Is my introversion showing?

DSC00156As much as I can fool everyone else that I am an extrovert I just can’t do the same with myself, and you better believe I have tried. Sometimes you just know as a kid that being around with people drains you, and that you totally crave ‘me‘ time. I was always that quiet and shy kid who always loved to just be alone with herself and my imagination would just run wild. If I ever was sent to my room for being bad or whatever reason I would relish in the quiet time and bring out my toys to play with them.

The only thing that has changed about me is I know how to handle people to make them feel at ease. I know how to make them believe that I am an extrovert and being considered an extrovert seems to make people feel comfortable. I put a lot of energy into being outgoing, loud, and fun at work which is who I am, but I don’t have enough energy at the end of my work day to go out and be social. After a day where I push myself all I can think about is coming home to my husband and being quiet and just taking it easy.

005With my job you can have some down time and when there’s down time people expect me to be around other people. On certain days I can push myself to be social and interact, but sometimes, I just can’t and that is when I generally keep to myself. During these forced quiet times I think that my introversion is showing, and I try my best to not to let it show, yet I can’t deny when all I want to do is recharge in peace and quiet.  My profession of massage has me being with people all the time when I’m busy, and if I have a day when my clients want to talk during their session I can get particularly exhausted. Luckily, it tends to be unusual for a client that needs to talk during their massage and even more peculiar for there to be more than one in a day.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI’ve become quite accustomed to the declaration that I am crazy. Pretty much everyone says it and growing up as a kid who was always called strange and an oddball I’ve learned to wear it like a badge of honor. My favorite thing to say in response, though I have many, is You wish you could be this kind of crazy!” Even when I was younger the other kids would try to bully me about my strangeness, and my anti-social nature, and back then I would still take it as a part of myself. I was unique, extremely unusual, and there was really nothing wrong with who I was unless I wanted to believe them.

So, on days where I know my introversion is showing I just tell myself it is a part of me. I can dance, and be goofy, and be crazy without a second thought but when I come home it’s time to press that recharge button.

I am not a normal newlywed

005When people hear that I am a newlywed they either mumble with, “that must be nice, wait 10 years them tell me how you feel,” or, “really?? you’re a newlywed?!” They then proceed to tell me how I’m destroying their dreams with reaction number two because I’m not their ideal of a newlywed. I’m not sure where their opinion grew from, probably from TV and movie depictions of newlyweds. Generally though movies never follow after the happily ever after ending.

Our wedding was the anti-wedding and I doubt I’d have it any other way, even though we were running late and playing catch up all day. The beginning of my husband and I’s married lives together couldn’t have been more of a difficult start to any marriage. We were not a story book happily ever after end, it was more of a how will we survive this first storm together?

I keep on hearing a lot of “you’re a newlywed, you should be more warm and feely!” The funny thing is that he and I are actually a rather warm, but mainly very funny, wife and husband combo. It’s just my coworkers react like it’s the end of the world because I’m a newlywed and I have sharing problems when it comes to sharing snacks and those little things. You should have seen their looks when I told them with some of my favorite work snacks I tend to hide them from my husband.

033You’d think it was the end of the world once they realized I’ve only been married for a year with my husband. Yet, what they don’t know is how many years we’ve been together besides that year of marriage. My husband sometimes hides snacks from me, and I totally get it when he does.

I say that one of my favorite things about our relationship is our humor, our ability to laugh at each other and ourselves. I loved from the moment I spoke to him (and I was attracted to him when I saw him too) that he could keep up with me in a conversation. That’s one of the things I needed the most when I was struggling looking for a job, with no friends and no family, was trying to learn to laugh again.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOur first year of marriage was one of the most difficult years of both our lives. There wasn’t a ‘happily ever after‘ attached to our wedding day, only a disconcerting question of how are we going to get through this storm? It wasn’t easy, but we are able to see the sky clearing and things look so much better now than ever before.

Why isn’t this a career?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAnyone who has been reading this blog for a while may know about my profession which had started out as a job, and over the years evolved into a passion. This would be my profession as a massage therapist, which I did on a whim because it was one of the few careers I could enter without having to do math. I’ve never been one to dream of being something as a little kid, I never played the game of, “when I grow up I wanna be…

So many people who entered the same class as me ended up dropping out. How many, you might ask? Well, more than half the class dropped out and there were so few of us that we were told if anyone else dropped out our class couldn’t graduate.

