My middle finger hurts

140Imagine my surprise today when I woke up this morning and noticed that my middle fingers, right in the joint area, were aching every time I bent them. This perplexed me because my work day massaging the day before wasn’t too intense and I only had one deep tissue massage. Every time I wake up and something I need to massage is not working (my hands, my fingers, my wrists, etc.) it always makes me panic for how I’m going to work around it.

I of course wondered why it was mainly my middle fingers which were hurting me the most. All I could think of was that I may have been flipping someone off in my sleep, that’s all I could come up with. And I had to be intensely flipping them off in my sleep, because the joints were sore and I haven’t had my fingers hurt like that in a while. Or, who knows, maybe I was doing deep tissue frictioning on my pillow in my sleep, you never know.

So, when I walked into work I was less than enthused with my current predicament. One of my coworkers asked me what was up and I was honest that for some odd reason my middle fingers were aching. She immediately concluded that I must be angry, especially since it was the middle fingers that were bothering me. I told her I had a good day the day before, and she luckily offered to help me out.

My coworker is like a witch doctor because she seriously has magic hands and can make a certain area feel better with her voodoo magic. I knew she would be the one to help me at least dull the pain so I sat down, had a cup of coffee, and let her use her fairy dust on me.

We sat there while she held where the area was that was sore on my one middle finger, and then the other, and voila! it was totally feeling better. She says it was really nothing that she did but I don’t know any other person who can tune in like her and make something stop aching by just the tiniest bit of work. I’m convinced she is a magical handed voodoo priestess, but of course, she won’t admit it… yet.

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Reminding yourself to breathe again

0906111858bAfter months and months of sending out resumes I finally got two inquiries back in response and interviews set up. Thus, began one of the most stressful times in job career searching life when I juggled setting up interviews each day and worried if both, one, or none would be interested in me. Turns out both were, but I decided on the one and went full stream ahead with my choice.

Once I saw the set up of the place, and also saw some people smiling at me hello, I decided in my head that they had to know this is what I wanted. After all of my time searching, sending out resumes and hearing nothing, my job search stress reached an all time high.

I couldn’t sleep at all for several days, even though I tried to go to sleep early. Waiting for the one place to contact me was a serious emotional roller coater. There was the high of giving, what I thought, was a good practical, and the low of time passing hour after hour without any contact. Each hour put me in a deeper hole of the idea of starting this all over again, and losing this place I really wanted. My days before these interviews were spent checking from the moment I woke to the moment I went to sleep checking websites for new prospects. I’ve never had a job search mean so much to me, and put everything on the line and made sure to sell myself in the interview.

In the evening of the day where I’d be hearing back about the job I wanted I got a text and wondered if it was my husband or my mother. Luckily, it was the job, telling me they wanted to hire me and to come in tomorrow to finalize things and to talk about my schedule. The relief I felt was immediate, and literally it felt like I could breathe for the first time in a while.

0628111941bI’ve started working at a record pace and don’t mind it one bit, It was welcomed after the time I have spent worrying. There are new techniques and modalities I get to learn, and of course, a different way of doings things. There is probably a whole different approach to everything even though it still is in my career I love, massage. Every place has a different way, a different style, but I look forward to the experience of learning and hopefully over time mastering it all over again.

It’s a new start, a new place, a new job, and I’m of course working with new people and clients. There seems to be that question of why I moved when people find out I’m not from around here, but I don’t mind answering it. It’s so nice to be able to say I have a job and that I’m able to keep on practicing in my career and it is like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. This whole experience wasn’t easy and it was much move difficult than I could ever imagine. I made the unfortunate assumption it would be a piece of pie and obviously it wasn’t.

My mind is a muddle

140First off, thank you everyone who commented and wished me luck with the interviews. I really feel like I have a great group of friends here who are also fellow bloggers. You guys have helped me especially when it came to my move, and with all of my lackluster job searching over the past few months. I know I’ve said this before, but your support and encouragement is always so appreciated.

I think it’s a good thing, yet still completely overwhelming, to go from nothing from so long to something. My husband is sweet, he keeps on telling me that he’s proud of me for not giving up after months of sending out resumes. He also tells me to only take a job that will keep me happy, and as I’ve said before he’s been so supportive since the move and helping me when I’ve felt less than confident.

