When does being nice pay off?

I know that being nice doesn’t have to exactly pay off. It’s that ‘feel good’ feeling you get when you do something right. But, I am the type of person who gets taken advantage of. Who gets stepped on, laughed at, and otherwise disregarded. Which, is why, I’d try to keep people at a distance, not do nice things, and go on with my life without anyone in it except for my family. Getting burned hurts, yet it hurts and scars even more when you are a sensitive soul. As a kid I was sensitive, and as I’ve gotten older I have tried to combat that side of me to no avail.

It might possibly be a part of my DNA. It’s not like I’m sensitive like watch a movie and start crying because of a sappy scene. No, luckily I have a handle on that and very few movies have gotten me to cry. It’s more of a doing too much, showing too much of yourself, giving too much so that you feel kind of raw. You feel a little overused, and a lot under appreciated.

I just want me to be a bitch sometimes. I kind of want to not care. I want to be the one doing the stepping, the pointing, the laughing, the mistreatment. Of course, I’m typing this but I don’t think I could ever be that.

And, the time I most successfully have been like this has been trying to scare off prospective males. I was definitely quite nasty to my fiancée the first two nights we met but even when I was playing my cards well, he could see through to my hand. I kind of want to have a tougher image, because truth be told, I am a lot stronger than people know. People seem to think they know me, yet they don’t really. I’m not one to share what has happened in the past, present, or what’s in my future. I’d rather have my clients, my co-workers, talk about themselves than me share anything about myself.

I just sometimes don’t understand why I do nice things. Like it’s some kind of genetic thing that I’m predisposed to doing and I can’t resist it. How can I learn to tone down my niceness? Because being stepped on kind of hurts after a while and getting stomped on is rather annoying. You gotta learn to grow a turtle shell to protect yourself, but mine keeps coming off. It’s cold and harsh out here without my shell.

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2 Comments

  1. I know how you feel.
    I am totally like that… but in time I became bitter and went the other way … just not giving a shit.
    Do me a favor…. start standing firm. Being nice isn’t all that great.
    Or you might end up like me…. careless.

    Wow… that was some scary advice.

    Reply
    • I know you are kind of like me and it’s so hard not being walked all over. When people know you are nice it’s like they smell blood and just plain attack you with being a jackass.
      I think that people who deserve my kindness, I will keep it. For others who may not give a shit about me, I will just resist any and all urges to do something nice for them just because I’m too dumb not to listen to my more rational side.
      I do appreciate the advice though, it’s just you get pretty jaded when you keep on being a giving, caring, nice person and I do want to save that part of my for the man, but also the people who I think care about me too. Like you said, you begin to careless when you get stomped on too much for being who you are.

      Reply

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