I know I have talked about my crazy family, but I think that every family has doses of craziness in it. Mine is dysfunctional at times, but I end up being thankful for having a stronger relationship with my brother that doesn’t involve us beating each other into the ground. With the miles separating me not just from my brother, but my mother as well, I find myself missing them especially in the hours I have where the hubby is working.
My brother has never been much for phone calls, so updates on how he is doing are so brief that it’s basically an “yeah, things are fine” and the phone conversation is over. My brother I would say is most like my mom in terms of them both being very high strung and they have a hard time relaxing. I am more relaxed and only tend to freak out in situations where I have an intense fear (like getting lost).
I miss not being able to see my brother once a week with my mom and going into the city to see him and having food at all the great places you can dine at. I also realize eating the way I was and going out every day certainly wasn’t healthy and I found it near impossible to keep up my fitness routine once I was back with my mom. I would have to go out walking for an hour late at night, since she normally stays out until 9pm every day.
But, I remember with my walks outside I noticed things about where I was born and raised that I never noticed before. How clear the stars are in the sky, the feel of the crisp air once the heat died down, and going back into the city it looked even more beautiful than I had ever imagined. Even in the heat of the summer there was always this cool breeze I never noticed but I definitely appreciated. It looked familiar being back with my family, yet I saw it in a whole new light.
Trying to keep up with my fitness bug and walking late at night I saw all sorts of animals, from a great owl walking around on the ground, to a hoard of baby raccoon and the momma raccoon leading them around.
Even though I was back with my family I couldn’t help feeling off and empty without the hubby. I missed not being there to greet him when he got home, I missed having him near me in the late hours. At night when I walked and it was so beautiful outside I wish he was there with me to feel and see it all. It was a whole mixed bag, being happy to be back, yet wanting him to be back there with me. I missed his compassion and went back to the feeling of what it was like when he moved without me and we were separated.