My life when it comes to jobs is very spoiled, I admit it, but there’s been struggles within the jobs I’ve experienced. Being a dog groomer was exhausting, much more so than even being a massage therapist. I had a great team of women to work with though with my first ‘job’ and an amazing manager who I loved to work with. She was understanding, patient, and very kind to me. The other dog groomers were very fun to work with, and we would help each other out on busy days.

When I decided on massage school I was in a stuck part of my life. I needed to find a career, but I was unsure what I wanted. I needed a career where I was active in it, since I really enjoyed the running around and activity of being a dog groomer.

I ended up with another great group of women to work with, like in the pet salon, and what I learned from my job at the spa for four years taught me things I didn’t know about myself. My goal is to exceed in excellence, I need to keep on challenging myself with my career and what I’m doing. No matter how I feel, or what is going on in my life, I need to give an amazing service to every client. I want my clients to feel like not only that was a good service, it was great, and I delivered what they needed for that massage.

0906111858bThere is that need now to have someplace which challenges me, with great coworkers, and hopefully someplace where continuing Ed is a must. You can’t be expected to get better at this career if you’ve stopped learning. That’s the beauty of massage, the only end to continuing education is if you give up on it.

I’ve been so lucky, and in the same thought, this has been my reason to be rather scared of job searching. This is because of my happiness I’ve had at my jobs, and that happiness hasn’t been found without struggle, pain, and frustration. It’s always been the people who work with me though who get me fired up about coming to work, and of course, my clients. My clients are my number one priority when I’m massaging, and I never seem to be able to duplicate the same massage every time.

It’s like my cooking, I never keep track of what I’m doing, yet, the food comes out really great. That’s why I think I don’t even get bored with my own technique, because I’m always modifying it according to my client.

No nest to crawl back into

If you ever told me that I would move away, miles and miles away from my family but also where I’ve lived all of my life since I was born I’d probably laugh in your face. If you also added that I would give up my job of four years that I’ve come to love like nobody’s business I’d probably be hysterically rolling on the floor crying with tears.

Now that it’s a reality this certainly doesn’t have me laughing but that is how much I wouldn’t be able to believe that this could ever happen. I am the first and only person from my family moving as far away as I have, and even more amazing than that is that I moved away but my brother didn’t! My brother, since when he was a teenager has said he would always move away to some place hot and without a winter. I have heard this for so many years that if anyone would move away, I kind of always thought he would before me. He’s done some trips where he’s been away from home for a few months, but he’s always come back home.

I’m so close with my family, even though they drive me crazy, that I never thought I could do this. But, I did it, I’m here, with my hubby in a totally new place that I don’t know and certainly does not look like back home. There are days I wake up and still can’t believe it, other days I feel like I can just drive a few miles and see my family when really… I can’t.

There are days when I think I’ve slept in and have missed my work and then I realize, I really don’t have any work. Or, a job for that matter, I am currently unemployed.

At times I feel lost without the roots of my family and my work to support me and then I realize I need to make new roots. With my hubby, with our new life, I need to get adjusted and used to this new way of living. He’s been amazingly supportive and helpful with me, and I know it will take time to get used to being fully out of the nest flapping my wings in the breeze. I know he’ll be there to catch me when and if I fall and to help me to get back out there again. It’s just amazing to be making my life with my husband completely out of the nest and there is no way to hop back in it unless if I want to jump on an airplane.

Having a not caring nonchalant attitude

He's got the idea of it!

Sometimes I do wish that I could be like my brother. I’ve been thinking this thought with my growing and well hidden guilt I feel with my work situation. Working at a Spa/Salon is a little bit different of an environment than most. While most work places not only expect, appreciate, and want you to give them a 2 weeks notice, at a Spa/Salon it is a death sentence. There is this problem of clients and you might possibly steal them so normally if you are still moving around within the state you will be told to not work your 2 weeks.

