Find your happiness and hold onto it

I’ve always been a pretty happy person, plenty of crazy, and an awful lot of goofinness in one package. But, even I have been engulfed by depression though I try not to look back on it or acknowledge it in any way. I hit a pretty critical depression when I was with an abusive boyfriend who told me every day I was ugly, stupid, worthless, and a whole lot of terrible names.

This was also a point in my life where I was stuck and it seemed like I might not be able to pass my GED because of the math portion of it. All I wanted to do was fully be in college but I needed my GED to do it and I only had one chance left. If I didn’t pass I would have to wait another year to try it all over again.

It was a hopeless time, dark, where I didn’t feel like eating because I had no appetite. I lost around 40 to 50 pounds in a couple of months, without trying to lose weight, I just didn’t want to eat at all.

I have been lucky enough to find a supportive partner, my husband, to catch me when I fall down and to hold me close when I cry. He is wonderful and caring, and he just gets me and laughs at me when I’m being silly, which is pretty consistently. But, now I suddenly have to think about my happiness and what to find here to make me feel connected with this new place.

Jobs have always had this strange effect on me which is that when I love it, and enjoy it, it becomes a huge passion of mine. A challenge for me to accomplish on a day-to-day basis, but also a love and feeling of accomplishment I can’t quite replicate. I love to work, even more so when I have a fun environment to do it in and some great clients that I can come across.

I have to find my happiness besides work, besides my husband, and this is strangely not as easy as I thought. There are things I take pleasure in, like swimming, and of course writing and blogging, but I don’t have any friends here except for my husbands coworker who has the horses.

I job search so much and I thought it would be a piece of cake… But it’s not. I just keep trying to keep my chin up and a positive attitude as I check day by day.

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