, come back here!”

I headed over to my closet on the opposite side of the apartment and searched for the perfect killing boots. I couldn’t find my favorite pair so I went with a high top type of boot after five minutes of searching, pulled up my pajama bottoms, and stomped on over. My husband was on the couch cowering, asking me why I’d left him for so long, he wouldn’t stop hiding on the couch. The cockroach was, of course, hiding as well.

I wasn’t going to be done until I killed it, so I searched around and was able to rush it out but I missed killing it and it darted under our couch.

Me: “We need to move the couch, it’s hiding, get up and help me move it.”
Husband: “What if it attacks me?! I don’t want it to attack me!”

It took quite a bit of convincing but he did move the couch and lo and behold… The cockroach was someplace else. I was on the hunt so I flipped over a pillow and found it, and went into killing mode. I may or may not have sworn while I was stomping it to death and did more than a double tap, more like a twenty tap to make sure it was dead. You gotta remember cockroaches can survive anything, and they are probably like zombies, you gotta make sure that head is off to really kill them.

We then volleyed back and forth who would throw away the dead bug, but I did the killing, so he can take care of the cleanup. My husband then informed if there was a zombie apocalypse that he would be able to handle it. I highly doubt that and know I would just need my killing boots to be able to take on some zombies.

I am not a normal newlywed

005When people hear that I am a newlywed they either mumble with, “that must be nice, wait 10 years them tell me how you feel,” or, “really?? you’re a newlywed?!” They then proceed to tell me how I’m destroying their dreams with reaction number two because I’m not their ideal of a newlywed. I’m not sure where their opinion grew from, probably from TV and movie depictions of newlyweds. Generally though movies never follow after the happily ever after ending.

Our wedding was the anti-wedding and I doubt I’d have it any other way, even though we were running late and playing catch up all day. The beginning of my husband and I’s married lives together couldn’t have been more of a difficult start to any marriage. We were not a story book happily ever after end, it was more of a how will we survive this first storm together?

I keep on hearing a lot of “you’re a newlywed, you should be more warm and feely!” The funny thing is that he and I are actually a rather warm, but mainly very funny, wife and husband combo. It’s just my coworkers react like it’s the end of the world because I’m a newlywed and I have sharing problems when it comes to sharing snacks and those little things. You should have seen their looks when I told them with some of my favorite work snacks I tend to hide them from my husband.

033You’d think it was the end of the world once they realized I’ve only been married for a year with my husband. Yet, what they don’t know is how many years we’ve been together besides that year of marriage. My husband sometimes hides snacks from me, and I totally get it when he does.

I say that one of my favorite things about our relationship is our humor, our ability to laugh at each other and ourselves. I loved from the moment I spoke to him (and I was attracted to him when I saw him too) that he could keep up with me in a conversation. That’s one of the things I needed the most when I was struggling looking for a job, with no friends and no family, was trying to learn to laugh again.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOur first year of marriage was one of the most difficult years of both our lives. There wasn’t a ‘happily ever after‘ attached to our wedding day, only a disconcerting question of how are we going to get through this storm? It wasn’t easy, but we are able to see the sky clearing and things look so much better now than ever before.

My middle finger hurts

140Imagine my surprise today when I woke up this morning and noticed that my middle fingers, right in the joint area, were aching every time I bent them. This perplexed me because my work day massaging the day before wasn’t too intense and I only had one deep tissue massage. Every time I wake up and something I need to massage is not working (my hands, my fingers, my wrists, etc.) it always makes me panic for how I’m going to work around it.

I of course wondered why it was mainly my middle fingers which were hurting me the most. All I could think of was that I may have been flipping someone off in my sleep, that’s all I could come up with. And I had to be intensely flipping them off in my sleep, because the joints were sore and I haven’t had my fingers hurt like that in a while. Or, who knows, maybe I was doing deep tissue frictioning on my pillow in my sleep, you never know.

So, when I walked into work I was less than enthused with my current predicament. One of my coworkers asked me what was up and I was honest that for some odd reason my middle fingers were aching. She immediately concluded that I must be angry, especially since it was the middle fingers that were bothering me. I told her I had a good day the day before, and she luckily offered to help me out.

My coworker is like a witch doctor because she seriously has magic hands and can make a certain area feel better with her voodoo magic. I knew she would be the one to help me at least dull the pain so I sat down, had a cup of coffee, and let her use her fairy dust on me.

