It’s creepy, and wrong, and just doesn’t feel right!

Okay, I know, everyone needs alone time. Everyone needs to experience who they are and basically get some time off to themselves. I spend many a time playing on my lap top while the man sits out there and watches TV. There is no claiming of the remote control, he can flip channels as much as he pleases. But, no, he doesn’t flip. He prerecorded everything which is a new concept to me because I have always flipped to my destination of what to watch. He likes the control of fast forwarding through commercials. Me? I really don’t mind commercials and find some of them pretty cute.

What is wrong, and what I can’t seem to feel right about is not having him here right now. Not having him in another room, or someone, but mainly not having the man here. He left for the business trip today, and while he’s been used to being alone for a long time before I came along, I’m… not. There’s always been someone there for me to come home to. And since I’ve moved in I treasure even more that I come home to him. He says hello to me, we hug, I whine until I get my feet massaged or something, and we always, always, say goodnight to each other. It’s a ritual I’m already digging since I’ve moved in not too long ago. We hug each other before we go to sleep, say “I love you” and then go to sleep. Because I’m a light sleeper, and he’s become more of a snorer, we have like a schedule for what bed we sleep in.

I sleep in the King bed Thursdays and Fridays, we sleep together on Saturday nights with me stuffing ear plugs because I’ll focus on anything and not fall asleep sometimes. I’d normally give him back the King bed on Sundays, and Mondays, while I’d put myself away in the Queen bed. But, even if we don’t sleep together, we still say goodnight and have our little ritual.

It feels less safe by myself, which, I know, is crazy. It’s just it doesn’t feel the same. Or right, for that matter. It’s off putting, and while I try to tell myself to enjoy the control of the remote because I never hold that power in my hands to do whatever I want with it, I still wish I was watching it with him. This is the first night where I’m alone and he’s on his business trip, so of course it’s rough. I’m even up much later than I should or normally would be. He just kept on telling me on the phone he’d be back on Thursday. Which, I get, I know, but it doesn’t take away this feeling that this apartment is so empty without him here.

We went to my work meeting and party. I’m hoping he had a good time meeting my girls from work. Say what I may about where I work, but when it comes down to it, it’s like a second home, and just like a second family. I’ve been working there for 3 years now and some of the people I’m closet to in my life besides my family are girls from my work. The girls today kept on telling me how cute he is, and how cute we were, and quite a few of them said they were glad I brought him with. I was too, and it was stepping out of my comfort zone in a way. I’m a private person, keeping my life at home a closed book, but I was happy to show them the man who I was getting married to. Who I couldn’t help but to share with them again and have him meet my gals. The last time he went to one of our work things I was doing the softball game and there wasn’t really a chance to introduce or anything, I was freezing my butt off!

I had like 8 glasses of sangria, one spiked with some vodka at the party. It was delicious! And, I got myself a nice little buzz on too. He kept on calling me a lush, which may be true, but I’d never admit it! I didn’t get my grove on, and stuck with the man so he didn’t feel like I was abandoning him because I know at his work or friends thing he takes me to I always feel misplaced. There was certainly enough estrogen at the place to scare any guy into running for the hills!

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2 Comments

  1. Awwww yeah I know how you feel.
    I was freaked out last night!

    Reply
    • That was very freaky what happened to you last night! I’m just a big wuss, I swear. If you had me watch a scary movie without the man around in the apartment I’d be waking up every minute to make sure something wasn’t out there to get me!

      Reply

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