When you’re exhausted and you just can’t hide it

Sarah, are you tired? Oh, no, of course not! I just got something in my eye...

I just love it when a manager calls me out on how tired I look. I think every time they do that it puts an extra 10 years on me. And, when the man calls me out on being so tired looking, it adds on another 20 years. So, luckily, both these times are rare because I hide how I’m feeling so well, except these rare occurrences.

And, whenever someone suggests that I should be giving out free chair massages I wish I could stomp on their toe. Or toes. Or whatever will give them the sort of pain chair massages give me because they are much more painful at 10-15 minutes of doing it than a regular table massage at 30, 60, 0r 90 minutes. I can use my body and oils to massage, doing a chair massage is just me squeezing my hands for all that time and hyper extending my wrist.

You dingbat, you. Damn people and their stupid ideas, how about they try and do some little chair massages and see how great they are feeling afterwards. Oh, what’s that? Not feeling great at all and your hands hurt? Exactly my point.

At least I’m somewhat busy tomorrow. Sometimes, it’s just better to keep me in my dark massage cave.

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My better half makes my home complete

He’s finally coming home, tonight, which this week feels like it’s moved so slow since the moment he left. And, like I said, he is used to living alone and has been alone for a long time before he met me. I’ve always been with the folks or with people and it definitely is quite a different feeling when you are in an apartment and there is no one else in it with you. It doesn’t feel quite the same, it feels empty, but also not as complete. Home is where the heart is and my heart is with the man, and so it’s been quite a disconnected feeling having him gone.

I even got the apartment somewhat ‘prepped’ for him. I know that one of the things we do is to get our Starbucks water cups ready from the tap and he likes a lot of ice in his cup, me, not so much. My teeth tend to be sensitive and he likes everything cold, so I got his empty cup, filled it up with all ice, and then put some water in it. I set it inside of the room with the Queen bed so he’ll have it ready.

I also ended up writing a little note and putting it on his bed… telling him how much I missed him. Plus, the get well card I got for him and I to send to his Step-Dad since he just got out of the hospital and broke his ankle by falling off of a ladder. I swear, his Step-Dad does way too much handiwork around the house and should take it a lot more easy, but he wouldn’t listen to me, the man, or anyone else. He likes to do what makes him happy, and fixing things definitely is a big hobby of his.

LL (the caterpillar) is in his Chrysalis since the last time I saw him. When I left him he was hanging from a ‘J’ position and very still. I went over to the folks to do some laundry and to sleep over, which, of course, that place used to be my home before I moved in with the man. Now, I feel like a stranger in my old room and that twin bed keeps me up all night tossing and turning! On Wednesday I went in to my work to get a facial from one of my little estheticians and I’m also going to be taking her out this Sunday for post-date birthday celebration. I’m thinking I might get her some flowers on Sunday too because I found out she loves them and thought a cute little bouquet might be nice.

She’s one of the few gals who knows about my personal life, and was the first and only person to find out the day when I got engaged. I told her how much I was missing the man and she asked me if we were killing each other yet spending so much time together with me moved in. The thing is, that hasn’t been a problem and I ended up telling her that I couldn’t be happier to come home to him especially after a long, hard day at work. Even though I’m paying for ‘rent’, this now feels like our place and a relationship has to be two people working together. Not one person who takes, takes, and another who gives, gives, and who end up resenting each other in the end. There’s a give and a take, and you need to both work together as a team, even though my mother tells me that she made every man she was in a relationship with pay, and do, everything. She even had my father pay off all of her credit card bills before they got married. I know how that turned out in the end… not well at all.

I told the gal during the facial that I could have all the money in the world, and be miserable, and be alone, or, I could be with the best person I could ask for, be happy, have maybe less money, but find and hold onto the love of my life. She was kind of funny, she said to me, “What got into you? That doesn’t sound like you at all! Did something happen?” Me and her both have this thing about money, we like to keep it, we don’t like to spend it, she’s like my fellow money sister when it comes to how she handles it. But, I just told her it’s me just realizing how great it is to move in and be with the man. Plus, just trying to work through my issues with money, even though I’m not perfect.

And, having him to come home to and just getting a hug from the man, and cuddling up to him when we do watch TV is wonderful. And doing that consistently is even better, plus, just finally not being a gypsy may be a big help too.

It’s creepy, and wrong, and just doesn’t feel right!

