Don’t put me in that closet, I’ll scream

I've been good! Really... seriously!

Every single 6 months (it used to be 3 months, they pushed it back a year or so ago to the 6 months) I am taken into a teeny, tiny room that makes it difficult to breathe, move, and escape because the door is closed. It’s a claustrophobic space that whenever they invite me to sit down in the seat, and close the door behind me, I start to hypervenilate and think of excuses I can use to flee the situation:

I have to use the bathroom. I have to… you know, throw myself in front of a car real quick, be back in a sec…

I absolutely cannot stand getting in trouble, and though I can only count on one hand the few times I’ve actually gotten ‘in trouble’ I still hate that damn room. It shouldn’t have the name ‘room’, it’s more like a closet.

And closing the door is the icing on the poisoned cake. Thus forcing me into a very confined space which is something I also do not like… my personal space being invaded. And, hell, there’s no way you can’t! That office is so small you are practically on top of the other person’s lap if you don’t watch yourself. Which, I don’t think you’d get brownie points for. Though, my goofiness and humour has gotten me out of many a situation. If you can make them laugh they can’t keep too stern of a face when talking to you, and that I make sure is a necessity when that door closes.

Now, me, personally, I do not feel like laughing. I force out the goofy, even though I’d rather go inside of a hole and come out when it’s over. I maybe think about clawing at the door so someone will let me out like a dog.

We have a self-evaluation form that’s given to us. Every time there is something about goals, or having 3 things we’d like to improve. Now, I’m not so into goals. I think I’ve told them that once or twice before, and they’ve told me, Sarah, you have to be into goals. (I remembered when this happened, New Years Resolutions, every year I say I’m totally not into them. I will just break them.) So, I kept my mouth shut after that but I’m more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type of person. I plan for something and then the plans don’t work, so I end up expecting the unexpected.

It’s like my actual career. I can’t just plan to have clients and be booked every day. I expect the unexpected because I may have nothing in the beginning of the day, and end up with the whole day booked out. If I had my own idea that it was going to be slow, and depended on that, and wanted to get out early (totally not me, but for example) I’d be pretty pissed and worked up. So, I stay low and mellow, like how I like to be.

And don’t even get me started on retail. It’s my eternal struggle and losing battle. If I don’t reach my retail ‘goal’ for an average of 6 months I don’t get paid vacation… guess what? I’m not getting paid vacation. I’ve never met that goal as an average. It is so frustrating and I try my darndest, but to no success and it’s been a three-year losing battle to reach and hold onto what I’m ‘supposed’ to be doing with it. Even when I manage to grab a high retail month (by stealing as many walk-in retail people that I can…) I still average out to: crap.

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1 Comment

  1. in a small room, I often get the idea. Maybe you, too 😀


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