How did I become a house wife?

151I don’t know quite what triggered it, besides our obvious move that we made over a year ago. I’ve always been a free spirit, very stubborn, and my husband was always the one trying to cook when he could and cleaning up after my messes. I hear some women talk about how we aren’t exactly as free as we think we are. This one lady who said these exact words said that we weren’t very free, we were only free to cook, clean, do laundry, and take care of the children. That men these days still don’t know how to help out and they are taught for us to take care of them… And essentially we become like their mothers. (Ew.)

This woman was also married for 36 years and recently had become divorced at the age of sixty. I thought of interjecting to say that my husband has always been a gentleman, opening doors for me, getting my coat, and he has always the one cleaning, cooking, he was even doing my laundry! I could tell she was very hurt by what happened to her, understandably so, and my unusual case with my husband probably wouldn’t be heard.

It was a strange situation with two service providers being in the room at once so I let the other gal answer any of her questions. Her freedom analysis of married women was interesting, but it isn’t the case for all women. I feel absolutely free with my husband, I have traveled more this year than any year in my life. He encourages me to go out with people if I want to, and if I do need him to clean I just need to remind him verbally to do it. Like most guys, dropping hints about dishes or cleaning will get me no where, yet telling him the exact thing I want from him will get him to definitely do it for me.

092I guess I felt more interested in this idea of freedom and us being there to take care of our husbands with cleaning, cooking, etc. because I’ve fell into the role of being like a house wife. Now, keep in mind I still work, I pick up days when my work asks me to, but I’ve even gotten my cooking times coordinated with when my husband might be coming home.

Dinner needs to be ready hopefully by the time he walks in the door, I will be finishing up with it so it is still warm for us when he walks in. I’ve basically taken over dishes duty since I am doing all of our cooking. I thought if I was ever at this stage where I’d consider myself a housewife I’d resent it very strongly. If you asked me a year ago that I’d be cooking complicated dishes almost every day of the week, doing dishes, and especially enjoying the cooking I’d of laughed at you… Very hard. When I visit my family they still don’t believe it, and I’d love to cook for them because it is one of my huge things of pride and discovery for me. My mother never really cooked for us, she really didn’t like it and since we never cooked at home there was not much for us to ever clean. The basics of how to cook was self-taught to myself by trial and error, and amazingly once I started cooking, there was this natural ability to make really tasty dishes.

Now the question of how I became a housewife I think is easiest to be explained by our move and my need to adapt and still feel important without a job. I wanted to be able to do something while I was job searching and though I assumed I wouldn’t be good at cooking, I still decided to give it a try. Now that I have a job the act of cooking, strangely enough, gives me a sort of stress relief after working even when my body is sore from massaging. I don’t know quite how I got to this point I’m at now… But I don’t mind being here.

Eating causes me pain

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Deceptively delicious…

The act of eating something generally causes your brain to signal a pleasure response, telling us that we did good finding food to eat for our survival. Even though we aren’t struggling to find food nowadays our brains aren’t hard-wired to feel any differently so eating is pleasurable and releases the happy feeling endorphin. My brain still says, “Good job for eating and surviving another day!” but my stomach doesn’t share in that sentiment.

I don’t know when it started hitting me when eating equaled pain but I believe it coincided with my teenage years and how I dealt with stress. For a long time I accepted how my stomach was a battlefield when food was added, since I always believed there was nothing I could do to remedy it. I would go for weeks, months, with intense stomach pain especially in periods of extreme stress.

022The pain I dealt with was eventually filed away in my brain with my tmj pain with my jaw. It was unwanted but impossible to avoid so I tried to numb myself to the discomfort I was experiencing. Their was no solution to my problem, so I’d resolved to ‘live with it.’

The solution happened with our move and my upheaval of everything I knew and did, and adapting to the life of a house wife. I gathered cook books, with no hopes of actually cooking something edible, and surprisingly not only cooked edible food but delicious food. Now I’m cooking five, sometimes six days, out of the week and my stomach has never felt better. Dinner and eating is something I look forward to, instead of dreading how I’d feel later.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERABack where I used to live I ate out every single day of the week, I only ate one time out of the day, and when I didn’t eat out I’d eat frozen meals. I never once was taught how to cook anything from my mother, and my brother and I were set out into the world with no knowledge whatsoever how to make any food for ourselves. The only things I could make was grilled cheese, tomato soup, scrambled eggs, an omelet, minute rice, and that’s pretty much it. My brother still generally doesn’t cook and I only tried to out of a whim to evolve into a wife who could take care of her husband while she didn’t have a job.

