Stay Strong

So, I’ve been staying strong to not give loan my mother the money, as she likes to say. “You aren’t giving me money, Sarah, blah, blah.” It’s funny, but the fiancée is reading a “5 languages of love” book and was excited to tell me something regarding my mother. I wanted to ask him if he had discovered the holy grail? The secret to how she ticks, and why she does what she does to me. So, I asked him what it was and he excitedly told me that my mother’s way of giving/receiving love must be a gift giver.

So, in a rush of words, he said, “Maybe you should just buy her something since that’s her way of seeing what love is!” Or something around that. I just laughed, my mother definitely shows love by gifts. She buys you this or that and then reminds you of what she bought. Then she guilts you with what she bought if there’s something she wants. But, if you get her something she tends to either say that you’re an idiot for spending your money, doesn’t say thank you, tosses the gift out, or whatever. I used to make her little handmade gifts as a kid and she ended up tossing them out, it’s why I don’t give her cards now. I talked to her, after the fact of my grandmother’s stuff was taken away from me just because she felt like it, how she upset me.

My brother, as he put it, only has a tiny box with stuff passed down from his grandfather, and father, and that’s it. My family is very small, there is my brother’s side with his father, and then I basically have my mother. I told her how I didn’t want anything from my father’s side of the family. She laughed in my face and asked how the hell would I expect anything? I’d get nothing from them anyways, because I’m not important to them.

Wow, mom, thanks. Like I didn’t know I was the black sheep of my father’s family since the day I was born. And, well, I’ve just separated myself from them now that I’m old enough to make my own decisions and not be forced to see them and deal with them.

I think once I move in with the fiancée and we move into a new apartment together things will be a 100% better. I’m scared in a sense of moving in because I don’t know how it will be, but I also know nothing makes me happier than driving home to him especially after a hard day. He takes care of me, hugs me, and it just feels better being next to him just watching T.V. I know I can get crazy about my stuff, where it goes, where his stuff goes, and having a little nest for myself with certain areas being “mine” but hopefully I won’t be too bad.

Oh, and I also need to figure out the exact date when we’ll be doing the courthouse and our honeymoon. Probably in April, but I don’t know what time in April. Or where or which courthouse it will be, so we’ll see.

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  1. Where do you live? If you live near me I am going to your wedding!

    • Ha, there’s no wedding to go to! He and I are stopping by a courthouse, getting our marriage license, then going on a honeymoon afterwards. I still don’t know if that’s what we’ll do, I just can’t seem to set the date!

  2. tknologlvr

     /  February 16, 2011

    Try Momma rest for about a month and see if both of you get more clarity.

    • That woman would never get any clarity, it’s her way or the highway. I just end up accepting her for her craziness and it helps to talk with my brother. He and I definitely get her and he helps to talk me through stuff.

  3. your good


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