Okay, I know, everyone needs alone time. Everyone needs to experience who they are and basically get some time off to themselves. I spend many a time playing on my lap top while the man sits out there and watches TV. There is no claiming of the remote control, he can flip channels as much as he pleases. But, no, he doesn’t flip. He prerecorded everything which is a new concept to me because I have always flipped to my destination of what to watch. He likes the control of fast forwarding through commercials. Me? I really don’t mind commercials and find some of them pretty cute.

What is wrong, and what I can’t seem to feel right about is not having him here right now. Not having him in another room, or someone, but mainly not having the man here. He left for the business trip today, and while he’s been used to being alone for a long time before I came along, I’m… not. There’s always been someone there for me to come home to. And since I’ve moved in I treasure even more that I come home to him. He says hello to me, we hug, I whine until I get my feet massaged or something, and we always, always, say goodnight to each other. It’s a ritual I’m already digging since I’ve moved in not too long ago. We hug each other before we go to sleep, say “I love you” and then go to sleep. Because I’m a light sleeper, and he’s become more of a snorer, we have like a schedule for what bed we sleep in.

I sleep in the King bed Thursdays and Fridays, we sleep together on Saturday nights with me stuffing ear plugs because I’ll focus on anything and not fall asleep sometimes. I’d normally give him back the King bed on Sundays, and Mondays, while I’d put myself away in the Queen bed. But, even if we don’t sleep together, we still say goodnight and have our little ritual.

It feels less safe by myself, which, I know, is crazy. It’s just it doesn’t feel the same. Or right, for that matter. It’s off putting, and while I try to tell myself to enjoy the control of the remote because I never hold that power in my hands to do whatever I want with it, I still wish I was watching it with him. This is the first night where I’m alone and he’s on his business trip, so of course it’s rough. I’m even up much later than I should or normally would be. He just kept on telling me on the phone he’d be back on Thursday. Which, I get, I know, but it doesn’t take away this feeling that this apartment is so empty without him here.

We went to my work meeting and party. I’m hoping he had a good time meeting my girls from work. Say what I may about where I work, but when it comes down to it, it’s like a second home, and just like a second family. I’ve been working there for 3 years now and some of the people I’m closet to in my life besides my family are girls from my work. The girls today kept on telling me how cute he is, and how cute we were, and quite a few of them said they were glad I brought him with. I was too, and it was stepping out of my comfort zone in a way. I’m a private person, keeping my life at home a closed book, but I was happy to show them the man who I was getting married to. Who I couldn’t help but to share with them again and have him meet my gals. The last time he went to one of our work things I was doing the softball game and there wasn’t really a chance to introduce or anything, I was freezing my butt off!

I had like 8 glasses of sangria, one spiked with some vodka at the party. It was delicious! And, I got myself a nice little buzz on too. He kept on calling me a lush, which may be true, but I’d never admit it! I didn’t get my grove on, and stuck with the man so he didn’t feel like I was abandoning him because I know at his work or friends thing he takes me to I always feel misplaced. There was certainly enough estrogen at the place to scare any guy into running for the hills!

Are you trusting me to be alone?

I have this irrational, weird fear I’ve had ever since I was a kid. See, now, this fear does have some reason why it’s a hang up for me but it translates into my life in many different ways. Mainly, that I don’t drive that much by myself unless if I’ve driven there before. All of my driving comes from memory, you can’t just give me MapQuest directions, or even worse, a map, and think I will be at the place of choice. I will be driving in circles, confused, dazed, and if you call me up, rather ticked off on the phone.

My fear is that I’m afraid of getting lost, and being abandoned. There was this one time I was a little girl and I went over the train tracks with my brother. We found some turtles, tadpoles, and my brother decided to leave me there when he brought our prizes back. Well, I kept on chasing bugs, insects, tadpoles around, but eventually began to panic. I’m guessing it had been hours and I was still left there, with my small bike, and started screaming my brothers name. Over, and over, and over again. These people came over (this was pretty much an abandoned area, or so I thought) and went to investigate the noise. I didn’t trust them, so I kept to myself, praying my brother would come back to get me.

He did, but I’m thinking I was pretty much hysterical. I’ve gotten locked in the garage with no lights (against, just a little girl) and have freaked out then. I’m sure there are more times than that, but I was even well known as a three year old to randomly walk off and be found with a group of strangers instead of my family. I think being lost is different than being alone, but I’ve always had someone to come home to.

