I need to be strong because you need it

I was told by one of my co-workers that she was going to see the doctor about something. And, she got her results today. It was pretty much one of the worst case scenarios, she has a tumor, and it’s in her brain, and I kind of thought of everything else it could have been. But, when I saw her today and she was off work yesterday I knew it couldn’t be good. The thing is I really do like her, so finding this out hit me like a ton of bricks. I had this horrified expression on my face which must have been so bad that she told me to stop before she cried even more.

So, I sucked it up and sucked the tears back into the ducts. I kidded around while inside I was spinning. I’m needing to be strong for everyone, for my fiancée, for my family, for my career, for the unforeseeable future that may be coming. Yet, for this day, that strength meter was pretty much tipped a little too much and I felt like I was fighting the need to break down all day. The day didn’t help because instead of being busy, I wasn’t, so I couldn’t hide in my room, massage, and not come out until the end of my shift where I can just go home and then process through it.

She’s someone I’m close to, as close as you can get to me. I’m holding everyone at a distance and keeping that up for a while. This is my battle to fight and not anyone else’s, but I let her know if she needs me to step in or lean on or anything that I’m there for my co-worker. There’s not much I can do, except let her know that the support is there.

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2 Comments

  1. oh dear. I’m so sorry about your work colleague. I went through that process with someone much more closer to home… my cousin! Back then, I didn’t know much about cancer and I didn’t exactly know the consequences of his diagnosis so when we came to know he had cancer we weren’t so horrified. Nowadays I know everything about cancer and I don’t know how I’d react if someone told me they were diagnosed. Just try to be strong for your friend. Remember she needs a lot of support and people she can lean on right now. May that will give you the right motivation to be strong for her!

    Reply
    • I’m so sorry that this happened to your cousin, is he doing okay? We don’t know if it’s cancer or not, or what it might be, only that it’s a tumor. I feel like this is the worst time because you just don’t know what you’re dealing with and it’s still fresh for her so I don’t want to upset her by talking about it. I gotta stay strong for her, but I know she doesn’t ask for help so I don’t know quite what to do. I think that she is going to go to a great hospital, but it’s going to be really expensive., I think with where she is going it is the best possible place she could go to. It’s just hard because I feel a little lost as to what to do.

      Reply

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