I’d never would have guessed cooking for myself would reap so many benefits, that I’d love it as much as I do, and how much I’d miss my cooking on trips. Now when I eat and feel pain it’s because I have to eat out on vacations, and I need to be extremely careful what I eat or else I’m suffering again. It’s a relief to enjoy eating and especially to appreciate what I cook, but if I didn’t cook it, my stomach seems to revolt against it and it makes my traveling quite inconvenient when I chose wrong.

“I don’t eat salads” What?

saladI must admit, saying this statement will definitely get a reaction every time. Sometimes, I let it slip because a waiter or someone is pushing me to eat a salad. Most of the time, is my husband who just loves to say that his wife doesn’t eat vegetables when people think his vegetables are mine. This time, I was caught saying it at one of our favorite stores to stop by and the man talking to us about them was mentioning how the oils and vinegar didn’t have to be used just on salads.

Me: “Oh, I know, I don’t eat salads. I always use the vinegar for a marinade for meat, it really works good on them.
He laughed, shook his head with pure disbelief on is face and admitted something I could have guessed,
I’ve never heard a woman say that she doesn’t eat salads, I’ve never head that before.
Then, a lady to my left overhearing the conversation butts in, “You don’t eat salads?! Then what do you eat?! You wouldn’t be happy at our house, we eat vegetables every day. My kids can’t leave the table until they’ve finished all their vegetables.”

I said, why yes, pushy lady who I obviously wasn’t talking to I wouldn’t last at your house. I wouldn’t stay at your house if you forced me to eat stuff I wouldn’t eat. She gave me this scathing look up and down, just staring at me in disbelief. As if, a grown woman who refused to eat vegetables just wasn’t supposed to be alive. I also informed her I am a healthy adult, I go in to see my doctor every year and I am not predisposed to anything and I haven’t had any ill health reports.

She ignored me after I made sure to stand my ground, just like I have done since I was a kid. The guy in retail who was talking to me instead gave me a once over, and smiled. He said that he had two daughters just like me, refusing to eat vegetables and fruits, and he had tried to get them to but now he leaves them alone. They are now in college and he worries that they may not be healthy, but he figures they are an adult now and they will figure it out.

319919_1975714788888_1123630225_31682279_2101631656_nI was really happy about this man opening up about his daughters because I know there are more kids, teenagers, adults out there just like me… “picky eaters.” I have been made fun of for what I eat, how I eat, and teased so relentlessly throughout my entire life. It would mess with me so much that when I went to work I would try my best to eat alone. I hated people watching me at work because I was afraid I’d be made fun of, and part of that reason is that I have severe TMJ so eating is always really loud. My jaw pops and clicks so loudly that I can hear it in my ears and everyone else can hear my every bite I make. Another reason was what I ate, and being teased for what I ate it even more difficult to try new things.

I told the man at the store, who was worried about his daughters and their pickiness to just support them as best as he can. And to never, ever, tease them or make fun of them, and don’t put up for anyone else giving them a hard time. I told him that if he leaves them alone, they will probably be like me and become curious about other foods. I’ve tried fruits in my diet I would never have thought to touch, humus, so many new foods because I am genuinely interested in them. There was even a couple of times where I tried meatless foods from one of the vegetarians at my old workplace, and I tried out soy drinks.

The way that woman with the kids at the store treated me is what I was used to. But, the man talking to me honestly was nice. And, I don’t think I will work up to eating a salad, but that’s okay… That’s just me.

Kitchen War Zone

One of my favorite things about cooking from scratch is feeling a huge sense of satisfaction and accomplishment when not only is my food edible, but it is delish! I’ve been doing a lot of from scratch recipes from my multitude of recipe books my husband got me for me taking on the chef duties. I did pork without cutting it into tiny pieces which is how I normally cook meat. I just did a buttermilk flour dredged chicken tenderloins fried up in oil with a lemon curd sauce which was divine!

I love when I have weird stuff being checked out at the grocery store and someone asks me, “Why would you need this?? What could you possibly be you making with this?! And then I just smile and explain the recipe and they end up smiling back and saying how it sounds good.

When I pull it off it is icing on the cake! But, my kitchen becomes like a war zone that you get kind of scared stepping back into when you are done cooking. The flour and lemon zest was everywhere, and flour was plastered to the plate I used to dredge the chicken in. The buttermilk and lemon zest was luckily self contained within the bowl, yet making the lemon zest wasn’t so clean and tidy!

The lemon zest flew all over the place and I ended up inadvertently using the grinder on the top of my thumb. It isn’t a from scratch recipe if I don’t end up slicing myself in the process.

I’ve never made chicken without cutting it up into tiny pieces and I have to fight he urge to this time. Luckily dicing up my floured buttermilk bathed chicken wasn’t necessary because the chicken tenderloins turned out moist and not dry at all. My husband gave me two thumbs up and we luckily have an agreement at if I cook the food he will clean it up. Which, with the lemon zest, breading, oil, and the whole kitchen like a war zone I thought this was more than a fair enough agreement.