There’s a huge comfort in that, coming home to someone. It’s like being back in your sanctuary, and even though I’ve just moved in with the man, it feels like a sanctuary with our apartment that we have. He’s going to be gone on a business trip next week from Monday to Thursday. I thought it was just Monday to Wednesday, but nope, of course, add another day to that. And, I just found out from him today that it’s going to be especially late on Thursday… like 12 o’clock midnight late.

I’d write more, but tomorrow is going to be murder for me. I’m not looking forward to the man leaving me for work, but I guess I gotta be ready for it, because he’s doing it whether I like it or not. It’s business, it’s just when I wasn’t moved in I’d just spend the time with my mom over at their place. Now, I’ll have this apartment to myself, and I’m so used to it having him in there welcoming me home when I step in the door that it will definitely be weird.

Honeymoons and Honey Moments

Sedona, Arizona

I’m going to be having a trip coming up in September where the man and I are going to Sedona, Arizona. I absolutely love Sedona because it’s just so beautiful with the red rocks. The way the light plays against the rocks, turning them a deeper, or lighter color, especially with even just the clouds passing by is just gorgeous. And, an experience to remember, just standing there, in silence, watching the landscape around you just become like a canvas and the sun being the paintbrush.

He has been to Arizona, but never Sedona before, so I’m excited to share it with him. Especially since it was one of my favorite places to visit because of the amazing views. Another favorite of mine was Puerto Rico, seeing the ocean for one of the first times in my life and this endless stretch of baby blue water and the white sands of Flamingo Beach. I became obsessed with collecting seashells, and couldn’t get enough of it. My family would be abandoned in the ocean for hours because they couldn’t keep up with me as I free dived to the bottom of where we were snorkeling so I could grab more seashells. I’m notorious for not staying with the group and my brother was thrown out into the ocean by my mom to find me and she told him not to come back to the boat unless if he had me with him.

My brother found me, but only eventually. I had my flippers on, and I’m a strong swimmer, but even stronger when I’m wearing those. There was this one time I went to free dive, and came back up for air, and unfortunately bumped into this older guy from the group by accident. He thought I was a shark and was scared out of his mind, I quickly apologized and went back to free diving.

My family only knew where I was in the ocean because my flippers would come together before I dived and it’d be a sign. Then, I’d disappear for several moments until I popped back up, gulped some air, and did it all over again. I’m not a surface swimmer, never have been, I love swimming on the bottom and have been doing that since they put me in water with pools. The ocean is like the biggest pool ever and with lots of fish to chase, I once chased after a pipe fish which looks like a straight seahorse but he got away from me. Even when the bottom was like 30 feet down I’d still try to free dive to reach it.

The man and I haven’t had too many vacations together. We’ve had Boston, where I had my lower back strain and I was miserable. Besides being in so much pain the entire trip I really enjoyed Boston and would go back there again for longer than a day trip. We had the Virginia trip, where we went to one of his relative’s weddings and decided to make a whole trip of checking out the area. And, well, that’s about it. My family has always been about traveling since I was a little girl, but with my job, and my career, I can’t do it so easily. We have to ask for the time off at least 3 months in advance, though generally I give them a 6 month heads-up.

Plus, I don’t get paid vacation. So, whatever days I take off… I eat the money I would normally make + tips so I see my paycheck when I get back and want to cry.

I’m excited by the thought of a honeymoon and what we can do. I’m not-so-excited about the money I’ll lose, the money I’ll be spending, and all that, but a honeymoon is a necessity. We are going to be doing it, it’s just a matter of what we’re going to be doing. A cruise? A trip… someplace? I’m planning to take at least a week or so off of work, and he’s been telling me the last few days we should finalize the plans. Our actual wedding we can’t get a date until December, because what with what we’re doing we can only get dates so far in advance. It’s a little frustrating, but I know I wanna shoot for hopefully sometime in April.

I’m just itching for a vacation. And itching even more at the idea of a honeymoon. I’m thinking a cruise, but I’m also wondering how they work too. Do you get cabin fever? Do you get sea sick for that matter? Will I want to jump in the ocean and go swimming even before they let me do it? It’s just that I’m a so not a planner, my mother and brother are though, so going to plan stuff stresses me out. The man doesn’t like to plan too much either, so we are quite a pair!

Little guys need lovin’ too.

Little guys need some lovin' too...

