Escape

Whenever things get tougher with my personal life I kind of retreat within myself. Escape, but how do you escape something that you can’t run away from? Like, well, the dissolving of your family, of where you might live, and just plain uncertainty. And so, I fall deeper into that, into the arguments between my parents, the inevitable of my Mom’s ‘plan.’ But, she can’t get out of until then, and I don’t know where she’s going, or where I’m going.

My mother and father fight constantly, screaming, fighting, so loud and so out of control. Which is why we stay away from the house, and I can’t explain what it’s like. Which is why I don’t like people asking me, from my work, about my personal life. I don’t like it one bit, and I know they don’t mean anything by it, but I just don’t want anyone to know. So, no one knows.

Work has been good, though I’ve signed up for 5 days in a row this week. We’ll see how that goes.

If I pass out and die at the fourth day in a row. If the massage gods smile upon me and give me no guy massages for all the days.

One of the managers at work is leaving, and she wants to go out drinking on Sat. and I don’t want to go because of A) I don’t want to talk about what’s going on B) I have to work 5 days in a row and 3) the most important, I don’t feel like doing anything on Saturdays… besides lying down on the bed and passing out. So, I told her no, and there is the added point of he’d be gone that day too doing something if I went out and I just want to go back, eat, take a shower and rest after work.

And, like my one post pointed out, I did get drunk before work once and I will never do that again. I am not a slow drinker and I’m not the smartest with it. I’m gonna take it easy.

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3 Comments

  1. Oh, seeing and hearing fighting in your home is horrible 😦

    Do you still live at your parent’s?

    I hope the things get better, more calm!

    X
    Maria

    Reply
    • Well, it’s been like that unfortunately since I was just a kid. 😦

      I sometimes live with my parents, or visit, sometimes don’t. I’ve been staying there more often so I can be with my mom and do stuff with her.

      I hope things get more calm too, but the only way that happens is if we stay away from the house for a long time. It’s rough lately, especially when we run into him. But, what can you do? She can’t get out of it and I want to be there for her so she’s not completely alone. I want to do all I can for my mom.

      Reply
  2. That’s sad. You have to somewhere you don’t want to be for someone you love who shouldn’t be there either 😦

    I hope your mom will find a way to get out of that situation and crappy life.

    Reply

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