My classmates that did complete the class and graduated didn’t get their massage licenses. From what I know and the times we checked up there wasn’t anyone who was practicing… Except for me.

I must admit getting a job in this career as a new therapist was one of the toughest things I went through. Completing massage school was equaling difficult, as noted by my fellow classmates quitting the program. I haven’t come across many therapists who consistently do this as a job fulltime. On that same note I haven’t come across massage therapists in this profession full-time for several years. It seems to be that thing you do on the side with another part-time job.

I know why this seems to be the case, massage is physically taxing, but in addition to that it is mentally exhausting at times. I’ve noticed since my move the clientele have been much more relaxed, calmer, and very polite to work with. It is a totally different clientele, and I really did love my clientele where I came from, but they are just so different. Performing deep tissue massage is now more of a rarity than a necessity, and my body is feeling so much better because of this.

lilypadGiving massage is my relaxation time, my quiet time, you could even say my time to mediate and clear my head of thoughts that keep on circulating in my head. I never imagined this career wold evolve into something I love, but I do truly enjoy it. There are many other people in my career who see this as a stepping stone, a sort of means to an end, for them to work toward the ‘dream‘ career they’ve been waiting for.

My family doesn’t believe I should look at my job as a career, something I will do for years and years. My mother wants me to get my bachelor degree… In what I have no clue and refuse to throw so much money out there without a clue of what I’m going after. My brother thinks this career is too taxing on me as well and has asked me what will I do for a job when I injure myself? My husband used to agree with them in the beginning when I’d come home exhausted physically and mentally. Luckily, he supports me with my decision and my passion in this career.

I have sometimes entertained the thought of what other passions I’d love to do as a career: marine biology, teaching in science, anything to do with science, insects, animals, becoming a vet, physical therapist, a massage instructor, and even the idea of becoming a nurse. There are options when I think about other stuff that holds my interest and I have always loved the excuse to learn more.

I have been doing this career for four years, and you’d think it’d get mundane and tedious, yet when I come to work I’m looking forward to it. I’d like to learn more styles of massage, different ways of doing it, and it’s just so much fun to see someone feeling better because of my work.

Two delightful endeavors

winepaintingBeing in a new place will open you up to the idea that you need to step out of your shell. Because the people who were allowed a look at you without your shell on, being vulnerable when you really do like to keep it on, are no longer there. Those limited people you can trust, aka, friends, now live miles away and try as you might those miles add up. Let alone you could never let your shell off unless if you felt safe with that person outside of work and giving yourself permission to be exposed.

I am quite happy in my shell, yet, I absolutely love to dance and have fun at the same time. Drinking is my forte and if you pair drinking with something civilized like say… Painting, it makes it much more interesting. Now, put a bunch of people with byob for the painting class and you are bound to have a good time, right?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love dancing and would go dancing if I knew places that had good music but I’m still figuring out things as I go. And, my husband and I have an overwhelming supply of wine in our apartment that never gets touched so it helps clearing those bottles out too. We still have two cases full of wine still not unloaded from our honeymoon and a whole complete wine case full from before we first met.

The first time I went I didn’t know you should bring your own snacks too, and your own wine glass if you didn’t want to be drinking out of a plastic cup. My more recent time I went to do this I prepped up with crackers, napkins, a proper glass, and a cute little bag to hold everything and my wine in. You can tell the crowd who goes there, couples who are married, dating, or a group of women looking to have a good time out. No one comes to these byob drinking and painting classes alone, and people tend to pair off into their respected groups.

I would go with my husband but he isn’t much of a painter, or a drinker for that matter, so he luckily agrees to being my designated driver. It’s really a lot of fun to interact with the people around you and to see the differences of how everyone’s painting comes out. We all are painting the same thing, yet, how we interrupt it or put certain colors together makes every painting unique to its owner.

Also, I tend to get painters envy and I think everyone else painting has this same problem. You like a detail of someone else’s painting more and suddenly yours just isn’t turning out the way you want to. I think it’s extremely common because I see and hear everyone doing this, including myself. But, looking back on it that splash of yellow, or the red in your painting instead of blue is totally you.

