Is my introversion showing?

DSC00156As much as I can fool everyone else that I am an extrovert I just can’t do the same with myself, and you better believe I have tried. Sometimes you just know as a kid that being around with people drains you, and that you totally crave ‘me‘ time. I was always that quiet and shy kid who always loved to just be alone with herself and my imagination would just run wild. If I ever was sent to my room for being bad or whatever reason I would relish in the quiet time and bring out my toys to play with them.

The only thing that has changed about me is I know how to handle people to make them feel at ease. I know how to make them believe that I am an extrovert and being considered an extrovert seems to make people feel comfortable. I put a lot of energy into being outgoing, loud, and fun at work which is who I am, but I don’t have enough energy at the end of my work day to go out and be social. After a day where I push myself all I can think about is coming home to my husband and being quiet and just taking it easy.

005With my job you can have some down time and when there’s down time people expect me to be around other people. On certain days I can push myself to be social and interact, but sometimes, I just can’t and that is when I generally keep to myself. During these forced quiet times I think that my introversion is showing, and I try my best to not to let it show, yet I can’t deny when all I want to do is recharge in peace and quiet.  My profession of massage has me being with people all the time when I’m busy, and if I have a day when my clients want to talk during their session I can get particularly exhausted. Luckily, it tends to be unusual for a client that needs to talk during their massage and even more peculiar for there to be more than one in a day.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI’ve become quite accustomed to the declaration that I am crazy. Pretty much everyone says it and growing up as a kid who was always called strange and an oddball I’ve learned to wear it like a badge of honor. My favorite thing to say in response, though I have many, is You wish you could be this kind of crazy!” Even when I was younger the other kids would try to bully me about my strangeness, and my anti-social nature, and back then I would still take it as a part of myself. I was unique, extremely unusual, and there was really nothing wrong with who I was unless I wanted to believe them.

So, on days where I know my introversion is showing I just tell myself it is a part of me. I can dance, and be goofy, and be crazy without a second thought but when I come home it’s time to press that recharge button.

The Prospects

131I gotta admit, I am a little overwhelmed this week with what is going on. First off, we just recently got back from our trip to a very cold, yet, beautiful area for my husband’s birthday. I am yet to be unpacked, and surprisingly through maybe a deal with black magic I have two job interviews lined up for next week. These two job interviews are the first I’ve ever had since moving, and I have been moved and looking for a place to work for more than six months.

I always thoroughly research places before I send them my resume. First off, I google map where they are located, secondly I read all of their reviews, and thirdly I find the place. I try to drive there beforehand so I can remember how to get to it better. Whenever I’ve been to a place before its easier for me to find than if I never saw it before. Maps aren’t my thing, I can’t read them, and getting lost is awful but what’s even worse is arriving late with a job on the line.

There is the one massage job located nearby to where I live. It looks very pretty, from a far of course, and I can’t believe I got an interview there. The location is closer to where I’m living. The second is the exact opposite, actually a little more of a drive but not bad, and they would be in a cute little lifestyle mall. Little boutique shops are all around it and it does look like nice inside as well.

172Of course, having an interview doesn’t mean that I’m guaranteed a job, but it does mean I have two feet in the door. I’m very nervous, and anxious about both and I hope I interview well. I’ve tried the idea of having my own business but I don’t feel safe with going to a house for massage unless if I know them well. I’m not closing the door on that thought, but I know I really do love working with a team than by myself.

I might self destruct your baby

I went to visit a friend of mine with her baby, and as you guys who have read my blog probably know I am not a baby person. They look at me with this look that clearly says, “Ma, what the hell is she?” knowing that I am just as unsure about them. But, I do love my friend, bought her lots of baby gifts before I left, so I wanted to see her little man.

When I first walked in he was in his carrier and didn’t even look like he was alive. This is probably a compliment, because he was very quiet, tiny, and peaceful looking while he slept. He’s a cute baby, which I don’t say casually because I am not much of a baby person.

Now, funny enough as it is, my brother just had a baby come into his life via his best friend and his wife. My brother was very funny in asking me what to bring as an offering and I told him probably get the parents some food… That’s what I did. He ended up walking the aisles of a store with his friend where they both commented, “I never thought I would come to this point, where you would be walking down the baby aisle with me looking for baby stuff.” Of course, my brother had the experience of me as a baby, while I never grew up with anyone younger than me, I was always the baby.

My friend is a great mom and it seems like everything came naturally to her. Since coming back to visit I’ve gone by my work and one of the first questions people ask me there is if a baby is my next thought. Since I never even held my friends baby because it was nighttime and he was self destructing and crying, so… that’s a definite no thanks.

I don’t like people pushing having a baby on me, I know my husband is much older than me so we don’t have all the time in the world but I’ve seen what my friend goes through with her little man in her life. Though he is quite adorable, she has gone through much sacrifice and her whole life has changed. I am much more eager to hopefully get back into my career with a bunch of other employees who enjoy their work to. Somewhere that I can work at where I can grow but also have a lot of fun at my job.

