That infamous white dress


I was the type of person who could never see herself being married, being a bride, and never, ever, planned her wedding day as a child. I never knew about wedding dress styles, mermaid, princess, and all of those other ways of wearing a white dress. I didn’t even want to wear a wedding dress on my day because I was just that anti bride about it. I didn’t see myself as one to follow traditional ways and, surprisingly, did end up with a white dress.

This white dress was sexy and when I put it on I knew I liked how it showed off my curves. But, I have never really fully embraced my body and I took off the dress without taking it home. My husband had already moved without me, my work still didn’t know I was leaving, and I had to show my husband all the dresses I tried on via texting.

See? Talk about breaking all the traditional rules! I wanted my husbands opinion on the dresses since the main bulk of them were colored. I wanted him to enjoy and like my wedding dress, even though he always says I look pretty all the time.

Most brides absolutely love the thrill of shopping for a wedding dress. Some of them can’t get enough of the rush of trying on dress after dress and wondering if it is the one. They wonder if the dress they are in will compare or even live up to their fairy tale dream wedding.It’s the dream they’ve been molding for their wedding because they always knew they’d by a bride. It was just a matter of when the groom came into the picture to propose to start the gears turning of getting their wedding wishes.

I was the exact opposite, of course, and when I started hunting for a dress it was a couple of months before the wedding date because of our venue. I hated the dress shopping as soon as it started, and tried on so many different dresses that my frustration was at an all time high. I never went to a bridal shop and just went to stores, and only tried on two official ‘wedding’ dresses. The first was so poofy that I thought that it might drowned me in its fabrics. And, the second was the one I would try on, think about it, come back, and try on again to decide it would be mine.

My wedding dress was not $2,000 or $1,000 or $5,000… It was a little over $150. I did not buy new shoes for it in white high heels, instead I wore my trusty black sandals that had saved my feet many a time. I think the thing that made me feel most like a bride was on my wedding day getting my hair and makeup done by my work as a goodbye gift. I was not only giving up my blood family as a bride that day, but also my work family I’d come to love.

I tried to get my husband to go for us eloping, and he pushed for a huge wedding at first, but we found a happy compromise of only a few people at it. I never saw myself in a wedding dress, and never imagined being in traditional white, but I did end up in one. The dress embraced my curves, and definitely showed them off. The infamous white dress and the amazing work my coworkers did on me made me feel as beautiful as my husband always told me I was.

The Planning Mother-Zila

It’s going to get much harder for things to get done with me and the fiancée as every week he might be here, and the following week he might not. It’s a flip-flopping every single week of him working in his new job miles away, and then coming back to where we live and doing it all over again. I need to pack things up for when I move back to the folks, decide what I need and don’t need to stay with me, get my state license for down there, decide what will be shipped down with his stuff, and even more.

Remember how I said we found a wedding band for the fiancée? Well, turns out we don’t and they didn’t have it in his size. So, we are now on a search for finding him a wedding band he’ll like while mine is being custom made and will hopefully turn out just perfect.

I don’t know if I can quite wrap my head around moving yet. And, I can’t wrap my head around even more that I’m moving back in with my folks, and he’s going to be moving down to his job without me. But, I have a wedding to pay for, a honeymoon to pay for, and I need to keep my job for as long as I possibly can. Which is why me moving is the big secret and I’m a professional at keeping it. That’s not to say it isn’t easy, it’s hard for me every day and on certain days its even worse. And, my mom said today how she doesn’t want to be ex-communicated from my work as a client because I’m leaving.

I swear, everything is always about her. Yes, I am so sorry that you will have to go to my work to get your haircut and you won’t get a discount and your afraid they are going to treat you bad because I’m leaving. I highly doubt that they would do that, but really, mom?  They will end up holding a grudge against me, not you, because you obviously don’t work for them.

And, all she is thinking about, talking about, listening to is herself with planning a trip in June. That is all my mother focuses on is basically travel planning and the planning she does is the most excitement she gets, even when she’s on a trip she’d rather be looking ahead to the next thing. She’s trying to push her weight around with my wedding planning but that’s not happening. It’s small, we have our own idea of what we are doing, and my mom wanted everyone to be in one apartment and plan where they are staying. His sister has a place she wants to stay at, my brother probably wants to stay separately, me and him want a hotel to ourselves, so everyone is going to be staying at separate hotels and that is totally fine.

