When being happy is scary


Ohhh… sparkly!

I swear that sometimes when you are smiling people may just think that you are crazy and clinically insane. The reaction to your happy smile  may be because you are in a place where people put their heads down and move a mile a minute, like in a major city. Or, like today, you are in the hype of the holiday season when everyone has their stressed out faces on. This was my fact for today as I navigated the shopping masses at the nearby mall.

I was just in a good mood today, the weather was nice, the air felt crisp, and it was just one of those ‘wake up on the right side of the bed’ days. The traffic was heavy and craziness, of course, because the countdown for Christmas day is almost upon us. Even the traffic couldn’t deter me in my good mood and I sang abbreviated Christmas songs, “the traffic outside is frightful, but inside my car it’s warm and delightful, and it is not going to snow, so let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!

Inside the store it was serious holiday freak out and the anxiety was palpable. Last minute shoppers were in their element, though I do hear a “merry Christmas to you” as I walked in the door with a woman who had the door held open for her.

Every single person I made eye contact with today I smiled at, and I think this may have freaked out more than one person. I say this because the look I got back in return was a “what the hell are you smiling at?!” I remember from when I spent time in a major city. Everyone was so preoccupied, and there was more than one unhappy shopper. They were returning things, using coupons they couldn’t use, and one lady made a ‘I want to blow my brains out’ gesture to me. She was ahead of me in the line, returning a ton of things and I mentioned a sale going on and she looked back at me and did the blow my brains out reference.

Even her bad mood couldn’t rub off on me and I made sure to thoroughly thank every person who I bought stuff from. I remember working retail as a massage therapist and I know how people can get during the holidays so I wanted them to know I appreciate their work.

091I haven’t been feeling in the Christmas mood at all this year because of the new place, family and friends miles away, and I miss my coworkers and clients especially during the holidays. I’d normally buy gifts for my friends who were my coworkers, which were my favorite people to buy for, but that’s not happening this year. My husband and I are aren’t visiting family, and the gifts we’re giving aren’t much. My favorite gifts were for my brother that I gave him months ago that included a framed picture of mine and a few other thoughtful gifts that wasn’t a gift card.

I know pretty much everyone shopping today didn’t feel the holiday spirit, more like the spirit of stress. I’m hoping at least one person I smiled at wasn’t creeped out and felt some of my good Christmas vibes.

That season where you fall slower

There is something about fall that makes me move slower, and appreciate the cooler weather and changing colors. Fall may just be my favorite season, though spring and fall may be tied together for favorites. I don’t know what is better, the flowers coming to life after winters slumber or the changing of the leaves on all the trees. Fall is also my signal to start buying gifts for Christmas since I always like to get a head start on that.

Yet, this season I’m not buying any gifts. I haven’t even gotten anything for my husband and completed a bunch of gifts of him for Christmas by now. It’s a combination of factors, we will be staying in for both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. While we would be splitting holidays between my family and his, this year it seems like the family in our mix is ourselves.

With me not having a job, and my husband having a real hard job for traveling and vacations it just seems like we won’t be doing our yearly trip for the holidays. Honestly, it just feels really weird and strange. Combine this with the fact I won’t be getting gifts for my coworkers this year since I don’t have any coworkers, and my friends are miles away. So, the holidays for me and my husband will be quiet and I’m guessing just us and our baby bunny.

It’s kind of hard for me not to have a ton of gifts already bought and to know I’m not doing much for the holidays. I’m not exactly a big Christmas person but I always loved buying gifts for the people who mattered for me. My husband doesn’t seem to want anything for gifts so we will make the best of our holidays together.

Ho ho a Go Go

Well, it is Christmas Eve and all throughout the night I was not questioning whether or not I was booked today. I knew it, 4 appointments, one 90 minute massage, and not a chance of me getting out early. I had my fingers crossed that maybe I would be with only 1 appointment, they’d listen to my pleas and me jumping up and down saying,

I have to drive like 4 hours to where my fiancée’s family lives … which last year it took like 5 hours. Let me go!”

But, there is absolutely no chance of this, so, I have Christmas cards for all and some candy canes with adorable little jelly snowflakes and such on them. The fiancée and I opened up our presents last night because we will be so far away and he loved his gifts, and I loved mine too. We have a big box full of presents for his family and he wrote in the ‘Save the Date’ cards I made yesterday.