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The Snack Smackdown

I’m bringing the smack down on these girls for when I bring in my snacks for my work lunch. I pride myself in a multitude of delectable, exciting, and a wide assortment of snacks to go along with my frozen food entre. I admit maybe what I’m eating with the frozen food entre isn’t as exciting as my snack assortment, but I find anything noteworthy that I spend only $2 to buy when they’re having food delivered at the cost of $10 or so for just a sandwich, if not more.

I bought some grapes, and some little apple packages with little caramel packets to go with them, dried fruit chips, and more. Their jaws are going to drop when I bring in my little fruit assortment to work, they always act surprised when I do something like that.

One of my favorite things to bring in to snack on at my lunch are veggie straws and humus. I never used to like humus until about a year or so ago when I tried some humus that a girl brought in to work. To my surprise, I loved it, and there are only certain brands I pick and flavors I’m interested in. I used to be just a garlic humus girl but with some brands the garlic would be enough to repel a vampire, let alone my poor clients, so now I go with the roasted pine nut humus.

I like to take all the space on the counter when I eat. I don’t share well at my lunch time, I don’t like being bothered, I don’t like being talked to, and everyone knows to stay out of my spot in the breakroom. I’m a pretty pleasant person but mess with me when I’m eating and I might just flip out because I end up being so hungry. And, if there’s no place to sit in the breakroom, someone is going to get up especially if it’s the only time in the day I can eat, which lately has been every day I’ve been working.

It doesn’t help that with our venting system any food cooked in the breakroom is wafted up the ducts and into my room so I smell all sorts of food while I’m starving. It’s like a form of twisted torture smelling food while you’re massaging.

This week is just filled with me working, training, like 6 days out of the week and even on my day off I came in to get a massage (oh, I know what you’re going to say, poor baby, she had to get a massage on her day off). I didn’t get a normal massage though, but one of our specialty massages, so while it was a really good massage, there were steps missing from this specialty massage. Which, means I will probably have to come in, schedule something and get a model to give the therapist a quick demoing session on the massage. I don’t mind though because I want to take full advantage of the opportunity to train. It took me going on four years for them to feel confident in giving me full responsibility for the training all of our new therapists and even though it’s more work, I am excited about it.

So, I’m having extra snacks, healthy snacks, for me to look forward to on my work shifts. I also really like making the people I work with jealous over my adorable and tasty snacks I bring in … what can I say? I’m just a great co-worker like that.

Let’s get physical, Physical…

hat I feel like going to the Doctor...

So, you’d think I’d have something sexy to write about with the title but I fooled you. It’s time for my yearly exam and I am all psyched out and have been starving myself watching what I eat the past few days so when I step on that scale it doesn’t sound a horn and tell me I’m fat. I have the Wii fit to do that and which is why I don’t exercise on or step foot on the little white stand anymore. It would blow up my skinny Mii into an overweight Mii with my shirt barely fitting and no breasts. This happened every time I weighed myself and I’d always want to throw that damn thing out the window with a wild scream.

But, I held back from this and eventually stopped stepping on the Wii fit stand because it was giving me a huge complex. I’d be .01 pounds heavier, not even an actual pound, and it’d yell at me for gaining .01 pounds and how I failed my goal.

I’d get so depressed about failing my goal, having horns and whistles go off like, “Here piggy, piggy, piggy!” that I haven’t stepped on a scale for a while. It doesn’t help that our normal scale is broken and the Wii fit one is the only one working.

It also doesn’t help when you go to your Doctor’s exam, and you have to be weighed, that you can’t strip down to just your undies for being weighed and it’s winter time so you have more layers on. I make sure to take off my shoes though and every other piece of clothing I can without being called indecent for doing it.

I’ve also stupidly decided I don’t work enough as it is and I’ve picked up every single day this week because I have training on top of my normal work schedule. Surprisingly, I actually do love training and have already sent my outline for training our new therapist to one of our managers because I’m a geek, OCD, and also think very analytically. I’m modifying my training schedule from the first one they gave me to do officially plus I have two more days of training so I’m taking this into account with the teaching outline. It’s one of the things I’m so happy about having an opportunity to do at my job and they’ve finally given me responsibility for all of the training.

Of course, I’ll only be able to do this for as long as I keep my job, which will be until late April hopefully, and I’m definitely going all gung ho into training. This week is just so busy that I can’t even plan or get my things together for the move I’m going to have to make at the end of February. I just want to be done with the Doctor’s visit, know my weight and prepare myself not to freak out.

Will (literally) work for food!

