The Game Changer when you fall

214I’ve never been one to dream of getting married, rather I’ve been the complete opposite. The last thing I could see myself doing, and this is before I met my husband, was getting married. My history with men has not been good at all, and this has been even at a young age. What I’ve gone through with life has built me into a guarded and protected person. I’ve been this way as long as I can remember, I was always afraid of relationships, or even friendships.

My fear was the fact of getting hurt, and a lot of people who have come across me understand me on the surface. When I met my husband for the first time, I felt something I had scoffed at in those predictable romantic comedy movies.

It was love at first sight, but even more than that, it was love at first words. He just seemed to get me when we first interacted, I loved our banter we had going on and how he could keep up with me. He was funny, fun-loving, one of those types of people who entered the room and lit it up. I knew there was an age difference because I’ve always been interested in older men… It’s like what I’m programmed for. I just didn’t know how much the age difference would be, and it turned out to be not a small amount, but not enough for me to give up on what I felt that first time I met him.

I felt really, genuinely happy being with him. So, of course, you know what I did? I shot him down for my phone number, severely, and he left the party. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be in a relationship again, I had planned not to and had accepted the fact I didn’t want to be with anyone.

If I wanted to take a chance on my emotions really showing I knew I would have to hope he’d come to a party the next day. And, I’d have to decide if I could really let this new found great thing slip out of my fingers like I’ve done so many times before. My choice ended up to chose the unknown, but not after seeing my husband a second time, shooting him down again and finally giving him my phone number the next day because I tracked down his email.

pongEvery day I feel like sometimes the fight for that love is easy, and other times it may be more difficult. One of you may fall down, and you need to be that rock. And other times, while normally you’re strong, suddenly you need that support all the time. I’ve never moved so far in my life, and I’ve never had to struggle for a job without even a single response like I have in this new place.

What I’ve gone through in life that has made me a more guarded and protected person are my scars. They are invisible to anyone else, and I keep them covered up with a smile as my barrier. I’m just happy I have that one person, my husband, to show them to. I’ve never felt the spark before in me when I first saw him and even more when we first started talking. To make me change my mind about everything I thought I knew, I knew he was that special person. He was a game changer, that person who didn’t ask me to ever change and to always be myself.

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2 Comments

  1. This is very beautiful. I am so glad that you have found someone around whom you can be entirely as you are. I’m sure he values the move you’ve made enormously and I think it’s testament to your strength as a couple that the change has left you as united as ever. Really hope a job turns up for you soon. I completely understand the frustration, helplessness and hopelessness that accompanies a long-term search. Things will turn out for the best though. Of that I’m sure!

    Reply
    • Lots of times my mother likes to chirp in my ear about how he can’t stand that I’ve been unemployed for so long, and he has got to be sick of it, but he’s been extremely supportive. Thank you so much for your kind words too, being jobless and turning up without a phone call every day just makes you feel like you’re on an island sometimes. I’m hoping that the struggle for a job means the one I get will be that much more amazing, that’s what I keep on telling myself!

      Reply

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