One Strike and you’re Out

I rarely get pissed off, but I did and then I drowned my sorrows in way too many drinks. To say the least I am hung over today and feeling like complete and utter shit. I was so angry at someone who I was close to and they said some shit that basically blew me out of the water. How could you start something with me before I’m getting ready to work? Why would you tell me to ‘suck it up’ and think that I’d just be fine and dandy? Especially when you’re throwing around my age like I’m a dead beat who has done nothing with my life and who are you to judge me when you should first look at yourself? I avoided them all day and then today I finally talked, pushed back my pride, and tried to get things at least reasonable.

But they won’t be the same. I don’t know why she has to be so angry at me for shit I haven’t even done nor am I a part of any of it. That she asks me how me and the man are probes at it when I just let her talk if she needs to, and if she doesn’t I just leave her alone. I’ve been unbelievably busy lately, and I don’t have time for chit-chat. Plus, I was basically done talking about my personal life with her, so there’s not much to say besides ‘good’ when you ask how I am.

I flip out, and basically say to her that no one will understand what I’m going through right now, and I don’t want anyone to know. That my life is terrible, and at times, especially with my father around, it is a certain kind of awful. I’m at this point in my life that my family is falling apart bit-by-bit and I have no control over anything. And so, I felt so out of control that I drank, drank, drank, to numb it out when a went to someone’s party and thus ended up getting sick for the first time ever.

I had a fun time at the party, but once I got back I just wasn’t feeling well. I got sick for 3 hours and finally went to sleep around 4 am. I had to work today and I was just dying. I’m not much of a complainer but I couldn’t help it, I’d rather just bury myself in a hole and be woken up a week later. I’m still angry about the situation with the attack on me out of nowhere and I think things are ruined with that. I’ve seen my mom deal with too much abuse to take it myself, it’s one strike and you’re out. I don’t deserve to be hurt especially when I didn’t do anything in the first place.

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2 Comments

  1. Try and keep your head up, hope things get better for you.

    Reply

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