Unexpected family addition

I know what you are thinking, I talk about not wanting babies and suddenly now I am posting about an unexpected family addition. No, instead we got a family addition completely spur of the moment and I was the last person to expect it. The husband saw a pet shop and veered toward it, I told him we shouldn’t because we can’t have a pet because of his allergies. I was going to keep walking straight but he insisted and we walked in.

I have owned a horse before, our family has owned many cats over the years since I was a little girl and when I was five we had a sweet older dog. I’ve also owned geckos, collected insects from caterpillars to crickets so I have had some experience with animals.

But, I’ve never owned the type of an animal we ended up getting. She was tiny, so cute, and like I said, “a little ball of terror!” she was very quiet. My husband got the okay to hold her and she was just adorable and he held her close to his chest. She tolerated all of the chaos of the pet shop and tons of people walking by and picking her up and petting her. There was a guinea pig who seemed like he was smart and was running away from people touching him but she just stood there. My husband held her and she was so adorable in his arms and just sat there perfectly.

I never imagined owning a pet with my husband because of his terrible allergies, I never thought we could own something furry. And, with our huge disagreement on dogs vs. cats I thought we would never have a fur ball because he would only want a dog and I’ve been a cat person for years. So, we ended up with a pet I’ve never had and had to research once we got her. When I finally held her because I was pretty certain we could get her I teared up because I was so happy and just loved the little bundle of fur.

So, what is our new little family member? Well, she is a rambunctious baby rabbit! I’ve never owned a bunny in my life and she is so different from any other animal I’ve ever owned. She’s incredibly smart and full of energy but she also likes to just sit on your chest and chill for an hour relaxing with you while you watch tv. I’ve done a ton of research on rabbits since we bought her to make sure we are feeding her right, exercising her enough, and giving her all that she needs.

She makes a mess constantly with her shavings and hay when she leaves her cage, yet I don’t mind picking up after her. My husband loves her to death too and it may sound weird but I can’t imagine not having our little furry girl around.

Happiness smells like…. bacon

My picture at the Poe Museum

Being a massage therapist will put you in some weird and awkwardly strange situations. How so? Well, you might be asked about your past, or if you are dealing with an aroma class, you may just be asked what happiness smells like to you… no lie. Other people in the class may have gawked, and played with their pens, and stared off into the deep looking for some meaningful scent connection but I knew it. And, I will probably always use this as my answer even though the teacher either thinks I’m really funny or a total jackass.

Teacher: “Yes, you raised your hand. What does happiness smell like?”

Me: “Bacon, happiness totally smells like bacon.”

And there’s a few snickers, and a few people laugh, even I crack up a little trying to keep a totally straight face so the teacher doesn’t think I am one of those trouble makers. Immediately they are compelled to ask, “But… why bacon?” And, in the teacher’s head she is probably thinking ohmygod this girl is totally screwing with me and now I just opened the floor up to her. And the real reason is actually kind of personal so I do screw around with her and say that bacon is one of those smells like coffee that just smells amazing.

The truth is, the reason why bacon smells like happiness is because my mother, who never cooks, would make bacon for us. It was when we had her father in the house and a pretty dark time in our family, so the smell of bacon and it cooking brought us together and was one of those happy moments. My brother hadn’t moved out yet, and I felt closer with my brother than I had ever felt in my life. We stopped bickering so much as brother and sister and were comrades.

When I think of bacon I think of her cooking, me and my brother running into the kitchen and trying to steal all of it for ourselves. I think of laughter and goofing around, my mom at the pan expertly not burning them to crisps and making grilled cheese and bacon sandwiches with soup… tomato soup, of course. It was one of those things you could smile on, which was hard to find in two years of darkness we were in as a family, and that I was in as an individual too. It reminded me of simpler times and when things were so much easier.

A Sex Toy Party Surprise

I’ve been gone for a while and it’s just because everything has felt so strange since I’ve moved back in my parents. He’s miles away, and I keep up with the lie of us still being together and excluding the fact that he’s moved. We did see each other about a week ago where he came in to do some work stuff and we stayed together at a Hotel. I am now the proud owner of a GPS and am much, much less likely to get lost even though I can’t find my way out of a paper bag.

I had my bachelorette party over the weekend and that was just so much fun. I was supposed to know that it was a sex toy party, but either knew and forgot, or everyone just kept it secret from me. I had not a clue what was going on but absolutely loved that it was a sex toy party. We were all giggling, laughing, and cracking up passing around the different vibrating things varying from a loofah to a spinning penis.