So, I’ve been M.I.A. a little bit lately. I had my crazy night out with the girls, and then settled back down so that I could be murdered by work. I also ask you what’s white, yellow, and black all over? No, it’s not a skunk that has gotten into some mischief with some yellow paint. Or my mother wearing Zebra print with a yellow necklace. It’s a Monarch caterpillar, something I haven’t seen or dealt with for quite a while. See, I used to work at a nature center when I was younger inside of their butterfly garden. They had giant swallowtails, zebra swallowtails, and several other species of butterflies, including the Monarchs.

The swallowtail, which a certain kind actually looks like a Monarch, get aggressive when you get to close to them. Well, as aggressive as something as you can easily squish can get, right? The Monarchs are pretty laid-back because they are poisonous and don’t have too many predators. Or, well, so I thought.

I kidnapped 3 Monarch caterpillars from this nature preserve I went with with the man. He watched me as I ran from one milkweed to the next, looking underneath the leaves, on top, everywhere. I found my first one inside of a milkweed pod chewing away. Snatching the little guy up, I grabbed as many leaves as I could possibly hold. The man kept on calling to me that how many leaves could one little bug eat? Well, I knew from the nature garden, and my own rearing of caterpillars that they are eating, pooping, little monsters.

The one caterpillar multiplied into two more when I got back.I found more on the leaves that I brought home with me. A small one, like the one I found, and then an even smaller one. He hasn’t seen me with anything before, taking care of it, and constantly laughed and called me overprotective. I texted him one day to get them off the patio because it ended up raining and I didn’t want them to get too wet or drowned. It’s been like a week and I suddenly realized there are more predators, unseen ones that make their presence known and there isn’t anything you can do about it.

They were killed, two of them, by that unseen predator. A parasite that killed them and popped out Alien movie style. It was awful! I found the thing that killed the one and made sure to squish the hell out of it. Then, the other got sick the next day, same thing, so I boiled the damn thing that did it for several minutes. I never knew this could happen, and have never had it happen before when I raised them in the butterfly garden or by myself. I have one more little guy I found over by my folks place I’m taking care of. He’s tiny, not even the size of your fingernail. We can’t have pets, because he’s allergic, so this kind of gets around that.

The man keeps on telling me I will be one of those crazy overprotective mothers. I doubt it, but he still teases me about my persistence with taking care of my ‘bugs’.

Besides the caterpillars I’ve been feeling kind of unimportant lately at work. I know, I know, I just got a raise, so why would I feel that way? It’s just that I kinda feel like I don’t matter. Which may not be true, but it’s just been how I’ve been feeling. It’s that feeling of whatever I’m doing, it’s just not enough. Kind of like being burnt out, yet I think it’s more like being jaded too. Almost like I’m disconnected from people. It’s probably just a funk I need to shake off.

When you dance and no one joins you…

Okay, so, I don’t really party too much. I’m very much a home body, and like to be by myself. And, well, I just never learned/wanted to party even before I was 21 or after for that matter. One of the girls at work was turning 21 and a bunch of work people were going so I decided I’d take the plunge and show up at dinner, and at the drinking hole of choice.

Why is it always on someone else’s 21st birthday party that I get free drinks and chug it down? I’m one of those cheap-o drinkers that can’t drink too much because I won’t spend the money, but if someone else has spent the money, and can’t finish their drink, or even better, got it for me, am I going to refuse it? No! I will toss that back with a merry little dance.

Talking about dancing, why is it that people need to have like 5 drinks before they can dance? Do they think that they have the mad skills of a true dancer after several of them? Or, more to the point, they have 5 or more drinks before they dance so that in the morning they forget about what they did. That’s probably the truer statement of the two. For me, I will just start busting my groove everywhere, anywhere, whether I’m drinking water or drinking a vodka whatever. I’m always the lone dancer, but whenever I hear music my hips start a moving, and then my shoulders, and suddenly I’m getting down with my bad self.

It’s a sickness I don’t want to be cured of. Oh no.

I stopped drinking at 2 drinks, then ended up being offered a shot or two. My mom was on high alert because she knew I was doing this and was already warning me to watch myself and texting me during the entire escapade. I had dinner with the girls at six, ended up over at the watering hole at eight, and ended up leaving around 12 o’clock at night. It was a fun time, but I’m glad I don’t do it that often. I had to kind-of-sorta parallel park and since I had problems doing this when I was stone cold sober I was a little nervous once I did have some drinks.

