What I don’t want to lose

Picture I took in Key West of the sun setting.

I was just thinking of things I wouldn’t want to lose because of my weight loss expedition, and of course my new life journey in a whole new place too. For the weight loss/toning up/I want to be able to massage 6 clients in a row without being exhausted challenge I’ve given myself there are certain parts of my body that I wouldn’t like to lose. What I wouldn’t like to lose are the only body parts that I seem to like on me, which is my chest (like it, love it, gotta have it) and my butt (also like it).

My butt is slowly shrinking though because of all of the leg exercises I’m doing but I think in the end it will be a lean and more toned, I’m hoping. My chest is something I have enjoyed since I’ve gotten one, it’s the right size, and I’m well endowed which I’ve always taken pride in. Luckily they seem to not be disappearing because I’ve always heard once you lose weight you lose it first in your chest and then everything else follows… which to me seems just cruel. Why can’t it disappear first from where women seem to focus on, like their stomach, or for me, my thighs?

I also don’t want to lose myself with this move to a whole new place miles and miles away from my original ‘home.’ I don’t want to lose my confidence, I don’t want to accept anything that I know is not for me. I want to embrace this life, but there are days I feel stuck in a rut, days that I feel lost at what to do. I’m not sure how to take this new direction, and there is just a ton of uncertainty of what road I want to walk down. I said “I do” to this new life, I knew the day of our wedding we would get married, get in the rental car, drive to the airport, and fly to our new home within hours of each other.

I was aware that on my wedding day not only was I saying goodbye to my family, but also on the same day I went into my work to get my hair and makeup done and it was a heart wrenching goodbye to them.

It took me a very long time to make friends at my work, I’m a closed off person, and I rarely, if ever, talked about my home life. It took years to open up, and so the few friendships I made mean a lot to me and that’s why I send them cards on their birthday and a card for their new baby. That means I need to work really hard to trust new people, and let them in and I’ve never been a fan of doing this. But, life is so much better when you have people to care about you, and when you can love and care about them in return. I’ve been raised to be jaded and to guard myself, which is why I love my husband so much. He’s accepting, big-hearted, and seems to make friends so easily. He doesn’t hold onto things like I do, and he can move past things much quicker than I can.

This new direction is changing me, and I am such a bull-head to change. I have to accept it, I have to realize what opportunities it gives me and how I will mold myself into a better person in the end.

Leave a comment


  1. wow!!! I’m having second thoughts on staying single now 😉

  2. A few good friends is worth a hundred acquaintances. I wish you all the best in your new life and that you meet people who will care about you. I’m glad you’re with somebody you love and who treats you so well.

    • Totally agree, that is a great way to put it, a few good friends is worth a hundred acquaintances. I normally put people at acquaintances length from me because I am a very private person, and I’m used to sticking out things alone. Thank you so much for your comment and I am lucky to find someone who puts up with me (I can be sooo stubborn!) and he does treat me really great too. 🙂

  3. ‘Many of my clients are models, yet people are always astounded when I explain they don’t have it easy,’ she says. If you are attractive other women think you lead a perfect life — which simply isn’t true.


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