Is there retribution for laziness?

These past days have been some lazy days for sure, and I haven’t done too much. I’m kinda wondering if there’s some kind of retribution I have to pay for my laziness, for not standing over someone, sweating, working my hands, arms, and butt off. Having 2 Saturdays off is freaky weird, but also very nice too. The man has been sick lately so that has just added to me not doing as much since he’s not up to it. I would tell you that I made myself useful by making New Years resolutions that I won’t complete, or even try to do, but I know myself better than to do that.

I don’t know, people get into such a kick with New Years, with starting anew. It’s like the slate has been cleaned, all of their problems have been wiped away and now they can face it to fix it. It’s like that person who keeps on putting off that they’re going to do something until the next day, this is the procrastinations time to face it, if they want to. But, there’s not much I’d change about myself, there’s no new years resolutions I find that I’d A) Do for more than 1 day and B) I don’t find a necessity to change.

 I’ve lost 15-20 pounds and have pretty much kept it off. Do I want to lose more weight? I don’t really feel a need to, I feel pretty healthy, and whenever I’ve forced myself to lose more weight I do it the unhealthy way by not eating, starving myself, and then when I get to feeling better I gain it all back. I’d vow to eat more veggies except I know that I won’t. I know who I am, and I know certain things I don’t budge on and why make a statement that I’m going to do something when all signs point to the fact that I won’t?

I’m good with money, so that is not really something I need to strive for, to save more. I make sure to limit myself a certain amount a month, and I’m pretty good about it. You could ask me to be more trusting with people when it comes to money, but that yet again is another moot point. I could try to push myself to trust more people, but I rather like being my protective, turtle shell self who doesn’t let anyone in and keeps her personal life separate from work.

I could take up a new hobby. What that is, I have no clue. I could make a resolution to try something the man loves but I don’t have as much of an interest in. I’m not completely against that, so maybe that will be my kinda resolution.  

I believe that every person goes through some sort of change. They are constantly facing new problems, circumstances, challenges, and these things shape them into a different person. But, there is always this part of us that is so fundamentally us that it will basically be that part that defines who we are and won’t ever change. I’ve gone through some major changes since I was a kid, from a shy child who didn’t talk to, to a pained teenager who had a big part of fear being her life, to who I am now.

My confidence was nothing for many years, and for now it’s better, but there is definitely my stubbornness that never changes. Also, I’m still a very sensitive person since when I was a kid until now, I just hide it better. I still shake my head at that old sayingsticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.” Words can hurt like hell, I’d take sticks and stones any day of the week instead of someone saying some asshole thing to me that goes under my skin and stays there for days.

I guess the biggest resolution I could make for me to follow is to not be so damn hard on myself. To not verbally and mentally beat myself up for things I have no control over, or that have already passed and I can’t change it. Besides that one, I don’t find many other resolutions worth my time to think about, let alone try. I’m happy with myself, there’s not much I’d change, and if I’d try to change it, I’d probably give up anyways. If I’m meant to change, it’ll happen, but if not, I just gotta be happy with what I got.

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