Sparkly Boobs at the Airport? Oh, I gotta pat you down!

How I feel at the airport sometimes… no where to run or hide!

There is something I have noticed over my many, many, times of traveling over the years and with recent trips I’ve been making. Do you have zippers on the bottom of your pants? Well, you shouldn’t wear them, because you will get a swipe down with the metal detector. I figured this out and though I love my pants with the zippers on the bottom part of them, they just make me look better, I forbid them from being worn when I’m traveling in the airport. Zippers in unsuspected areas are obviously dangerous, which no one told me but I’m deducing from my travel experience.

Would you like to wear a shirt with some bedazzling on the chest? Would you like your breasts to look super awesome with some sparkly shiny stuff right in the cleavage area? I seem to have more pairs of shirts than I can count with some sparkles or embellishment on the chest and they don’t make me look like a stuffed sausage on.

Now, obviously, sparkles on your chest must also be a no, no, because not only do I get the wave of the wand but I get my breasts rubbed down from middle of my bra out several times.

I even asked my mom on my recent trip back home if this shirt I was planning to wear would be okay. It only had a little of some flashiness in the breast area and it was loose fitting and quite comfortable to wear. She told me I would be fine, and I went through the line like a pro. Shoes were taken off in record time,  belt whipped off in a flurry of movement, all of my stuff was out of my pocket! I was ready, and an amazing example of airport efficiency with the security check through.

Then, I got pulled aside. That wand was in their hand, and the gloves were on. Those white, latex gloves just itching to pat me down.

She didn’t even need to tell me why, I interrupted her with, “It’s the sparkles on my boobs, right? I even asked my mom if it would be okay!” The lady smiled and nodded, asking me if it would be okay if she patted me down.

Ah, yes, pat me down. It’s my fault, now my tempting boob bedazzled shirts will be put away when I’m going to the airport. If you are feeling me up with an airport pat down I at least want a free alcoholic drink first, please.

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  1. Hmmm I do try to avoid wearing anything with zippers and metallic embellishments when I’m flying. Guess I’ll try to make a double effort when I’m travelling to the States 🙂

    • Ha, I know, you don’t even think twice about it, right? But, every time I’ve worn zippers on my pants (and I do mean EVERY time) and the little bedazzling on my chest they either swipe me down with the pants or pant me down if it’s on my chest! I’ve just come to expect it so I am trying to do airport ‘friendly’ ware when I go flying because I never get pulled aside for my bags, it’s always my clothing.


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