If you do tell them about it, and you are moving, like my case, thousands of miles away this doesn’t mean you are in the clear. Just recently two girls at my work who had been there for 2 years, and another for longer than that, moved out-of-state. The one gave 2 weeks notice, worked it, moved away. There were some shifts that she was called in not to work, but it was 2 weeks and luckily that didn’t have to last for too long. The other girl gave them more than 2 weeks notice and her hours were cut, she was told not to come in, and she got very upset about it. The father of her child was far away from where she lived so she had to move to be closer to him.

They weren’t keeping her for her shifts. She would get sent home sometimes 4 hours or so early. New clients were moved from her books to another service provider since she was going to be leaving and they wanted the client to have someone to go to who would still be there.

So, I know how this works. I understand, once I give them my notice, I am literally roadkill that eventually needs to be picked up off of the road and moved out. See, I don’t want the fact that I’m moving to compromise what they think of me, shorten my shifts, or make me give any less than what I’m giving now. For all they know I will be here for just as long of a time as I have been there, and I would, it’s just my fiancee had a better opportunity for a job miles away. He actually thanked me when we were talking on the phone and I was driving home from work for letting him pursue this job which gives him the ability to grow and get promotions.

But, hiding this from my work has given me quite a bit of guilt, even though I know it’s for the best. Every time I talk about the wedding and our date I feel this pang in my heart at the thought of leaving.

I was talking to my brother about it and he just shrugged his shoulders at me. His exact words were, “It’s a job. It’s not your life.” He just looked at it so nonchalantly, like there was no question whether or not I should be getting upset. The answer was I shouldn’t be getting upset, I shouldn’t care because it’s a job. My brother has always jumped from one job to another. When he does leave a job, he gets excited about it and he can’t wait to get out of there. He’s never been tied to one job in his life, and I’ve tied to at least two. My first job as a dog groomer, and this job as a massage therapist. It’s not just it being a job, it’s the people I work with.

It’s my clients I enjoy seeing, and more importantly my co-workers. My little estheticians who I always peek into their rooms when I come  for my shifts. With how much I laugh when I’m at work, and how much fun I can have, I can’t feel okay about leaving. But, I know I have to be because it’s happening one way or another.

The Tree is up! It is decked out in Vegas lights.

As you may all know, and are very much aware, my fiancée just loves Christmas. It is his time of year, his birthday follows around the corner, but he isn’t as unlucky as my poor brother who has it right during the month of Christmas so he generally gets everything lumped together that is called ‘Christmas’ and is told, “Oh… yeah, the Christmas wrap… that’s for your Birthday too!”  Though, ever since I have gotten a job, whether it has been decent paying, or like my first one, minimum wage, I have spoiled my brother in both categories.

My fiancée is all about the tree. Not the crappy attempt at wrapped presents that I made underneath the tree, not even the ornaments which are pretty and all ‘fancy ornaments’, the ones he likes. No, he likes the Vegas showgirl lights on the tree.

And that he can read his book from the lights on the tree.

While, you know, me, I’d just like the tree to have a few sets but otherwise not go too crazy on it. We were part way into the whole lights thing, and I didn’t even know this, so he asked me how the tree looked. I said, well, dear, I think that it has more than enough lights. To which he gave me a shocked, horrified expression, as if I stepped on a puppy Santa had given me himself, and told me, “We are putting more lights up, I just wanted to know where on the tree it was still dark where it needed to be covered.”

Never mess with a man who is obsessed with lights, we put on like three more strings after that.

It feels nice to have the tree up, and I’m personally more impressed with the spread of presents I have underneath it. There is stuff for my brother (of course, I am like Santa Claus with how much I get him), stuff for my fiancée, and stuff for my co-workers. I know what you may be thinking… Presents for your co-workers? I can’t stand working with the people I work with! I mean, I’m barely able to stand them at work and I try my best to ignore them but they are like the worst! Well, I do love my co-workers quite a bit, especially my little estheticians who spend the most time with me back in the Spa, crack me up, and are part of the reason I have so much fun back there.

Getting gifts for my co-workers is one of my most favorite parts about Christmas. I can be totally creative with them, I can get them whatever I want, yet I know their tastes and what they do/don’t like, and I don’t have to call them up to make sure. My family can be so difficult with what I get them, and my brother is a party pooper with most of his gifts being gift cards.

