Get back in the saddle

I realized something with my last blog post, something I certainly have tried to ignore and push out of my head and fight for a few years now. I am a horseback rider, it is literally in my blood and my family on both sides has horseback riders. I can see an image of a horse from miles away, and as a little girl I collected breyer horses. I pretended that they were my own and even had a wooden stable for them. I raced them in circles, jumped them over miniature jumps, and dreamed of having my own horse.

And, I got my own horse, and she was amazing, spirited, bratty, smart, and most of all, one-of-a-kind. I loved her more than anything, even when she tossed me, even when she hurt me when she was younger. We fought each other and we were both stubborn, but I still loved her to death. She was diagnosed with a degenerative disease and slowly that feisty little thing started to slowly fade before my eyes. The pain was evident, she limped when she trotted and it was clear she was in so much pain. Near the end she went off her feed and stopped eating, me and my mom were distraught and tried everything to get her better. We did injections that were supposed to help and supplements, and kept fighting hard but she was suffering, and kept on losing so much weight.

Finally, we made the decision we didn’t want to make. I cried for so long, and I still cry when I think about it. I put away my model horses and took down every bit of horse stuff I had. The saddles, the bridles, all of our equipment and clothes were boxed away and I swore to myself I would never do anything with horses again. How could I when I finally owned my first horse and then lost her even though my mother and I tried so hard to do everything to make her better.

Horseback riding has always affected me in a strong way, whether it’s the adrenaline rush of jumping or the peace I feel from trail riding. I’ve been doing it since I was 7 years old, and I did everything horse related I could. I even tried every riding style out there, from English, to hunter/jumping, saddle seat, and I even dabbled in western and gaited horses. My favorite type of horse was always the high-strung ones, the horses no one else could handle. That was the type of horse my girl was, my first horse, and she was high-strung and hard to train. I like the challenge of a horse that is nervous and how I can calm them down by just not being affected by their nervous energy. I enjoyed breaking in gaited horses when I got the opportunity and how it feels being in the saddle.

I think I’m going to try to get back into riding, I think it might make me feel more at home with the move and get me back into something I’ve loved for so long. I hope I’m strong enough to get back into the saddle and ride again, because I’ve tried to tell myself I don’t want to be a horseback rider again but I know it’s in my blood.

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4 Comments

  1. I’m very sorry for your loss. Losing an animal can be very similar to losing a loved one because they are very much a part of our lives.
    I am glad to see that you are starting to want to ride again. You can’t deny what is in your blood, and from the amount of feeling that you expressed in this it is certainly coursing through your veins. One of my goals in life is to own a horse, so I hope that someday I could write about this topic with the same passion.

    Reply
    • First off, thanks so much for commenting, I wasn’t sure about making this post public because it is so personal to me, and thank you for your sympathy too. Owning a horse is something I always wanted, but they are very expensive and luckily my mom helped me out with my first horse because on my own I would never be able to pay for her board because I didn’t make enough in a month to pay for her and my bills. The horses offered to me to exercise recently are super smart, much more so than any horses I’ve met besides my own, so they are a huge challenge. I do think that once an avid horse person you will always be one, even though they are about the most expensive thing you can get yourself into! 😉

      Reply
  2. Ahh For the LOVE of horses.. ❤ Once you lay eyes on them and have the honour of being in their presence there really is no going back from there.. So much is to be learned, through the experience.. The good, the bad and the sad.. Yet we can never stay away for too long.. xx Glad to read you are looking to get involved again.. ❤

    Reply
    • Horses are definitely an animal I can relate too… especially the ones that are stubborn and so impossible to deal with, I can relate their personality to mine. It’s nice getting back into it, but certainly not easy with five horses running wild and they know how to corner me like sharks sometimes! Thank you for your comment!

      Reply

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