So, my mom keeps texting me. Do you want me to come over? I finally said yeah, that I was afraid getting out of the parking spot and it might be a situation. She shows up, I hop in my car, back up, head out, no problem. I’m following her like my beacon in the light. Then, she turns off where I know isn’t the way back home. I call her up, tell her she’s going the wrong way, but she’s going to hop on the tollway and wants me to too.

Well, I’m a bull-head. I took local and didn’t have a problem. Got back after her and decided to spend the night over at the folks because it was closer than going over to the man’s. Just to play it safe.

The aftermath of this drinking situation are a sour stomach, a pretty much sleepless night, but it could be worse. Every time I drink it seems to mess up my stomach, so I’m used to that, and my nose was congested so that didn’t help me sleep either. I don’t have to go to work today and I’m probably going down to see my brother and hang out with him. I think I got the drinking gene from him, my mother is a lightweight, and so is my father, and my brother… he’s like a fish. The stories of him drinking are quite something and hilarious. He’s more of a beer fan, I’m more of a vodka girl.

But, it’s nice these kind of partying days/nights aren’t too frequent (like hardly ever). My stomach tends to be upset by the tiniest things and you force a lot of alcohol for it to deal with and it’s not happy. And, if it isn’t happy, well, neither are you. Plus, unless if you are drinking with the drinkers it’s hard to communicate with them. It’s like you develop a second  buzzed/drunk language that even if you don’t understand them, it’s still somehow hilarious what anyone is saying.

We aren’t dating anymore, so what is it? It’s ‘We.’

This whole, moving back and forth, being at his place, being at the folks, migrating and being a gypsy caused us to be in a sort of perpetual dating stage. Which, it wasn’t quite dating in that sense of those first 3 months where you pick up some new clothes, make your hair just so, and then meet at a certain place, butterflies in the stomach flying around. More in a settled, ‘I’m living with you but I’m not’ kind of stage where you can wake up in the morning, stumble out of bed, and not cause him to run away screaming.

I’m always amazed at that. Waking up in the morning I look like the walking dead. Hair is such a mess, throat is parched, walking with a sort of low energy shuffle into I fully wake up. And the man still calls me pretty. Which, I call him crazy in response, and I don’t feel like I’m presentable until I take my necessary shower to wake me up and tame my hair.

We will be to that married couple state without being married. Comfortable to be with each other and getting into that whole role of always having the other to come home to. It probably won’t hit me until the week day the transition and move. He and I are always together on the weekend, it’s our time, but the week day is when I travel back to the folks.

It’s not just ‘I’, but I am seen as a ‘We.’ Which is strange, because I’ve never really been a ‘we’ before. Even with my ex it was a long distance relationship so there was that little bit of time together, but most of the time it was time off. Which it turns out that it’s nice to come home to him after work on these weekdays. It’s relaxing, safe, and just feels right. Sometimes he sends a little text to my phone when I’m in the other room that says I’m pretty or something like that and it gets me to smile. Which is much needed after a not-so-busy day and with an odd client at the end.

To be honest, I haven’t felt quite so pretty lately. Or, that well. I’ve been feeling tired, stressed, and a little out of whack. Which, messes with ‘sexy times’ with the man but I think I’ll get back together soon. It’s just making these adjustments, and how hard I’ve been trying and pushing at work to meet and break my numbers they set for me, and getting used to everything. I feel kind of worn and torn, and have randomly been battling with pain in my wrists, arms, an upset and unhappy stomach, on top of other things.

I think something that might help is taking care of myself. Getting a haircut, massage, facial (not in all one day, of course) to make me feel like I’m doing anything for myself. I work with these girls who look gorgeous all the time, it is the beauty industry, of course, and are super skinny and make-up and perfect hair and I think it gets to my head sometimes. I don’t want to be that, because it isn’t me, but I take a look at myself and it’s just… meh. Especially after work, where I’ve sweated inside of my massage room since the air conditioning doesn’t kick on until after I’m done with a client and it feels like I’ve been boiled alive like a lobster in a pot.

Not a pleasant feeling… at all. So, I think I’ll feel more in harmony once I feel a little more settled. But, for now, it’s kind of like an up and down roller coaster of feeling not-so-hot and wanting to isolate myself sometimes. He’s so sweet though and always reminding me I’m pretty, even if I don’t quite believe him.