The fiancee and I still have to figure out where we are going for lunch after the wedding down in the city. But, it’s something he and I should figure out, and my mom is researching that, the vacation, and everything else all at once sometimes. I’m the only one who travels with her because she likes to have things her way and I just go with the flow. I know I’m not exactly a planner myself, and never have been, so I can’t understand her fascination and obsession with it.

So excited to destroy it

There is something that I am so excited to destroy and turn into something I can wear every day and put it to good use. It’s this pendant I was given when I was younger and when I never wore jewelry. It basically is the personification of how little they know about me to give me it. It’s like when I was a girl and I was given this special Barbie doll and I hated Barbie with a passion and couldn’t understand it. I basically took off their clothes and then tossed them to the side. I know, I was a strange kid, I’m still a very odd person to this day but I saw no use for them.

I couldn’t make-believe with them. They weren’t me, they had make-up, and perfect hair, and perfect bodies, and nothing that even in the least made sense to me or spoke to me. I loved plastic horses, and could spend hours pretending they were in a racetrack and taking each horse one by one and inching them up for hours. In my head it was this amazing race like what I read in books, they were neck to neck, and suddenly my special one in the back comes up to the front of the pack and takes it by a nose!

It didn’t matter to me that the breed of horse I wanted to win would never win a race against the other Thoroughbreds and faster horses. Somehow the gaited horse always won, and when I finally received real jumps to jump my horses with I was over the moon with the gift. I tried to make my own horse blankets with no success and loved any kind of accessories I could get my hands on. I was an unusual child who loved to get dirty, would play with rocks for hours, always had her hair up in a ponytail, and I loved insects so much that I would put them in a bug case and stare at them at night studying their behaviors.

The piece of jewelry was like that girly doll I was given years ago and I would never wear it. So, when I went into the jeweler’s place today with the fiancée and I had it in my hand I couldn’t be more excited for them to destroy it. I’ve had in my mind for a while to remake it into something I loved. And, luckily, they were more than happy to accommodate me. The diamonds will be taken out and put into my wedding band so I can wear it every day and use it in a better way. I even got to kill two birds with one stone by finding a ring the fiancée likes and getting him a wedding band. As I’ve said before, he’s pretty funny and wants a ring with some ‘bling.’ He wants something unique and non-traditional, I just hope they will be able to get that ring for him because they said there were ordering problems when they tried to order it.

I can’t wait to get married to my hubby-to-be. I’m just anxious about what he wants me to inscribe inside of his ring. He wants it to be special and be a secret until we get our rings on our wedding date. He’s already knows what he wants to inscribe on my wedding band (of course) and I can’t think of what it should say. I feel like a lot of pressure is on me to put the right thing inside of it so when he looks inside of his ring it can always make him smile.

And … I just don’t know what that thing is. I can write well but I don’t know what I can say with the small amount a ring gives you inside of it. I want it to be special and for it to be ‘us’, but my mind is blank and I want to much for it to be just perfect.

Not Enough time in a Day

I swear, I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I’ve had my Christmas shopping done for months, I’ve had things wrapped for weeks (except for a little here and there present, but besides that, all the rest is covered) and I’ve even given my gifts to my brother and my Mom before Christmas. See, I will be out-of-town, going over to the fiancee’s folks and family for Christmas instead of my family. They will be celebrating it without me and it will just be my brother, mom, and father, and I will be be four hours away from them.

I had to do groceries, I had to get gas, and other things. It feels like everyone is crazy! Seriously. People are driving nutty, I can feel their anxious energy standing in the line waiting to get all my stuff done. It’s not the best ability to have with being able to pick up on how people feel. Situations where its high stress you can barely contain yourself picking up on everyone else’s stress, even if you originally felt relaxed to begin with.

It doesn’t help that after I got done with my trip in Vegas (which I still need to talk about how much fun I had with the trip) that I have to pack right back up to prepare myself to go down to see his family. It just feels like with today there wasn’t enough hours within this day to get everything done. I’m still rushing around, picking things up, putting things away, getting stuff set up, and probably looking like a crazy person.

I made homemade ‘Save the Date’ cards for the fiancée’s family members to announce our wedding date. I don’t think that helped with the stress, but I do think they came out okay. Every day I’ve worked this week managers have been crabby, co-workers have been crabby, while clients haven’t been too bad. I’m hoping the mini cinnamon rolls I managed to buy today will hopefully calm down and maybe perk up my crabby managers and my overworked co-workers. We’ll see how it goes, either way I will have a day off starting next week so I can spend more time with his family so that’ll be nice.

