I’m a Breaker Up-er

Breaking up is hard to do...

I’ve broken up with every guy I’ve ever dated, and if you like, you may call me mean. I certainly would do it all over again, but this has given me a rougher sense of how it feels to be broken up with. My poor brother has been broken up with, the then girlfriend doing the ‘breaking up’, every time. And, the most recent time was a woman from another country who broke up within 2 days of him visiting her. That’s where you tell the guy before he does that that you are no longer interested, but she ended up whoring around with someone in a bar and making sure my brother noticed it.

And, currently he is going into another relationship. Jumping back on the horse before the saddle even gets cold from his last trip through a relationship. But, hopefully with this woman she will not rip his heart out, stomp on it with her heels and then move on.

The fiancée has also been the one who has always broken up with who he has dated. He will just know that he doesn’t want to be with them and will end it. Yet, I know the scenario didn’t quite fit when I met him, and even when I saw him from across the room when we first met. I liked him, no, really liked him and so, of course, I was mean.

I went out with this one guy who was older than me, but nothing ever developed romantically. I was head over heels about him, but he was a total dope, had no clue, and I had to give up any intention of furthering things. The first guy I dated romantically was a jerk, a complete asshole, and it was definite wasted time with that ex.

I learned that I never wanted to be treated that way. I was verbally abused, told I was ugly, made fun of for how I looked, told I was slow, stupid, no good, going nowhere, I was never good enough. Every time I talked to this guy there was something that was my fault but never his. If we ever did meet it was on his terms, his place, his time. He had nothing good to say about me, but yet, stupid me, I stuck in a relationship with him for 2 years. I thought I deserved what he said to me, how he treated me, how he looked down his nose at me. He cancelled on me, making me wait to see him, and then not showing up, so many times that I really did believe that it was my fault.

Finally, I broke it off with him, and I refused to talk to him. He nonchalantly emailed me as if nothing happened, even though I said we were done. He didn’t understand what was wrong with me, and the emails got angrier as I continued to ignore him. It took me years to purge him from my system.

I dated one guy who was my age. One of the worst dates ever, and I certainly didn’t see him afterwards for any dates. I met him in my Psychology class and we had nothing in common, and he fist pumped his chest and talked the entire time we saw the movie. He also seemed to think I was much more innocent than I definitely am, and though he spent all his time at the gym, I found nothing attractive about him. He would look at my legs and wiggle his eyebrows at me. Ew.

My next long-term relationship treated me very well, but… there were some issues. He hadn’t worked a day in his life, was ‘independently wealthy’, was what he called ‘submissive’, couldn’t take charge, cried constantly and for no reason, used manipulation to get what he wanted, and held things against me and was a ‘grave digger’ when it came to arguments. I wasn’t that attracted to him, but he came in my life right after the abusive jackass so I just loved being treated so kindly. He appreciated the little things I’d do for him, like cards, and notes, but was extremely needy and his mom controlled him in every aspect of his life. Plus, it was long distance, so once we had to figure out how to make it not long distance the relationship came to a head and I had to end it.

I didn’t want him moving to where I lived if I knew, especially in my heart, that I was not as crazy about him as he was for me. I wrestled with the break-up for a while, and finally got the push from him telling me that his mother called me a whore and he agreed with her. It all erupted when I told him I wasn’t signing a lease, especially since I was going to go to massage school and had no income. He ended up screaming that his mother was right that I was there for only his money and said I was a whore.

I broke it off with him, and was so happy when I had the strength to do it. I’ve had dates here and there, but mainly I end it after the first date especially when they annoy me. I don’t have any guy friend’s, though I don’t have really any ‘girlfriends’ either. Once the relationship is done, it’s done, and all strings are cut off.

Yeah, so I’m that person who says, “Well, it’s not you, it’s me, this is just not working out…”

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