Love makes my world go round

I couldn’t be happier when I’m with my fiancée, he definitely keeps me grounded and things feel more secure, right, and I feel less tired, the pain isn’t as bad, and just a lot more at peace. I’ve never really let down my guards as much as I do with my fiancée, which I think is the point of having that special someone who is so close to you, right? But, for a person like me it’s near impossible. I’d rather push people away then keep them close, so it’s been an uphill battle to strip away those layers when it comes to being alone with the man.

Work kind of hit me upside the head. Then bulldozed  me. Then kicked me. We aren’t doing so well, hours need to be cut, and I feel like the cut penetrates right down into my skin. There’s nothing I’m more passionate about then I am about my job, career, etc. And, to find out we aren’t doing that well, so much so that we have to cut hours (particularly in the spa) just has thrown me in a tail spin. I took the man out for dinner last night for a post birthday dinner and was completely depressed.

Seriously, I was not just exhausted from a busy day, but I just couldn’t get over the news of hours being cut, etc. And, it carried on today, so much so I couldn’t shake it. I’m worried, stressed out, and praying that things work out. I love the girls I work with, I don’t know what I can do, I feel almost like it’s a personal attack on me, I’m not doing enough and this is a sort of punishment. Every time I feel like I know what I can give toward rent my income changes from paycheck to paycheck. The man and me are going to move in, probably in June, and I just don’t know what we should be looking at in the price range and what I can give.

It’s frustrating, to say the least.

But, that’s the way this career works. There’s extreme highs, and sometimes there’s extreme lows. There are clients who love you, like you, are passive, or just have a stick up their butt. I know I love what I do, but I certainly don’t love living in fear of losing my hours, and the potential of losing my job. That’s my biggest fear, and if I didn’t care about my job this wouldn’t affect me one bit. I do though, so I’m kinda in a tailspin. I really didn’t want to talk to someone about it, because when I’m so passionate about something I definitely go off the deep end with discussing it. It’s just better to nod my head, and just try not to show my emotions like I normally do. Today, it wasn’t normal, and I was happy to be so incredibly busy that I didn’t see anyone all day except clients. It was better to have me locked away.

So, when I got to see the man and spend some time with him tonight it definitely eased things. Helped me get out of the tailspin and maybe point in the right direction. I know I’m definitely in love as much as ever because I’m watching one of those romantic comedies and ooohing and aahhing at all the sweet moments. I know, it’s mush, what can I say.

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2 Comments

  1. I know what you’re going through, other than the fact that my current job is not my dream job and not necessarily something that I love. But I do appreciate that I have it, I need it, and I have made friends at the office. So when they announced more lay-offs, it definitely made me nervous. Made me worry about losing my job and then not being able to afford the house. So I’m trying to just pray about it… I’ll say a prayer for you too. 🙂

    Reply
    • I know that a lot of people must be going through this, especially since my clients tell me that they are experiencing the same thing with their jobs. It’s just hard for me because I am just so passionate about my job, my career, and where I work at, that it makes me literally sick to know we aren’t doing well and to have no say in my hours being cut. I’m just trying to not worry too much about it, but it’s not easy. Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply

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