We aren’t dating anymore, so what is it? It’s ‘We.’

This whole, moving back and forth, being at his place, being at the folks, migrating and being a gypsy caused us to be in a sort of perpetual dating stage. Which, it wasn’t quite dating in that sense of those first 3 months where you pick up some new clothes, make your hair just so, and then meet at a certain place, butterflies in the stomach flying around. More in a settled, ‘I’m living with you but I’m not’ kind of stage where you can wake up in the morning, stumble out of bed, and not cause him to run away screaming.

I’m always amazed at that. Waking up in the morning I look like the walking dead. Hair is such a mess, throat is parched, walking with a sort of low energy shuffle into I fully wake up. And the man still calls me pretty. Which, I call him crazy in response, and I don’t feel like I’m presentable until I take my necessary shower to wake me up and tame my hair.

We will be to that married couple state without being married. Comfortable to be with each other and getting into that whole role of always having the other to come home to. It probably won’t hit me until the week day the transition and move. He and I are always together on the weekend, it’s our time, but the week day is when I travel back to the folks.

It’s not just ‘I’, but I am seen as a ‘We.’ Which is strange, because I’ve never really been a ‘we’ before. Even with my ex it was a long distance relationship so there was that little bit of time together, but most of the time it was time off. Which it turns out that it’s nice to come home to him after work on these weekdays. It’s relaxing, safe, and just feels right. Sometimes he sends a little text to my phone when I’m in the other room that says I’m pretty or something like that and it gets me to smile. Which is much needed after a not-so-busy day and with an odd client at the end.

To be honest, I haven’t felt quite so pretty lately. Or, that well. I’ve been feeling tired, stressed, and a little out of whack. Which, messes with ‘sexy times’ with the man but I think I’ll get back together soon. It’s just making these adjustments, and how hard I’ve been trying and pushing at work to meet and break my numbers they set for me, and getting used to everything. I feel kind of worn and torn, and have randomly been battling with pain in my wrists, arms, an upset and unhappy stomach, on top of other things.

I think something that might help is taking care of myself. Getting a haircut, massage, facial (not in all one day, of course) to make me feel like I’m doing anything for myself. I work with these girls who look gorgeous all the time, it is the beauty industry, of course, and are super skinny and make-up and perfect hair and I think it gets to my head sometimes. I don’t want to be that, because it isn’t me, but I take a look at myself and it’s just… meh. Especially after work, where I’ve sweated inside of my massage room since the air conditioning doesn’t kick on until after I’m done with a client and it feels like I’ve been boiled alive like a lobster in a pot.

Not a pleasant feeling… at all. So, I think I’ll feel more in harmony once I feel a little more settled. But, for now, it’s kind of like an up and down roller coaster of feeling not-so-hot and wanting to isolate myself sometimes. He’s so sweet though and always reminding me I’m pretty, even if I don’t quite believe him.

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