I basically crossed off what I wanted on my list and then the girls could opt to buy me something from there. I only got three things, which surprised and confused the lady holding the party but I just didn’t feel right getting a lot. I didn’t want to feel like I was forcing anyone to get me a lot of stuff so I got the most interesting even though there were other things that caught my eye.

I had my father drop me off and then a friend of mine drove me back to the folks place. So, as you can imagine, I drank a lot. I had like half a bottle of patron, 1/4 of parrot bay rum, and about 10-15 jello shots in the flavors of cosmopolitan and mango martini. One of my friends even got me a flashing bachelorette sash! And, I had two penis cakes one made out of cake and one made out of rice crispy treats. We went out after the sex party concluded and went to a local bar where my sash got more interest from single women then single men.

And, I’ve learned, wearing a bachlorette sash around may cause confrontations with said single women with their boyfriends. I overheard at least once, “Don’t touch me again until you put a ring on my finger!” or something like that. My sash did bring good to us too, it got us a round of buttery nipple shots from a nearby table.

At the end of the night, after I had danced with unwilling people and shouted at some men about my honeymoon and how I would be riding some sharks in the ocean we headed out. On my way out the sexy wedge shoes turned against me and as I was stepping down from one of the steps my ankle dislocated and I tumbled down. I knew that if I wore those shoes my weak ankles would give out but I didn’t want to have my party in my normal black sneakers, so I paid the consequences. Unsurprisingly, after I hurt my ankle I didn’t feel any pain because of all the alcohol I had in my system and I could have skipped my way out of there.

I certainly felt my ankle the next day though but today I think it’s feeling better. All I did the next day was ice it, rest it, and elevate my ankle to make sure it would heal as quickly as possible. To say the least my party was fun, crazy, and you know it’s a great party when you end up falling at the end of it.

This party isn’t for you … It’s for me!

So, I told one of my work girls yesterday that I finally had a wedding date. Yesterday was my first somewhat ‘slow’ day in what feels like over a month where I had some openings sporadically, but mainly I was pretty consistent. She lit up with the news and I told her how the fiancée said he was going to do a Bachelor party but he wasn’t quite excited about me having the same kind of party. He seems to think that I might be bad and there might be male strippers or something. And, this is where if he was here I’d look at him funny and say I just went to Chippendales with my Mom, of course I’d go a bit crazy.

The gal I was talking to is a friend of mine and we’ve known each other for 3 years. She started planning and thinking about throwing me a party. See, I wasn’t expecting anyone to do anything for me. My mom was maybe hoping to throw a party for me and my people at work before I had to decide that I would leave after I got married. She wanted to hold like a reception for them and since I’d be gone, the plan was nixed.

But, my friend got super excited and she got that glimmer in her eye. I know the look, it’s the ‘okay, I’ve got an idea and you are going with it!’ kind of twinkle in her eye. She talked about a penis cake and a sex toy party and suddenly … I have a Bachelorette party.

And then, of course, knowing me I feel guilty. I say I don’t want to be a bother and that she doesn’t have to. She talks to one of the hair stylists I’m friends with who has her own house and suddenly the party is at her place. They tell me after I try to go through why they maybe wouldn’t want to throw me a party that ‘This party isn’t for you … it’s for me!’  Which cracks me up and they say it gives them an excuse to have a party and why wouldn’t they throw it for me? They talk the time to talk about stuff when I’m busy with clients so I’ll leave it up to them. I gave them a possible date if they wanted to do it so if they go for it and plan everything out. It’d be a free-for-all anyone can come to it which is nice because I do love and enjoy everyone I work with.

To varying degrees and depending on the day may affect the love, but overall there isn’t one person who I walk in and go “Oh, no, it’s a day I have to work with you.” I get along with the front desk girls, hair stylists, nail techs, and of course my little estheticians with me in the Spa.If my friends at work want to hold the party for me and want to do it I’ll welcome it. They didn’t have to, but it’ll be nice to have a last hurrah. It’s just not so great that I’ll have to leave soon afterward.

The Tree is up! It is decked out in Vegas lights.