His family will find out on Christmas Day about our wedding date just like last year where they found out we were engaged on Christmas Day … and I was surprised ninja hugged by his sister so tightly they screamed at her to let me go. Man, his family is very touchy feely, and mine don’t even hug each other and when we do it’s that awkward hug with both arms stuck to the sides.

Luckily, the weather is not frightful today like last year and this should make for better drive. Yeah, what about the white Christmas you might say? Well, I’ll take without the white stuff if it means not spinning off the road.

Not Enough time in a Day

I swear, I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I’ve had my Christmas shopping done for months, I’ve had things wrapped for weeks (except for a little here and there present, but besides that, all the rest is covered) and I’ve even given my gifts to my brother and my Mom before Christmas. See, I will be out-of-town, going over to the fiancee’s folks and family for Christmas instead of my family. They will be celebrating it without me and it will just be my brother, mom, and father, and I will be be four hours away from them.

I had to do groceries, I had to get gas, and other things. It feels like everyone is crazy! Seriously. People are driving nutty, I can feel their anxious energy standing in the line waiting to get all my stuff done. It’s not the best ability to have with being able to pick up on how people feel. Situations where its high stress you can barely contain yourself picking up on everyone else’s stress, even if you originally felt relaxed to begin with.

It doesn’t help that after I got done with my trip in Vegas (which I still need to talk about how much fun I had with the trip) that I have to pack right back up to prepare myself to go down to see his family. It just feels like with today there wasn’t enough hours within this day to get everything done. I’m still rushing around, picking things up, putting things away, getting stuff set up, and probably looking like a crazy person.

I made homemade ‘Save the Date’ cards for the fiancée’s family members to announce our wedding date. I don’t think that helped with the stress, but I do think they came out okay. Every day I’ve worked this week managers have been crabby, co-workers have been crabby, while clients haven’t been too bad. I’m hoping the mini cinnamon rolls I managed to buy today will hopefully calm down and maybe perk up my crabby managers and my overworked co-workers. We’ll see how it goes, either way I will have a day off starting next week so I can spend more time with his family so that’ll be nice.

Santa ate the Thanksgiving turkey

I know that the man is over-killed with stuff at work, buried with what he does, and is absolutely overworked when one of his favorite holidays is put on the back burner. He’d normally have my gifts, his gifts he got for my mom, and his family, pretty much done by now. Instead, he hasn’t gotten anything done. Our evenings together are spent with him taking work home with him and doing it while we watch T.V. I came home to an empty apartment tonight… he’s off to another job interview and is on an airplane right now. I will be lucky if he gets back tomorrow, I hope he does.

Seems like every year Thanksgiving is skipped over to start the whole Christmas thing. I don’t mind Thanksgiving and it’s one of the least stressful holidays we have, though still stressful. It’s also the one my whole family has off, since both me and my mom work weekends and every weekend seems to be the time Christmas is. Every time pretty much, while I don’t know how that works year in and year out.

I’ve already gotten pretty much all of his presents for Christmas already. I still need to get a few more things for my brother, and a couple of things for my girls at work, and maybe a little something for his Mom too, and I will be all set.

Our roles have reversed, Mr. Crazy-about-Christmas has been beaten out by, yours truly, the Grinch for getting gifts. I’m not a fan of Christmas, never have been since I was a kid, but I want to try to like it more since the man loves it so much. He’s so passionate about it, and like a little kid in a candy store whenever Christmas comes around. While I generally can’t wait for it to be done with and for whatever family holiday fight will happen that year to be over with.

My mother has been saying lately, “What Christmas? How can we have Christmas when everyone is going to be gone? I could care less about it, blah, blah…” because not only will I probably be gone this year for Christmas Day, but my brother is going to be visiting his Uncle through Christmas Day this year. She is all bummed out because we both are going to be gone, yet that doesn’t mean I’m still not going to get gifts for Christmas for my brother. My mom is just going to be re-wrapping stuff she gave him last year that he didn’t want and didn’t take home with him. She was also talking about different ways to annoy him, like wrapping his own clothes he left at their place and giving it back to him.

This is why I end up getting my brother everything on ‘the Christmas list’ he ends up giving me. I know my mother will re-gift every little thing he didn’t like and give it back to him. It’s pretty funny, but they both are so stubborn that it keeps on going year after year.