Knock on my shell and maybe I’ll let you in

I’m grappling with something, mainly my resistance to connect with the people I consider my friends from work and at the same time a strong feeling to spend time with them. I know what I’m doing but I don’t know the answer to what I want. I’m protecting myself, like I’ve always done since I was just a kid. I’m making an attempt to push people away, to sever the ties prematurely and have them just see me on my work days where I can easily fake it until I make it. There isn’t any chance anyone would pick up on my dilemma, my fear, sadness, and apprehension about my move.

I don’t feel like I can keep that brave face going if someone was anyone with me for an extended time. I’m afraid I’d crack, and I’m not allowing myself to crack until the bitter end and when I finally do have to let people know I’m leaving.

I know that I am at least going to try to take out one of my Spa girls out for her birthday and I had this planned way before I knew I was going to move. I’m planning on taking it easy on the drinks because I’ve noticed alcohol is no help whatsoever for me keeping secrets.

There is a bit of a dilemma I’m having. A couple of the girls at work know I’ve been battling with wedding dresses and they want to help me out on my quest. One of the girls is the gal who is going to be throwing my bachlorette party (and she requested the day off work), the other is my friend who I first told my engagement. Both girls want to help me search for wedding dresses, both think that they are more up to the job than the other girl. Which kind of gets me to laugh since they are so adamant they are the best pick to go shopping with me, when I warned the both of them I am a beast when it comes to shopping. I am not a girl when it comes to shopping, I get depressed and angry clothes shopping and it gets even worse when dresses are involved.

My one friend our schedules seem to mesh for with her coming with me for dress shopping, while the other gal our schedules are completely opposite and unless if she took a day off work there’d be no way we could do it. I’m thinking about proposing a wedding dress adventure maybe this coming week, but I don’t want my one friend to get upset about it. It’s just we have opposite work schedules, she works nights, while my one friend and I both have the same day off so that’d be easier.

I never thought getting a dress for my wedding would be such a big deal. I thought I’d find that it’d be an easier time since I don’t have to have an actual, white wedding dress. I’m pretty sure the color is not an issue, I’m okay with something that looks good on me. The problem is trying to find that one dress that really looks good on.

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5 Comments

  1. Have fun!!
    I like the fact that the girls are making themselves available to you.
    Quite thoughtful!!

    Reply
    • I’ll try to have fun, but it’s difficult with me and dresses! Yeah, I thought it was funny but nice that definitely two of them were really into going dress shopping with me… it surprised me! Oh, and thank you for the blog nomination, that was very sweet of you!

      Reply
  2. P.S. I nominated you for a blog!!

    Reply
  3. We have so much in common. I hate shopping!!! It isn’t fun to me at all. If I were in your predicament I’d probably just have to be honest with them. Tell them shopping for your wedding dress is a personal thing you’d rather do alone. It’s great that they both want to be involved though. My problem is I’m not a fan of becoming too close to co-workers. I work with them but it doesn’t mean I have to hang out with them so a situation like this would probably freak me out! Seems you are handling it way better than I would!

    Reply
    • Ha, very rare to meet another gal who doesn’t like shopping, it seems like it should be in our genetics to like it! Yeah, I normally try not to get too close to my co-workers but there are a few girls I love so I can’t help being excited to see them and I sometimes share my personal life with them. I don’t know, I think I’m handling it okay now but they seem to think it’s a challenge to handle me with clothing and they say they are up to the challenge!

      Reply

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