Phew, I think I have a wedding date!

So, part of the stress that is going on with me is health, and me moving away, and losing my job, family, and starting over from scratch at someplace new. Also, losing my fiancée when he’s the first one to move down at where his new job is. He will be moving down before me because I’d like to have another job lined up before I make the move. Okay, so these are still extremely stressful things and I’m not looking forward to being separated from him, and having to give up my job where I love the people I work with plus my room has the best table and it’s huge.

Besides all that, it does help to have something in our sights. Something we can finally seem to pin down.

The wedding date, which is going to be in late April on a Saturday. I was finally able to call up the place we’ve been waiting for and get the dates I was looking for. The wedding date is a few days after my 25th birthday which I think is great too. He and I will have to get our marriage license closer to the date (sometime in February) and finally be able to reserve it once we have the license we can go down there and get that date secured.

It was either the late April one, or March 17, but I like the one a little after my birthday. I still don’t know quite how we will get through being separated when he has to move down there, and he will have to come up for the wedding. At least we seem to have a date to tell people though, and look forward to.

Why a nature filled wedding is a no-no

Nature even is beautiful on a stormy day

I love nature, and I have loved nature since before I could talk, walk, or remember. I have always been that odd-ball little girl who chased after ants, crickets, bees, butterflies, anything that could run away from me. When I get put into nature suddenly I take on both my mother and brother’s ADD that they seem to have in every situation. They can’t calm down, or relax, they always need to be doing a million things at once and can’t relax even when they are out in the pool sunning. They need to go in the pool, back on the chase lounge, in the hot tub, in the sauna, back in the pool, and repeat and recycle. They want me to follow them going in, out, and back on but all I want to do is just lay there and relax.

When you get me out in nature and there are insects, mainly butterflies, I suddenly chase after them and can’t be calmed until you put me back in the car. It stimulates me when there’s things I can find and explore. This isn’t to say I can’t find nature relaxing, which I do, but if there’s some miniature wonder to found or weird insect to be seen I will find it.

And then, I will stare, be tempted to prod it, and everything around me will disappear as I concentrate on that one tiny thing.

I’ve thought about a nature wedding for a while now because of my passion I have for nature. But knowing me and my ADD-ness when it comes to being outside someplace beautiful I can’t help but to explore it. And if a butterfly happens to cross my path, you have totally lost me. Or, god forbid I find a caterpillar and now I will probably holding onto it and putting it into anything I can transport it in.

The place I want to be married in is stunning, beautiful, but also in the city. The city tends to mean to me ‘go-go-go’ and I’m not as secure in it. I find the building that will be doing the wedding is quiet, and has this… old history quality to it that I love too. You can feel the history in it, from the walls, to the stained glass ceiling. My mother keeps on trying to push me away from it (though she was the one to tell me about it) because we can’t schedule the wedding until the last second. They will only give out dates so far in advance, and she wants to know right away so she can get time off.

Uh… yeah, you and me both, mom. I have to be patient with it, but if the man ends up getting the one job, we will be moving up my possible wedding date of around April to any time they will give to us. I want April because it’s always felt like the perfect date, yet if he has to move away I want us to be married before he leaves.

You are the uninvited leper

Some things that gets my goat can be as simple as a wedding where everyone is invited… except for you. And this has happened to me on many, many an occasion. Major plus of this is I don’t have to waste any money on a gift or present, so good riddance. Minus is that if it’s a work wedding (which there are women getting married/having babies here like clockwork) then I get to hear about it over and over again like for 2 weeks. Which, admittedly, is quite annoying after the 10th time of hearing it. If you like the person anyways it’s not too bad, but I’ve been to only two weddings in my entire life.

Whoa, Sarah, why wonder you aren’t all gung ho about this planning a wedding thing, right?

I think that either everyone should be invited to it (which busts my budget) or no one should be invited to it if I’m not inviting anyone else besides a couple of people. I don’t want to pick and chose and exclude. So, it comes down to immediate family and that’s it. I would think that would make it less of a headache in the long run, but with the man’s job and the venue I’ve picked I couldn’t plan anything even if I really wanted to. It’s all about a waiting game.