Mind is like a battlefield

I’m a type of person who says a lot of shit that goes through their head and I don’t really put up a wall to stop it. Now, don’t confuse me with what I like to call a vomit brain, who is a person who says every single little thought in their head even if it’s inappropriate and mean. That type of person who tells you twenty things at once, some of it very personal, where you cock your head, look at them, go, “uh huh” verbally while you wonder how they can talk that fast without visibly breathing. And wonder if they just insulted you in the same breath of telling you about their cat with the hairball and fuzzy the dog who just ran away… or worse.

No, no, I’m that type of person who doesn’t really care what people think. Of course, every person who says this has a piece of them which certainly does care, which strives to make people like them, and which recoils at the thought of someone not liking them for no reason except for the fact that they don’t like you. But, I live my own way, I don’t and haven’t fallen into peer pressure basically my entire life (but really grade school through college I didn’t fall into pressure, the teens was harder). Girls at work want me to color my hair, that’s not happening, they want me to wear make-up, that’s also not happening, I just do stuff if I want to do it.

And I either like people, or I don’t. Generally speaking I like about everyone and anyone, but if I don’t like someone, there’s a reason for it. I do have to battle myself at times to put up those walls to stop what I might be thinking about. At times that’s impossible, I say it without thinking, smile, and people laugh at my antics. I get away with a lot because I make people laugh, thank god.

Giving out empty compliments is not my way. If I tell someone something I mean it. With working in a spa I could give compliments out like candy, but no thanks, I’d rather it be genuine every time and unexpected.

I’m extremely honest with my job and my career, to almost a fault. I will tell a manager I’m working with what’s up, though I will never, ever, tell someone if I’m tired, if my arms hurt, if my shoulder blades are in a terrible amount of pain, I just don’t want to have what I tell them to be used against me. ‘Oh, hey, yeah, you were tired a week ago how about you go home early?” Uh, how about… no thanks?” Clients will ask me what’s up with them and what they can do to improve themselves, and I will tell them the truth. If they take my advice is another story all together.

And when I’m massaging I try to clear my mind and just listen to their muscles, but that’s especially when my mind can be a battlefield. It can be bouncing around with thoughts of dinner, what I’m going to do after work, my next client, how many hours I have left, so many things at once. It’s hard not to think of things when the person you’re working on is quiet and all you have is the spa music and you.

Leave a comment


  1. I think honesty and being real is always good. It´s not the easiest way, though…

    I must respect people who mean what they say 🙂


  2. People either respect it, or they’re annoyed by it. It’s certainly not easy being honest, but I just lean toward being honest all the time pretty much.

    And I’ve met people who are way too honest too, so it can be taken to an extreme, just like lying can be taken to an extreme too.


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