We sat there while she held where the area was that was sore on my one middle finger, and then the other, and voila! it was totally feeling better. She says it was really nothing that she did but I don’t know any other person who can tune in like her and make something stop aching by just the tiniest bit of work. I’m convinced she is a magical handed voodoo priestess, but of course, she won’t admit it… yet.

When getting answers means testing

cirqueplayAll throughout my life I’ve always had medical oddities which have refused to be classified and that I end up being told that they couldn’t find the problem. Or, that the problem is there, but it literally can’t be classified when they test it and they can’t put a name on what happened to me. Generally this is skin related where I get a classified unknown diagnosis, and when every time I go to the doctor I don’t get an answer has to be something pretty disastrous for me to turn to the hospital for answers.

My husband was trying to explain my aversions to hospitals, but I told him that generally if you are a woman you can handle a large amount of pain without complaining. It’s like we are literally programmed for that, going through life taking stuff without blinking an eye.

So, with my visit to a neurologist I wasn’t too surprised when they told me they didn’t have a clue what brought it in, what it is, and anything until they test me.

Brain MRI testing, it just sounds terrifying. I’ve had MRI testing before, and even heart tests as a kid, but the brain seems so much more… Scarier, for some reason. I don’t know quite what to say when they ask me about symptoms and what might have triggered it:
I had a banana right beforehand.
I was drinking lots and lots of water because I know you get dehydrated on flights.

They then ask you what happened to you, and I answer them like how I did on the flight, “Well you know the most unimaginable pain ever and when they say they could get you oxygen on the plane you really wish they said venomous snakes to put you out of your misery???? Um, like that.”

The Doctor was so straight laced, and nice, that I felt awkward trying to interject some humor into the conversation especially since my head was killing me and jingling purses sounded like nails on a chalkboard. I’m oddly aware of perfume and how it’s like a vice around my nose and brain, and all of the high heels in the hospital hallway was making me want to push toilet paper in my ears.

I’ve done that before, wet toilet paper in the ears to drowned out sound… And it didn’t work out well when I did it the last time so I was getting pretty desperate with my headache. Luckily I got out of there without randomly yelling and only moderate twitching.

Flashing a stranger my bra

No, I did not take a one ticket plane ride to Vegas, got drunk, and took off all of my clothes without knowing, this was intentional. I thought I was prepared for the semi-annual sale to try on the limited amount of lingerie that interested me and was, of course, discounted. Lingerie being discounted is like catnip for me. I’ve taken notice of the women with dilated pupils clawing through bras and panties so I was not the only one.

The first time I came, the line had twenty people in it, the second time just as much, and I’ve learned that don’t buy something you haven’t tried on… Especially with a bra. That bra may look so pretty in the store, like my recent rhinestone bra I bought without trying on with the last sale. But, when you wear it with a clingy shirt it makes you look like some kind of bumpy breasted monster. I love looking at the bra, it’s my first and last sparkly bra because it shows through all of my clothes. I am now wary of rhinestone on any bras.

Luckily, this time, there were only three people ahead of me in line and so I took my place. My turn came up and the lady asked for my name, and something I wasn’t expecting.

What’s your bra size?

I kind of looked back at her, thinking knowing a bra size should help them if I need help. I told her last time I was measured what the size was, she looked at my chest, and shook her head.

I don’t think your that size, I think you might be this size. Let me measure you again.

I said that was fine, and maybe thought about measuring because of losing a lot of weight recently. She shook my hand twice, and I assumed the position of arms out to the side, and then at my waist. She told me the size she thought I was at bra wise, and went back to get it. The bra she came back with was tiny, and I kind of held it out in front of me with a surprised look. “I just am so not fitting myself in this, I mean, yeah, I just don’t think this will fit…”

It was my turn and I took my tiny bra and my reduced bras in the bag with me. They told me to try on the tiny bra, press the button when I was ready, and then my bra expert would be in to check it out. I rarely flash women my bra, if this happens I’m probably in Vegas wearing too low-cut of a shirt. I squeezed myself into that tiny bra and watched as my chest exploded from all sides, and front.

She has got to see this, which was my first thought. I pressed the button, she came in, and I pointed out the spillage from all sides. I went up another size, still felt like the bra had a vice grip on my breasts. I went up another size, it was better, I could breathe, but I still felt like my original size was the one I was most comfortable in. Then, the whole collection of bras were pushed underneath my door to try on in the I’mnotgoingtodie sized bra and I was seriously overwhelmed. There was like eight bras for different styles and to see which one I liked best.