Even if this year will be the last Christmas with my girls from work because the man’s job will move, I’ve decided this doesn’t mean I can’t spoil them. If I have to move, which it’s looking a lot like I will, I’m going to do everything I want to do for them with no regrets. My spa girls mean a lot to me, they’ve been a sounding board the few times I feel like talking about my life, and they’ve been my help when I’ve been behind. I’ve even gotten gifts for a hair stylist I enjoy talking to, and a nail technician I’ve known since I’ve started working at my work. All of them I’d call my friends, so as a friend of Sarah’s, they get to be spoiled by me.

Don’t assume I don’t have an education

I had a client yesterday who was a rare find for me to come across in my career… he was a talker. Now, I don’t mind talking, but pretty much 99.9% of my clients don’t like to talk during the treatment. Those who are in the .1% can talk about a wide range of things, yet you can group them into a couple of groups and they will fall into that.

Group A- I want to ask about your personal life

Group B- I want to talk about what’s going wrong in my life

Group C- I want to talk randomly about everything

I’d say a lot of my talkers want to talk about themselves, or if they are one who keeps on questioning about my own life, I will try to make the conversation be more about them. I don’t even like talking about my personal life to my co-workers, let alone a stranger I just met. The worst is when they get you to talk about your personal life and then start judging you. This drives me nuts, I just can’t stand people judging me especially when they absolutely don’t know me.

My guy yesterday was a definite talker. I haven’t come across a talker in a while, and with guys I find I’m not as much at ease talking to them as I am with my women clients. I’ve had some guy talkers have their conversations go into some weird places and it can make me uncomfortable. This is even rarer than coming across someone who wants to talk, but it’s happened before.

So, we were talking and he was a Group A. Wanted to know everything about me and this profession. How many hours I needed for massage school, if I went to massage school, if I needed liability insurance, how many different massage techniques are out there, what are the differences between chiropractic massage and massage in a spa, can massage be covered by health insurance. Whatever you can think of to ask me about massage he probably asked me. Clients in general might be a little bit curious, and he was definitely way past just a couple of questions about my career.

Then, he made an assumption I hadn’t heard before. “So, you went straight from High School into Massage School.”

I corrected his assumption, I let him know that I was in both college and massage school at the same time. Not only was I doing both of these at the same time (while juggling being in massage school full time, basically 5 days a week at 8 hours a day) I finished both massage school and college at the same time, in the same month. He then asked me why I didn’t continue with college and finish my Bachelor’s. I told him the truth, I just didn’t want to be bogged down by $30,000 or more in debt with a degree I may, or may not, be able to use. While I’ve been using my massage degree and license since I finished school.

Everyone who comes across me in this career think that this is just something I’m doing until I can’t do it anymore. I know this is the route I am taking even if I don’t want to admit it. Massage is physically demanding and tough on my body. It’s just that in the end the love I have for this career makes it worth the physical exertion I put myself through, which is true especially on the weekends.

The Retail Smack down

The thing about our season where we are focused on Christmas (which happens right after Halloween) is that everyone gets so dirty with what they do. One of my girls I liked yesterday ended up changing my retail to her underneath my nose. I came across it just because I had a feeling about it and confronted her about it. I don’t think either of us suggested the product, but I already had a manager fix one of my big retail mess-ups where yet again it was put underneath someone else, not me.

Now, with that, I did go up to my client while she was searching through some of the face stuff and helped her from grabbing something I don’t think would be right for her skin. I double checked and saw it was underneath another person, which upset me. So, I had it changed and didn’t want to have another thing changed on top of it.

We get so emotional about it and feelings get hurt with the retail and fights break out. It gets worse during the holiday season so instead of just dealing with holiday stress, now you have to worry about screwing-you-over-stress.

Plus, we have this holiday game and anything to do with games and we get a little crazy. I have not done or finished any little square on our game, while others are just breezing through it. It’s just a little frustrating when you trust the people you work with but suddenly everyone is turning on everyone because they want their numbers to be the best. That is probably one of the things I least like about my work, we always seem to be fighting against each other when it comes to that.