As you may all know, and are very much aware, my fiancée just loves Christmas. It is his time of year, his birthday follows around the corner, but he isn’t as unlucky as my poor brother who has it right during the month of Christmas so he generally gets everything lumped together that is called ‘Christmas’ and is told, “Oh… yeah, the Christmas wrap… that’s for your Birthday too!”  Though, ever since I have gotten a job, whether it has been decent paying, or like my first one, minimum wage, I have spoiled my brother in both categories.

My fiancée is all about the tree. Not the crappy attempt at wrapped presents that I made underneath the tree, not even the ornaments which are pretty and all ‘fancy ornaments’, the ones he likes. No, he likes the Vegas showgirl lights on the tree.

And that he can read his book from the lights on the tree.

While, you know, me, I’d just like the tree to have a few sets but otherwise not go too crazy on it. We were part way into the whole lights thing, and I didn’t even know this, so he asked me how the tree looked. I said, well, dear, I think that it has more than enough lights. To which he gave me a shocked, horrified expression, as if I stepped on a puppy Santa had given me himself, and told me, “We are putting more lights up, I just wanted to know where on the tree it was still dark where it needed to be covered.”

Never mess with a man who is obsessed with lights, we put on like three more strings after that.

It feels nice to have the tree up, and I’m personally more impressed with the spread of presents I have underneath it. There is stuff for my brother (of course, I am like Santa Claus with how much I get him), stuff for my fiancée, and stuff for my co-workers. I know what you may be thinking… Presents for your co-workers? I can’t stand working with the people I work with! I mean, I’m barely able to stand them at work and I try my best to ignore them but they are like the worst! Well, I do love my co-workers quite a bit, especially my little estheticians who spend the most time with me back in the Spa, crack me up, and are part of the reason I have so much fun back there.

Getting gifts for my co-workers is one of my most favorite parts about Christmas. I can be totally creative with them, I can get them whatever I want, yet I know their tastes and what they do/don’t like, and I don’t have to call them up to make sure. My family can be so difficult with what I get them, and my brother is a party pooper with most of his gifts being gift cards.

Even if this year will be the last Christmas with my girls from work because the man’s job will move, I’ve decided this doesn’t mean I can’t spoil them. If I have to move, which it’s looking a lot like I will, I’m going to do everything I want to do for them with no regrets. My spa girls mean a lot to me, they’ve been a sounding board the few times I feel like talking about my life, and they’ve been my help when I’ve been behind. I’ve even gotten gifts for a hair stylist I enjoy talking to, and a nail technician I’ve known since I’ve started working at my work. All of them I’d call my friends, so as a friend of Sarah’s, they get to be spoiled by me.

Needy families need the gift of giving

So, my work is generally all about us doing stuff for the environment, or helping out with things, or giving donations, we are pretty good about that. But, this year was the first year that we adopted a needy family. Well, the one family was quickly snatched up with our giving tree so we had another one which is also all gone too with the little mini trees with what they need.

It was one of the cutest things that one of my co-workers did. She grabbed several trees with needs on them and one of them was for a little girl who wanted a Barbie. So, she not only got her a Barbie, but she got her a Barbie who does her profession. A hairstylist Barbie, which I thought was so nice and neat and she kept on exclaiming, “It really works! The shampoo bowl works and everything! Plus, they can color hair and all that.”

So, I went up to the posted trees and grabbed my own tree. It was for a grocery store and I just recently, like yesterday, got the gift card for the person I never met and got the cutest little gift card, it was an adorable little penguin. I gave my gift card to my manager today so she can give it to the place that will give our gifts to the needy families. We are also doing a canned food drive as well for a pantry.

My Christmas shopping is pretty much all done. I know what you’re thinking… “She’s a freak! She got all her shopping done? Before Thanksgiving?! No way!” Well, I hate dealing with the crowds went it starts getting close to Christmas and being trampled by animals-tic shoppers looking for the perfect deal. I’ve always been an early shopper, the key to it is just being done with it after you get everything for everyone, instead of buying more and more gifts on top of what you’ve already finished with. My brother’s birthday is coming up very soon too and I’m all finished for his birthday. And I think that I’m done for Christmas with his shopping.

Tomorrow is going to be mine and my fiancée’s two-year anniversary since we first met. It seems like we’ve been together for so much longer than that and I don’t know how I haven’t had him always in my life. He’s my rock when I need someone to lean on, and he helps me to calm down and feel at peace when he’s around. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my life than to spend it with him. I knew he was the one for me since the moment I saw him and it’s been history ever since then.