Own worst enemy

Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy. When I was younger I would literally beat myself up for doing something wrong. I’d get so angry at myself that I’d hit something, hurt myself, regret doing that, but in the same sense kinda feel like I deserved it. Self destructive behavior, I know, but I’ve slowly tried to rein in my anger. But, I’ve been beating myself up lately mentally and it’s really for something that has already passed. And, why, oh why, is it that I have such a hard time forgiving myself?

I’m getting gifts, wrapping up stuff, doing a good job at work, made my retail goal for the month for work (which is impossible, really, but I did it… for just 1 month) but, it never seems to be good enough. I am just my own worst critic and enemy.

And I am blunt… to a fault. Especially when people get under my skin.

Rarely, do people get under my armour I have to get beneath that into my skin. But, some do, and that is hardly ever.

And, the fiancée is always the sweetest to me. He always has the best stuff say to me, and won’t take me bad mouthing myself. Which doesn’t stop me from doing it, but I always remember that when I first met him that I said, “F*ck that shit!” when he asked for my phone number. That is one of those moments where I was incredibly blunt so luckily I hadn’t scared him away with that, and that was my point when I said that too. But, he’s always there to tell me to stop when I’m saying bad shit about myself.

You should never say stuff that you will regret saying later… but hey, it happens, right? No one is perfect, people make mistakes, and when you are prone to being blunt it’s even worse. You can’t help but to speak your mind and it comes out without even thinking sometimes.  Being at work some people have annoyed me and done some not so nice stuff, or said some not so great stuff to me, which is common, yet in the same sense it builds up and you either hang your head down and take it, or speak up and let them know about it. I do the second, or I end up with my eye twitching.  

It wouldn’t be a job if something didn’t annoy you, right?

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2 Comments

  1. Dude … you always gotta stick up for yourself. Especially if someone thinks they can walk all over you.
    And its not good holding it all in … cause then YES your eye will end up twitching. Thats actually kinda funny.

    Reply
    • That’s what I totally say too, but sometimes I’m a little too too blunt with sticking up for myself, but at least I do it, right? I always wondered my damn eye twitches sometimes and it’s totally cause’ I’ve held stuff in too much. It’s too funny, but super annoying when it happens. Just gotta blurt out I feel and it gets all better!

      Reply

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