How old am I to you … five?

My brother seems to have this mental block against me getting older. I can’t blame him for it because I still have a mental block that he is getting older, and we both are moving on and gaining more years each year. I still remember when we were in the same house and he’d just leave messes everywhere and would never put his food away and you could tell he was snacking at night. I also remember when I’d go downstairs and catch him with the gallon of milk in his hand just drinking it out of the carton.

Well, needless to say I let him have the milk every time I knew he was doing that … which was always.

Now, here we are with him living in the city and me living with my fiancée. Both of us pretty much moved out of the nest, though my brother still hasn’t visited my new love nest with my fiancée and the apartment I’m living in. I think he’s creeped out by the thought of it especially since he still seems to think of me as a child.

Why, whenever I turn a year older he remissness about how I used to not talk, and walk, and how when I did talk that it was just babble that made absolutely no sense. He sees me as someone who can’t make it out on my own, who still is this child that hasn’t quite grown up. Yet, I have grown up, and not only that, I’m making quite grown-up decisions for myself. Like marriage, and moving, honeymoons, and having the only support system be my fiancée. My brother is very protective of me and thinks that anyone I date, or anyone I’m with romantically, isn’t good enough for me.

And, I don’t get a complex from that, because I only want the best for him. I want him to find someone who is wonderful, but not without her imperfections. Who makes him smile and that girl who hopefully they end up complimenting each other. My fiancée and I aren’t exactly the same, yet that ends up being a really good thing. The few times I lose it or I’m up in the air, he helps to bring me back down and is my support. While I’ve always known I’m an old soul, he has just this innocence about the world. He looks at things and ends up finding the good, which ends up being the opposite of me because my mom always raised me to expect the world, and people, are out to screw you or harm you in some way.

My family never verbalize how they really feel about each other. We have a mean sense of humor and take picking on each other, belittling one another, as showing ‘love’ lots of times. I’ve always been a sensitive kid, I can’t help it, so I’ve been hurt more times than I can count. It helps though for me to stay true to who I really am, even though I was raised where we say something like, “you’re a piece of shit, ha ha!” and mean it as a term of endearment.

I will say nice things when they come to me, and try to never go down to having a mean spirit. I’m going to keep on growing even though my brother, or even my mom for that matter, still think I’ve stopped growing and I’m younger than I am. Even at five years old I had a sense of the world of being like a seventeen year old, I’ve always felt older than I actually am. And even though my brother will take a long time to accept that I have found the one, my husband, and I’m in his hands, I’m going to be patient with his acceptance.

I know, in the end, that I want my brother to find the best person for him and I have a hard time accepting a girl to be the right fit. He treats his girlfriends very well and is a great partner, and every girl he’s been with has kind of used and abused him. I hate seeing that happen, and I know with my bad relationships my brother hates seeing that happen to me.

I couldn’t ask for a partner in life, and crime, than my fiancée. He is wonderful to me and I couldn’t think of anyone better to spend my life with, wherever my life may end up being. My brother may not see this for years, but that’s okay, because I know how I feel.

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2 Comments

  1. Its good to know that my family is not the only emotional challenged peeps out there.
    How old are you anyways?

    Reply
    • Oh, I think there are many emotionally challenged peeps out there, especially when it comes to families! And I’m like 24, and my brother is around in his 30’s or so.

      Reply

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