Countdown to our Separation

I’m not as excited about this month as I could be, but I guess I can at least be happy he and I our still together, even if he’s gone every week. Every time he’s gone for his one job I try to deal with it as best as I can. I then think about how at the end of this month we won’t be together. He will move away, and I’ll still be working at my job moved back in with my parents.

And, for someone who was apprehensive about moving in because of the prospect of paying him rent I don’t even care that I’m saving money moving back in with my folks.  I just want to be with him and I’ve come to love us living together and to depend on him to be there. Sometimes I ask myself how can I make these months before our wedding where we are separated before I move down.

The answer is … I don’t know how I’m going to make it. I’ve asked myself many times if this is the right decision. If I could modify my plan and just move with him at the end of February. I’ve thought it over and over again, replaying it in my head, and I’m absolutely torn.

I don’t think I’ve ever allowed myself to depend on someone as much as I do with the fiancée. I’m a one woman show, and it took me a long time to work through my trust issues to finally give myself completely over to him. To depend on him to be there for me when I needed it, and to let him take care of me when I’m exhausted and tired. I like to go into hermit crab mode when something is bothering me or when I’m hurt because I don’t like anyone to see it. I’ve learned it from my family, but have slowly re-learned to let the man do things for me if I need his help or even just let him put me to bed when I’m exhausted.

I don’t like the clock counting down and I wish I could stop it so I didn’t have to face being separated from him.

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4 Comments

  1. Good morning!
    I can sort of relate to what you’re going through. The man I am in a relationship with lives with me off and on and then lives in another state the rest of the time. It is HARD. We’ve had this kind of arrangement for over two years now. Sadly, it’s just how it has to be right now. The best thing you can do is keep busy to take your mind off of it. At least that works for me. We write, we call and talk all the time, but it gets really lonely without him so I do understand how you feel. I tend to retreat into “hermit crab” mode just like you and with him, I feel safe. He accepts it. And like you, I’m very independent so learning to trust isn’t easy. Maybe instead of counting down til he’s gone, just look at it like one step closer to finally being together and married. Take a positive approach. Plan your wedding, take pictures and make an album for him while he’s gone – it’d make a great coming home gift! You are a great writer, so write letters to him. My man and I have what we call mini-date nights where we just hole up in our bedroom, watch movies or listen to music and eat a special treat. I spend time planning our mini dates for when he comes home and that’s fun! But when it gets hard and you’re really missing him, just find comfort in knowing he’ll be back! Good luck to you!

    Reply
    • Well, it helps to know I’m not alone with this though I’m sorry you have to go through the same situation with your guy. I try my best to keep busy which is why I picked up so many days this week to distract myself from the fact he’s gone for work again. I love the idea of taking pictures for when we are separated, definitely I’ll getting a nice little album of my bachelorette party and the parts of it I want to share with him. 😉 I really love the idea of writing letters and maybe making little care packages for him, that’d probably be nice. I gotta look on the positive and need to keep reminding myself of this. Thank you for the great ideas and the sweet comments too!

      Reply
  2. I can relate lady.
    My hubs just left on Monday and wont be returning til Feb 21.
    Sucks I know.
    I hate sleeping with the gun but its the only way I CAN sleep.

    Reply
    • Aww, I know that you have to deal with your hubby being gone a lot and it is just really rough when they travel so much. Just a couple of nights ago I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard a paper hit the floor, everything is scary at night when you are alone!

      Reply

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