Is my introversion showing?

DSC00156As much as I can fool everyone else that I am an extrovert I just can’t do the same with myself, and you better believe I have tried. Sometimes you just know as a kid that being around with people drains you, and that you totally crave ‘me‘ time. I was always that quiet and shy kid who always loved to just be alone with herself and my imagination would just run wild. If I ever was sent to my room for being bad or whatever reason I would relish in the quiet time and bring out my toys to play with them.

The only thing that has changed about me is I know how to handle people to make them feel at ease. I know how to make them believe that I am an extrovert and being considered an extrovert seems to make people feel comfortable. I put a lot of energy into being outgoing, loud, and fun at work which is who I am, but I don’t have enough energy at the end of my work day to go out and be social. After a day where I push myself all I can think about is coming home to my husband and being quiet and just taking it easy.

005With my job you can have some down time and when there’s down time people expect me to be around other people. On certain days I can push myself to be social and interact, but sometimes, I just can’t and that is when I generally keep to myself. During these forced quiet times I think that my introversion is showing, and I try my best to not to let it show, yet I can’t deny when all I want to do is recharge in peace and quiet.  My profession of massage has me being with people all the time when I’m busy, and if I have a day when my clients want to talk during their session I can get particularly exhausted. Luckily, it tends to be unusual for a client that needs to talk during their massage and even more peculiar for there to be more than one in a day.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI’ve become quite accustomed to the declaration that I am crazy. Pretty much everyone says it and growing up as a kid who was always called strange and an oddball I’ve learned to wear it like a badge of honor. My favorite thing to say in response, though I have many, is You wish you could be this kind of crazy!” Even when I was younger the other kids would try to bully me about my strangeness, and my anti-social nature, and back then I would still take it as a part of myself. I was unique, extremely unusual, and there was really nothing wrong with who I was unless I wanted to believe them.

So, on days where I know my introversion is showing I just tell myself it is a part of me. I can dance, and be goofy, and be crazy without a second thought but when I come home it’s time to press that recharge button.

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You say I’m an extrovert, nice try

IMG_0668It’s kind of funny that I suddenly got a kick to take personality tests and that every test is telling me I am an extremely strong extrovert. Like, I’m such an extrovert they rarely see people score that high in the extrovert category the results end up telling me. But, I kind of smile at that because I know that I am throwing the tests off.

I am the life of the party, and people tend to feel really comfortable being around me. I like to dance and I tend to talk a lot with ease. I mean look at my profession, I’m around people all of the time with massage! Yet, I am incredibly private, I feel uncomfortable talking about my personal life, and when I’m done with work the last thing I want to do is spend more time socializing. On the surface of things there seems to be no other category for me to go in but an extrovert with my loud and outgoing personality.

The tests just get that surface level of me, the side everyone sees when they meet me and when they think they know me. Luckily, I know myself better that when I need to recharge I do. And, when I feel like I’ve had enough of talking or being social I go back home to hang out in my bedroom.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI am a person known to break out in singing, dancing, I even ended up dancing on a kitchen counter at one party (I was encouraged to hop up on the counter, I tried to fight going up there, but it seemed like too much fun.) This seems to be in part to my not caring what people think of me, I am crazy, fun, and loud, you either take it or you can leave it.

When I was a child it was a different story, especially at family gatherings it was like a form of torture facing the holidays. I didn’t have anyone to talk to being the only girl, and the youngest, so I would find a quiet corner on Christmas eve year after year to read my book and wait for it to be over with. I wanted to sit at the adult table because I related to adults better even when I was very little. I’d always be that shy, reclusive kid and teenager, observing what was going on and studying people’s interactions.

There are very few people who meet me now and knew me way back when in school and they can’t quite believe I’m the same person. Then, it’s just as interesting to have people who have met me now and they can’t believe me to be anything but loud and you-see-what-you-get type of person. I may trick the personality quizzes, yet I can’t trick myself.