No need to have a shit fit

As my family calls it, one of my clients, unbeknownst to me, had a shit fit while I was in the room massaging someone else. See, I am bent and determined to have this be a good retail month, dammit! I got my raise, so I gotta raise up my ‘goals’ so hopefully I can get another one…. and paid vacation. Paid vacation would be a huge benefit to my wedding/honeymoon and having that paid would give me one less thing to worry about. Like where is the money going to come from to replace my time I’ve had off when I do do the deed.

So, with this guy, I used this oil on his neck and shoulders to help loosen it up because it was like working on concrete. And, I know what you’re thinking, “a guy’s muscles being as hard as concrete, oh yeah baby!” No, no, baby, those muscles push me out and the pressure is increased and my wrists start to cry. The stuff I used on him really does have great benefits with pain relief, loosening up muscles in-between massages, and I swear by the stuff. It’s not like I had a whole arsenal waiting at the front desk for him for the front desk girl to recommend to him, just that.

He says to the front desk girl, “She showed me those f*cking products. I don’t want those f*cking products!”

Alrighty, Mr. Personality, no need to take it out on a front desk girl who is just doing her job. Plus, well, he was weird. Very strange. And I swear he tried to look down my shirt. I do not appreciate that one bit. And, he asked me if I was boss of everyone in the spa. Which, makes no sense. Why would I be the boss of everyone? He also said some other stuff where I was looking at him, tilting my head, trying to understand what he was talking about. So, that kind of perturbed me, especially since I’m just trying to do my job and I’m not throwing stuff at him I don’t use myself and love.

My arms hurt from massaging, and so do my wrists. I felt some pretty painful twinges when I was working and tried to adjust myself to fix it. The elbow needs to be a part of what I do, but mine is pretty pointy, and I just feel the pressure is too much and like controlling it is an issue. It’s just a thing I need to ice myself, and shake the situation off with the one client, but it’s easier said than done.

Home is where you are

Like the buildings in this photo, the feeling of moving can be a daunting task. Suspended out of reach, so large, unmovable, intimidating. I grabbed the last of my stuff today, bought a lot of groceries to fend for myself on my days off, and packed up my car. My mom was talking about what she would do to ‘my’ room… which is no longer mine. My stomach has been in a bit of knots and I’ve tried to remember everything, but to no avail.

I forgot about my healthy humus, crackers, bananas that I left at the folks place. I am officially ‘moved in’ with the man. Prepared to pay rent, fend for myself when it comes to food, and start to settle into the role of cohabitation and making this feel like home. But, I know that home is where the man is. He watched me as I rummaged through my stuff, ran back and forth, went in a room, went out, and went back in it with a dazed face. He laughed at me as I scuttled back and forth sometimes ending up in just standing there with a, “what do I do now?” look on my face. Trying to get as much as I can put away, but having too much to tackle in one night. Even though I will try.

He had me lay next to him and slow down for a second. The man hugged me close and said to me, “Welcome home.”

My rollie poly suitcase that I’ve been living out of can be retired. Instead of going back to my folks for some time, his for the weekend, back to my folks for Sunday through Thursday and repeating it over and over, I can start to grow some roots. This is a little different from my up-rooting tendencies so I’m sure this will take some time to get used to. It feels strange. Not bad, just that I don’t think it’s hitting me the transition yet since it’s the first night.

My closet is amazing.It’s like a thing of beauty! With all of my tons of clothes, and everything finally hung up I still have space for more. There are shoe racks, cabinets to put stuff in, and it’s definitely holding up to my stuff being stuffed into it. It looks like a bomb exploded with everything be here and there, out in the open, yet not quite put away. And it’s not even like I have an excuse, I’ve been slowing moving in and putting thing away for around a month or so. But, with the final voyage of moving there are crates stacked up and a mess looking at me.

The man has been telling everyone at his work all week that he is getting a roomie. Which is hilarious, and asking me if I’ve been telling people at my work. We couldn’t be more opposite when it comes to that. He will tell anyone and everything about what’s going on in his life, and people at my work don’t even find out that I’m engaged until 5-6 months afterwards. I tend to be an extremely private person, where no one knows what’s going on with me, and he doesn’t mind sharing stuff with his co-workers or whoever it may be. He’s definitely very trustworthy and I’m… not.

It’ll be strange to have my mom so far away. I know I complain about her, and we go at each other sometimes, but in the end I’ve gotten used to having her so close and it’s gonna be an adjustment.