Crashing inside and outside

Today was a rough day… scratch that, it was a killer day yesterday. As I thought Saturday was something else. It’s never my clients, it’s never the people I massage, it was just the fact I had to drive somewhere which I never work at and don’t know the set-up, and has such a smaller room, and the fact I had to drive back for an appointment back at the normal place I work at.

It’s the fact that I drove so fast to make it back in time that I nearly got in a car accident.

I didn’t see the red light, I thought there was no light. At the last moment I noticed it at 40 mph and stopped before I crossed it. Another car came from the other different probably a 45 mph or so, just at the moment that I stopped. I was so close to getting hit and I didn’t even know it because I was too stressed out.

I wasn’t myself. I was very off, very in my head. When I came home I crashed terribly. Everyone knows me as a jokester, that person who is up-beat all the time and every time, and I couldn’t be that yesterday. My day wasn’t filled with 6 clients, but I felt that exhaustion like I had worked for 6 straight hours of massaging. And, I nearly got in my first car crash, and if that happened with me on the clock they would probably be, ‘oh, well, you should have paid more attention.’ You shouldn’t be sending me back and forth to another place, in traffic, with construction, in only 30 minutes or less to do it. AND, I can’t clock in at that place, so the tip I got from my client most definitely won’t be transferred over to my next paycheck and I have to watch that.

Why is it that when you aren’t yourself everyone attacks you like vultures? Like sharks who smell blood in the air, they come find you and stab you with question after question. What’s wrong, are you pissy, is it that time of the month? You seem really crabby. (Sometimes I think we all cycle at my work at the same time, makes for some interesting moments when that happens). A manager asked me what was wrong with me, and it went kind of like this:

Manager: What’s wrong? There’s something wrong isn’t there?

Me: No, I’m good, great, yeah … I’m great.

Manager: I feel like you’re lying to me…

Me: I’m always lying. (whoops, a slip of the truth).

Manager: Well, then, what’s up with you? I’ll be hurt if you don’t tell me.

Me: Nope, I’m just fine, okedokee, hunkeedoree.

I don’t want anyone at work to know what’s up with me. Luckily, the conversation ended with that. I don’t need to know managers personal lives, they don’t need to know mine. I like going into work happy, excited, ready to meet new/old people and affecting their lives in a positive way by giving them pain relief or the first sense of relaxation in weeks/months/years. I like to leave my home problems at home, take a deep breath, and push it aside. I gotta be strong, I can’t ever let someone see me weak, which is why yesterday was so hard for me not to be able to break free from the funk.

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  1. I have noticed that too. People start fucking around with you when you´re not in the mood to take it. It´s horrible! Those are the days I rather stay home and hide myself.

    When you´re in hurry you´re very likely to get into accidents! Luckily nothing happened this time 🙂


    ps. Yes, why the boss should know about your personal life if you don´t know about his/hers?

    • Don’t you just hate that? It’s like they know you have less patience so they pick, pick, pick at you until you crack. I can’t stand it, I’d like to just hide out and be left alone but unfortunately with my job I’m working with people all day.

      I don’t know, at my work they tend to pry quite a bit but I don’t let them know a thing about my personal life. I don’t want to know anything about theirs and they can keep it to themselves, they can let me keep my stuff to myself.


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