I don’t blame anyone. Raises are done because of retail, and supposedly ‘paid vacation.’ When we don’t sell retail, or fall behind, or someone takes it and puts it under them, they literally are taking money out of our paycheck for when we get our next reviews.

Stuck in a state of Limbo and the game Pong

It's like a game of pong with your heart on the line

The man and I have spent the last few days just talking about the prospects of him moving and what we’d have to do. He’s excited about the idea of moving and really wants this job. I’m… less than excited, though willing. He keeps saying that he’s sorry every time he says that he definitely hopes he gets this job which will up and move the both of us.

It’s terrible with this whole waiting game. He listed the three major things he was worried about last night. I will give you two of them, because the third I can’t quite remember.

1) I won’t be able to deal with the change of the move/can’t find a job.

2) His company won’t pay for the moving expenses. He doesn’t have the money to come up with to move everything we own that far away.

I think the first one is definitely his Number One worry about it, while mine is him getting the job and then them deciding they don’t need that job. Or, this job not being as easy as the person before told him it would be. See, he was suggested to get this job by this lady who had it, and then decided to go with another company. She made it clear to the man who it was about the easiest thing out there, but I’m thinking it can’t be as easy as she told him.

Still, hopefully it can be a job where he goes home and then he doesn’t have to answer 3-4 calls at all times of the day, even late at night when we are sleeping, to fix something that went wrong. That, even when we are on vacation, he has to do his work even when he’s away from work he can’t even enjoy the vacation because every day they are calling him.

Every time I get a text from the man lately I think he’s gotten the news about the interview. It has thrown me off at work because I’ll see that he texted me and start hyperventilating, wondering if this is the moment when we find out. I read it and find out that it’s just another sweet text from him, without any foreboding news about our future. It also scares me that in the beginning we are going to be a long distance relationship at first and I know how hard those are from experience.

I want to move down there once I get a job underneath my belt, and I don’t know how long that is going to take.

 

Are you trusting me to be alone?

I have this irrational, weird fear I’ve had ever since I was a kid. See, now, this fear does have some reason why it’s a hang up for me but it translates into my life in many different ways. Mainly, that I don’t drive that much by myself unless if I’ve driven there before. All of my driving comes from memory, you can’t just give me MapQuest directions, or even worse, a map, and think I will be at the place of choice. I will be driving in circles, confused, dazed, and if you call me up, rather ticked off on the phone.

My fear is that I’m afraid of getting lost, and being abandoned. There was this one time I was a little girl and I went over the train tracks with my brother. We found some turtles, tadpoles, and my brother decided to leave me there when he brought our prizes back. Well, I kept on chasing bugs, insects, tadpoles around, but eventually began to panic. I’m guessing it had been hours and I was still left there, with my small bike, and started screaming my brothers name. Over, and over, and over again. These people came over (this was pretty much an abandoned area, or so I thought) and went to investigate the noise. I didn’t trust them, so I kept to myself, praying my brother would come back to get me.

He did, but I’m thinking I was pretty much hysterical. I’ve gotten locked in the garage with no lights (against, just a little girl) and have freaked out then. I’m sure there are more times than that, but I was even well known as a three year old to randomly walk off and be found with a group of strangers instead of my family. I think being lost is different than being alone, but I’ve always had someone to come home to.

There’s a huge comfort in that, coming home to someone. It’s like being back in your sanctuary, and even though I’ve just moved in with the man, it feels like a sanctuary with our apartment that we have. He’s going to be gone on a business trip next week from Monday to Thursday. I thought it was just Monday to Wednesday, but nope, of course, add another day to that. And, I just found out from him today that it’s going to be especially late on Thursday… like 12 o’clock midnight late.

I’d write more, but tomorrow is going to be murder for me. I’m not looking forward to the man leaving me for work, but I guess I gotta be ready for it, because he’s doing it whether I like it or not. It’s business, it’s just when I wasn’t moved in I’d just spend the time with my mom over at their place. Now, I’ll have this apartment to myself, and I’m so used to it having him in there welcoming me home when I step in the door that it will definitely be weird.