Don't worry, I'll eat your scraps...

Okay, so I was a little spoiled a little bit ago at work where I gave out two massages to two of the gals at work. I was extremely bored, didn’t have too busy of a day, so took them back in my room and did some work on the table. Well, with the one gal she ended up getting me lunch, which I was so excited about that I think my eyes were about ready to pop out of my head. She told me she’d get me lunch and then I heard one of them say, “Whoa, Sarah, maybe you should sit down…” It’s just I don’t treat myself to too much when it comes to food and I basically never go out to get lunch. I bring in frozen food meals, thankyouverymuch.

I lucked out with some lunch, but then I promised one of the girls I’d give her a tune-up massage after she got off from work so I did a little something something for her. And, in return, she got me a cupcake. But, not just any cupcake, like chocolate or vanilla, but a special kind…

A s’mores cupcake, I absolutely love marshmallow. The only way to make it better is to mix it with peanut butter!

After all of this showering of food I kind of felt like the whole “Will work for food” was literally me. I was so excited and happy, because normally I’m the one getting little gifts and special things for my girls at work when they aren’t feeling that well. None of them know what I’m going through personally (my fiancée’s job, he’s basically gone all this week, coming home for a little bit, leaving for next week, his job is in jeopardy, we may be moving, he is totally stressed out and scared, the wedding is on hold until we know what’s happening, etc, etc.) but it was a nice little pick-me-up. Especially since I was going home and ate my lunch I got for dinner that night.

Oh, and today I had the most awesome pumpkin cake with the most delish homemade frosting… like, ever! Fortunately, it was awesomely tasty, unfortunately I couldn’t stop at one slice and ate about four of them. My bad. Then my stomach felt like I dropped a brick in it after eating all of those slices and massaging afterwards. It was so worth it though, and if I could do it all over again, I’d probably eat another slice.

Wii Fit is my Frenemy

So, it probably goes without saying for many people who use the Wii Fit that there is a love/hate relationship with it. I just love to hate that little white stand. It just looks cute virtually as it dances, sleeps, and waves at you with its little white stub arm. It also has a cute voice, like that helps you feel better when it tells you that you’re overweight. But, with the knowledge of the Wii Fit and my BMI being automatically calculated with my weight, I have lost weight.  And, I want to keep it off too.

But, unfortunately, I’m afraid I’ve gained weight back. I’ve been eating more than I used to and what I’ve forced myself to get used to. Like I’ve said before, I’ve decided not to diet, yet I want to and I’ve kept my calorie intact around 1,000 calories a day. I’m dreading when I get back on the thing and my little Mii balloons out and the thing asks me why I gained weight.

Yes, it asks you why you gained weight. You have options of, “I don’t know / Ate too much / I had indigestion / I ate late, ect” that you can pick from the list. The last time I weighed myself I had to pick a reason why because I gained about 2 lbs, which really I wish I had the option of “Screw off Wii” as my answer to its question.

And, I suck at the games where it figures out your age. I’m generally around 48 years old when I first started out and I’m still like an old lady. So, not only does it tell me I’m overweight, it also says I’m much older than what I am. One of these days that damn thing is going out the window, because it is a moody little piece of technology.

Delivery Service

There’s something about coming home to someone that makes you drive quicker. There’s something about coming home to someone that makes you want to punch out of work and stop making money. (Which is hard for me, everyone at my work even knows I love making money). I’ve been alone a few times, and I don’t mind spending time by myself. I’ve been known to go to social meet-ups without knowing a single person, by myself, and holding my own without a friend or family there to act as a buffer.

But, I did make sure I ate a cupcake I bought over at the chocolate shop before I got home. I know it’s terrible I didn’t want to share, but this cupcake is just too damn good for sharing. It was a PB and no J cupcake with this awesome peanut butter buttercream and the most amazingly moist chocolate cake ever.

I gobbled it down quickly inside of the break room before anyone else came in. The moist cake crumbled onto the floor and I was 3 seconds away from picking it up and eating it. Then, I remembered how disgusting our floor is and I promptly threw it away in the garbage. I must admit I was still thinking about eating it as I threw it away, it was just that damn good. I’ve been craving a cupcake for a awhile especially since I’ve been watching the new show on Foodnetwork called, ‘Cupcake wars.’ The PB and no J cupcake had like honey roasted peanuts on top, 2 of them, and I think if I’m feeling really kind I might get one for my brother. He absolutely loves peanut butter.

I had delivery service for dinner, the man brought home some Panda Express. I think the combo of cupcake + fast food chinese = my stomach not being too happy. My books are full tomorrow so I need to eat before going into work because being 100% booked means my lunch is going to be non-existent. I’ll be surprised if I can sit down and eat.