I took a breath, and turned my attention to the two bras and cute little sleep number that I had originally brought with me. All I could think about was the line outside waiting for a room to open up and it’d only take me a little bit to see if I liked them. Plus, bra shopping is like bathing suite or jean shopping for me, it seriously gets uncomfortable trying on multiples and it gets less fun as I keep on going. I tried them on, liked them but didn’t necessarily love them like I can’t live without them in my life.

Then I remembered the boudoir photo shoot I bought and I have to muster up the courage to do one of these days. I needed a sexy little thing for that! Went back to the sales rack, came back, tried this little corset sexy thing on. It was in the size of one of the tiniest bra sizes they tried me in, and it definitely didn’t fit as a corset either. I was bummed since it was so cute on, and all I needed was just one size bigger. I went back to the racks, kept hoping for that one size bigger but it alluded me.

I left there empty-handed and with all of my excitement for shopping for discounted panties and bras sucked out of me. I flashed a lady  my bra repeatedly and squeezed myself into tiny sizes that squished my chest from all sides. Oh, and I locked my keys in my car and my husband had to drop off my spare key… It was quite a day.

When being happy is scary

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Ohhh… sparkly!

I swear that sometimes when you are smiling people may just think that you are crazy and clinically insane. The reaction to your happy smile  may be because you are in a place where people put their heads down and move a mile a minute, like in a major city. Or, like today, you are in the hype of the holiday season when everyone has their stressed out faces on. This was my fact for today as I navigated the shopping masses at the nearby mall.

I was just in a good mood today, the weather was nice, the air felt crisp, and it was just one of those ‘wake up on the right side of the bed’ days. The traffic was heavy and craziness, of course, because the countdown for Christmas day is almost upon us. Even the traffic couldn’t deter me in my good mood and I sang abbreviated Christmas songs, “the traffic outside is frightful, but inside my car it’s warm and delightful, and it is not going to snow, so let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!

Inside the store it was serious holiday freak out and the anxiety was palpable. Last minute shoppers were in their element, though I do hear a “merry Christmas to you” as I walked in the door with a woman who had the door held open for her.

Every single person I made eye contact with today I smiled at, and I think this may have freaked out more than one person. I say this because the look I got back in return was a “what the hell are you smiling at?!” I remember from when I spent time in a major city. Everyone was so preoccupied, and there was more than one unhappy shopper. They were returning things, using coupons they couldn’t use, and one lady made a ‘I want to blow my brains out’ gesture to me. She was ahead of me in the line, returning a ton of things and I mentioned a sale going on and she looked back at me and did the blow my brains out reference.

Even her bad mood couldn’t rub off on me and I made sure to thoroughly thank every person who I bought stuff from. I remember working retail as a massage therapist and I know how people can get during the holidays so I wanted them to know I appreciate their work.

091I haven’t been feeling in the Christmas mood at all this year because of the new place, family and friends miles away, and I miss my coworkers and clients especially during the holidays. I’d normally buy gifts for my friends who were my coworkers, which were my favorite people to buy for, but that’s not happening this year. My husband and I are aren’t visiting family, and the gifts we’re giving aren’t much. My favorite gifts were for my brother that I gave him months ago that included a framed picture of mine and a few other thoughtful gifts that wasn’t a gift card.

I know pretty much everyone shopping today didn’t feel the holiday spirit, more like the spirit of stress. I’m hoping at least one person I smiled at wasn’t creeped out and felt some of my good Christmas vibes.

End of the world and I feel fine

131Remember that song with the lyrics of, “it’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine…?” I always tried to decipher what they were saying outside of those lyrics but could only pick out the paused and pointed words. I didn’t know there was supposed to be another end of the world prophecy or thing going on, except I found out through blogging about it. I swear there was a recent one where I worked it and some of the superstitious girls were mumbling about the end of the world.

Personally for me I am taking the ‘end of the world’ in my own hands by going to none other than an end of the world party. My husband and I haven’t gone to a party since his Halloween work party which was so much fun and I am a bit of a party animal.

Combine partying with being inside of a museum, which I’ve loved going to them since I was a little girl, and you have absolute bliss for me.

