The Devil’s Advocate

So, it was my birthday, gone and past, happy birthday to me, all that stuff. I spent my birthday at work, which some may call crazy, I didn’t mind it. I think that my manager for that day kept me around and didn’t send me home early because she knows how much I love my hours and hours = precious money. I got a cake from one of the girls, which was super sweet, a card from the same gal, my little esthetician, lots of birthday wishes from my co-workers, and my actual birthday was nice. I had so much chocolate and sugar that I started oozing a syrup-y substance for sweat.

Okay, not quite that far, but the fiancée got me a cupcake from a nearby chocolate lounge, some chocolates from there too, and the gift and card that his mom got me for my birthday. My family got me a gift card, a new purse, wallet, some chocolates, a cake we haven’t torn into yet, and my brother took me to my favorite Chinese place I go to every year since I was 6 years old. My family celebrated after my actual birthday, but that’s what we usually do. The fiancée has been out-of-town, yet again, for work and he just got back the day before.

He and I have been trying to figure out the money situation with me moving in. I keep on trying to find out a way to do it, but he makes more than 3 times what I make so it’s obvious that I wouldn’t give half, because what we’re looking for apartments is my entire paycheck for 1 month of rent. I know that he thinks the person who makes the most, pays the most, which of course works more in my favor because I make so little… especially when I don’t pick up every day of the week and I don’t make that precious overtime which is so exciting for me to see.

I know that if I ever did make more than him, which is unlikely, the scales would tip in his favor but this is probably pretty unlikely with my career. Unless if I go off on my own, but I depend too much on a pretty consistent check to do that, and with this economy it’s not smart to do so. This whole money situation has me on edge, but I know when it comes down to it it’s the right thing to help out.

My mom loves playing the devil’s advocate. She especially loves doing so knowing how crazy I am when it comes to money. It’s all thanks to her and my delinquent father. My father is currently doing more stupid stuff with money, she’s yelling at him, he resents her, she resents him, and they are still having daily fights with money. Especially since my father spends god knows how much money until he has nothing left in the bank. Then, he asks my mother for money, even though he had more than enough if he didn’t run off and waste it all. So, she likes to say how I shouldn’t be asked to pay for anything.

She recently tried to get my brother into it. My mother stated, “Well, you didn’t make your ex pay for anything, did you?” Asking my brother with his infamous live in girlfriend of 2 years who paid nothing toward rent even though she lived there every day of the week. I countered with asking my brother, “Wouldn’t you have liked it if she did help out?” To which my brother mumbled a “Yeah” in response. I can’t be pushed into becoming my mother and taking advantage of my husband. My mother made my father pay off all of her credit card bills when they first got married, and is quite proud of that. That is not a good foundation to start a relationship on… obviously, since my mother talks about divorce and how much she can’t stand my father daily.

I’d never do a joint account, it’s just not my thing. I’m well aware of how I am even looking at my own online account, let alone if it was ours, I would be going at my fiancée’s throat if it was our conjoined money for that Starbucks, that lunch he went out for work, etc. With our money separate I know that with us being married that it does affect the both of us, but I see the stuff he spends on as his money and what he wants to do with it he can. I do think he can keep a better tally of it to be aware of how he can save more, but besides that he pays off his credit card every month without a problem.

I’m trying to save as much as I can before I move in and have to give my part towards the rent, so I’ve been putting an even tighter belt on my spending. As if that’s possible, but I’ve been definitely pushing it. Once I move in I will have a limited amount to save, compared to how much I’m able to living at home with the folks.

But, it doesn’t matter how much I save, because living in this situation with my mother and father hating each other is a volatile situation. Hanging out with my mom every day until late at night to avoid seeing my father for the day is not the way to live my life. Them screaming at each other when they do see each other and me going in my room to avoid it is not great either. I love living with a man who gives me affection, hugs, and having him come home or coming home to him makes me feel better at the end of a rough day. That is definitely worth a lot.

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