I do think that being a mother is one of the most selfless, self-sacrificing, and both the hardest and most rewarding jobs out there. I look forward to meeting my friends little man hopefully again when I visit. And, I loved seeing a fellow friend of mine hold her baby and how happy she was doing it.

Feed Me

With my job there is something that always seems to get me riled up and rather frantic about it. I just cannot stand it when I work, I’m extremely busy, and I don’t end up having a lunch.

A client shows up really late, I take them and give them the full hour massage, my next client shows up on time but I’m late from the first client so now I’m behind. And running behind means you don’t drink, you don’t have time for anything, let alone having a lunch. Lately I’ve been able to at least eat something in the 5-10 minutes between the next client but this wasn’t true with today. I ended up going straight through my shift without eating anything.

I get a little crazed when I work really hard, massage for a long time, and hardly have time to even chug water, let alone sit down for a lunch. So, before I left I heated myself up something, sat down, and shoved my face.

My clients were really good, I sold a really good amount of retail, but I am just exhausted. I picked up yesterday so I’m going on a lot of days and I’ve been booked up every single day. Luckily, I ate breakfast this morning and had some tea before I left but it just felt better to finally eat. My day tomorrow doesn’t look too booked, yet last Tuesday it was the same thing and I ended up filling up. I’m feeling kind of worn out and I’m looking forward to my days off to re-cooperate.

100% booked all the way, baby!

For the past month it seems every single day I’ve been like 100% booked for each one of my shifts, even on the weekday. Now, I’m not complaining, mind you, because I’d rather be busy than doing stupid stuff to keep busy or rather than being sent home early.  I like being busy and massaging for my whole day, plus it’s just nice to be consistently busy so I’m not holding my breath all day waiting for the manager to say, “You can go home if you want to.”

Today was the first day I didn’t have to eat my lunch within 5-10 minutes and run back to the Spa to get my room set up again. I actually got to take my time and eat, which I definitely savored and enjoyed.

I get a break now which is helpful because my arms and my hands aren’t holding up that well to being so busy. My hands have started to ache when I’m massaging and they are cramping after I massage when I grab something. I’ve been having clients who need firm to deep pressure consistently and I’m noticing my body is screaming uncle!

Tomorrow is my glaucoma testing and we will see what they find out. I’m nervous and anxious, yet I just want to get this out-of-the-way. I will try to schedule the laser eye surgery to help with the pressure in my eyes after they do the testing.

Just call me slow to simmer.

My mom describes herself as "Scrap"

My mother and I recently had a discussion where I had to remind her about my personality. I’m a relaxed person, very laid-back, hard to rile up, and take things as they come. To get me excited about something is actually not the easiest task sometimes because I will probably say “Yeah, okay, sure.” It’s not that I’m disinterested, or unenthusiastic, as my mother likes to say, it’s just that I’m a pretty chill person most of the time.

While she has compared herself to Scrap from the movie Ice Age, that paranoid, crazy prehistoric squirrel on the eternal pursuit to find that beloved nut of his. Just to have that nut taken from his tight arms by some unseen force.

That’s my mother.

She gets worked up about the smallest things. She yells and runs around and makes a ruckus about really, nothing. She likes to make drama when there isn’t any drama and she tells me my brother is like her. Which, yes, I can see the similarities between them, but also the differences. They find something out and get very excited. I enjoy a beautiful vacation like Sedona with silence and awe of how gorgeous mother nature can be. There’s only been about one or two vacations where the all of us in my family could genuinely relax and enjoy nature without talking and without doing something else 5 minutes later.

This is not to say I’m not like my mother. We have very similar personalities outside of me being pretty laid-back and not getting worked up too easily. Call me slow to simmer, but once I’m simmering I’m boiling pretty fast if a situation has really gotten to me. When I do get worked up I don’t calm down for hours, and talk about what happened over and over again.

My mother was planning a vacation to New Orleans.

It got cancelled because she felt like I wasn’t into it enough. Now, don’t get me wrong, I was excited to be trying out a new place, just not up to her ‘excitement level.’ So, we had a discussion where she was telling me it was my fault for her cancelling the New Orleans vacation. So, instead, she went with us doing Las Vegas instead.  Which, I don’t mind the change-up that much, Las Vegas is the adult playground of destinations. I was just interested in trying out a new place for a vacation, and though she thought I was ‘unenthusiastic’, I thought New Orleans sounded like a neat place.

Guess that just didn’t get through to my mother. I didn’t like being blamed for the mix-up in vacations, because I didn’t show the appropriate level of craziness and wasn’t jumping up and down and all around. Either way, I think it’ll be a fun trip with the now Las Vegas plan. Me and the man might try to do New Orleans on a day trip by ourselves. He’s been there before so he knows where to go and stuff, and he really liked going there too when he went by himself.

Plus, he and I get along like peanut butter and jelly and I love how laid-back he is. Even when I’m worked up, he calms me down and makes me more grounded. My mother makes me into a complete stress ball and then we are just going at each other back and forth until we calm down later or eventually lose steam.