Online shopping notsomerriment

You can get these online too!

You can get these online too!

There is something about online shopping that makes it way too easy to spend your money than if you are in a store. Or, at least for me it is easier to spend when its online. I’ve always had an aversion to sales people even though I did worked retail as a spa massage therapist. I can understand where they are coming from, heck, I have used their techniques for selling a product.

Yet, get me in a crowd of hungry, deal finding women packed in like a can of sardines and all I can think of is to flee. I really do like shopping alone, in a quiet corner, without anyone near me and in this time of the season that is impossible to find. Online shopping not only becomes a solace for me, it also becomes the perfect breeding ground for discovering new products I’ve never seen before. And, the only salesperson I’m dealing with are those emails constantly reminding me of what I might like.

One of my favorite gifts I’ve gotten was being able to make a canvas out of one of pictures of my favorite city skyline. I was able to do this at a steal thanks to online shopping and the person I got it for loved it. I also was able to turn my own favorite pictures into canvases that I’m hanging on my own wall. It’s fun to see them blown up with all of the details and to be able to hang that picture you love as your very own wall art. Another great gift was making a photo book of our wedding as a gift and that turned out great. Some of my new experiences I’ve been trying my hand at are also because of online shopping and finding it at a good deal.

heart1I can’t help but to think that the ease of online shopping is also slightly dangerous. It can get addictive especially when you order physical stuff and it arrives in a box like Santa Claus delivered it. The ups deliverer becomes like your very own Santa, even though you got these gifts for yourself or others. It can be so exciting to open that box up and you can feel like a big kid.

The only reason why I have such a safety net now is because I am so damn cheap, definitely past the point of frugal, for the past four years. I haven’t eaten out, I’ve only spent money on the necessities, and I have lived at home. So, now I feel guilty spending money online since I haven’t been a shopper for so long. It’s just so easy and somewhat addictive to get deals or gifts with the online shopping, and avoiding the crowds is bonus upon bonus.

So, I say if you have my same problem with slight online addiction watch it carefully and try not to be overtaken by the fabulous deals. Keep your eye on your bank account by checking it out online and write it all down to log how much you are spending. I still try to track everything and put in categories of gifts, restaurants, entertainment, etc to see what I’m spending the most in and being aware of it. Also, if you do have a credit card use that for your online merriment because if you use a debit card it may be stolen with online transactions and it will be easier to stop with a credit card.

Two delightful endeavors

winepaintingBeing in a new place will open you up to the idea that you need to step out of your shell. Because the people who were allowed a look at you without your shell on, being vulnerable when you really do like to keep it on, are no longer there. Those limited people you can trust, aka, friends, now live miles away and try as you might those miles add up. Let alone you could never let your shell off unless if you felt safe with that person outside of work and giving yourself permission to be exposed.

I am quite happy in my shell, yet, I absolutely love to dance and have fun at the same time. Drinking is my forte and if you pair drinking with something civilized like say… Painting, it makes it much more interesting. Now, put a bunch of people with byob for the painting class and you are bound to have a good time, right?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love dancing and would go dancing if I knew places that had good music but I’m still figuring out things as I go. And, my husband and I have an overwhelming supply of wine in our apartment that never gets touched so it helps clearing those bottles out too. We still have two cases full of wine still not unloaded from our honeymoon and a whole complete wine case full from before we first met.

The first time I went I didn’t know you should bring your own snacks too, and your own wine glass if you didn’t want to be drinking out of a plastic cup. My more recent time I went to do this I prepped up with crackers, napkins, a proper glass, and a cute little bag to hold everything and my wine in. You can tell the crowd who goes there, couples who are married, dating, or a group of women looking to have a good time out. No one comes to these byob drinking and painting classes alone, and people tend to pair off into their respected groups.

I would go with my husband but he isn’t much of a painter, or a drinker for that matter, so he luckily agrees to being my designated driver. It’s really a lot of fun to interact with the people around you and to see the differences of how everyone’s painting comes out. We all are painting the same thing, yet, how we interrupt it or put certain colors together makes every painting unique to its owner.

Also, I tend to get painters envy and I think everyone else painting has this same problem. You like a detail of someone else’s painting more and suddenly yours just isn’t turning out the way you want to. I think it’s extremely common because I see and hear everyone doing this, including myself. But, looking back on it that splash of yellow, or the red in your painting instead of blue is totally you.