Shy as can be, that was me

I’ve been described by people who they think know me from when I was in grade school, college, and when I was being homeschooled as sheltered and super shy. They tend to make the assumption that being homeschooled I was absolutely sheltered and being in college I might have been shy because I was very quiet in the classroom. What they didn’t know was that as I was homeschooled I volunteered for so many places, went to England, and did ‘field trips’ all the time which led me to an airplane flying all over the place. I was quiet in my classes because I wanted to hear what the teachers were saying, and I was pretty much an honor roll student in college.

I will admit I am probably a mixture of an introvert and an extrovert. I’d much rather be quiet and watch people interact to understand them rather than flapping my gums and listening to myself talk. My clients rarely discovered anything about my personal life, even if they had been seeing me for 3-4 years. I preferred if they wanted to talk listening to what was going on in their lives and can get uncomfortable with someone purposefully trying to pry into mine.

I absolutely love dancing and will do it at anytime, anywhere, even if people are staring at me. I know whenever I’ve tried to go dancing with friends they practically have to be drunk and I am sober and kicking it whenever I hear a good beat. Public speaking is something I get a kick out of. It’s thrilling when I prepare for it and I’m ready to deliver my heart is racing like I’m getting ready to jump a fence with my horse. I get a sense of accomplishment I can’t quite describe when I speak in front of a bunch of people and I do a great job at it. The last time I did that was with people I knew and I made my very own massage class, which went so well that I was definitely super pumped about it.

I also did two poetry readings at a poetry slam where they were encouraged to boo the readers off the stage. I heard someone hiss when I was speaking, I lost my train of thought and paused, and then kept on with the poem I memorized for it. That was such an empowering experience to keep on with my poem even after someone hissed at me and then the claps I heard after I was done just made it that much sweeter.

I don’t make friends easily, I don’t keep friends generally and I don’t let them into what’s going on in my life unless if I feel the time is right. This isn’t to say I’m not nice to people, I am more than welcoming but letting someone into my heart is really hard. I’m maybe not shy, but I certainly am guarded.

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6 Comments

  1. I am the same way. Once you’re in my circle, you’re in my circle. Some of my closest friends are from my high school days, even though we all live far from where we grew up. My husband, even, is from my high school days. We met when we were 14 – didn’t hear from each other from ages 18-34 and…blammo, I married the guy. He was in my circle a long, long time ago.

    Reply
    • I don’t have anyone who knows me from grade school, homeschooled, or college that I’ve kept in contact with. I think that is wonderful that your husband is from your high school days! I just don’t hold on to people really and don’t let people in so for me it’s hard to keep friends, I am just a lone wolf. But, the few people in my circle I love a lot though. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Really interesting to read your description of how you’re a mix of the two. I think I am quite similar in some ways. I am never the centre of attention and feel uncomfortable when in a big group. But I love meeting new people and am very good at small talk. Complete strangers have described me as “super open” which is ironic because I hardly ever open up to people. I hardly trust anyone enough to let them in on something private. But I love acting and would be okay doing improv in front of a huge group of people. On the other hand, I hate public speaking and have a hang-up about not being able to string a sentence together. We are all funny mixes of attributes, aren’t we? It would be interesting to try and figure out where they all came from!

    Reply
    • You sound just like me, absolutely love meeting new people but big crowds really puts me on edge and I can gt very anxious walking through or staying in a really crowded area. I’ve been told I am super open too, which is pretty funny, because I tend to keep stuff to myself for sure especially if it is something serious happening in my life. I would love to know where all those attributes came from too!

      Reply
  3. What an insightful post. For the longest while I was under the impression that extroverts were the leaders in society and that introverts were relegated to being followers. My perception has changed, especially after reading of Susan Cain’s “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.” The world needs both introverts and extroverts. I think listening and observing are powerful skills that we all could use an extra measure of.

    Reply
    • Yeah, I think that it’s easy to think that extroverts must e the leaders because of their outgoing personalities but introverts can definitely learn a lot just be being quiet, watching, and listening. I’ve always been one to ‘people watch’ and I absolutely love checking out the interactions of people in public and reading their body language to guess what is going on. Introverts are the ones who know more about someone than what you may think! 😉

      Reply

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