You can’t complete me

I ask myself a question sometimes, how can marriage work? I’ve never seen a happy relationship with someone being married. There is the own example of my Mom and Dad and that is… beyond messed up. They can’t stand each other, they stay together because of convenience and because it’s easier to pay for stuff if you have another person to help you. There is no affection, love, anything really, especially now. This example of marriage and it being my primary one doesn’t help with answering that question.

Money is what I like to have, what I like to save, but money is something you constantly fight about. Who is taking care of this bill, you bought this, how could you? I’m a saver, and every relationship I’ve had the guy has been a spender. This is one of the problem with the folks, Mom is a saver, and he’s a spender who is just dangerous with money. You can’t just go crazy and buy this, that, if you don’t have much to spare when someone else is tied with you. When you’re married and with someone it’s no longer just his budget, and yours, it’s ours. You need to work as a team financially to be able to tackle things like bills and making sure you keep your head above the water and not sink down with debt.

You need to be open with what you spend and manage it if you aren’t quite the saver. Or, ask for help if you need it. You certainly shouldn’t pretend nothing is wrong while you spend money like drinking water and now you feel like you need to claim bankrupcy.

I come across clients who can’t come in as often because of the economic recession. It’s affected everyone, even the people who were pretty cushy with their money. This is one reason I’m not going out to do a few massages on people I know on my own, but also because I don’t feel ready, I don’t have a room, I don’t know how to drive and get lost very easily if it’s not someplace I know, ect. In the end they are just excuses but I know when I’ll be up to do it. I’ve been lucky enough lately at least to have a client at the end of my day and to be busy. I love being busy, and actually hate it when people send me home. Sending me home = less money = less of a paycheck.

So, I look at marriage, and it makes me nervous. Especially as it looks like my parent’s marriage is coming to a head. This can’t continue, and I don’t think it will, and I don’t trust people. And I don’t like to put myself in a situation where I becomes we, because I’ve always been I. Yet, I can’t deny it makes me happy to be with someone who cares about me, who I can trust, who I can resolve arguments with easily and without extremely hurt feelings. Who loves me for me and takes care of me when I’m sick, and who I know without a doubt will be there for me every time. Who I love to be with and feel this comfort, security, and ease when I’m with them.

 Me and my Mom saw The Kids are all right yesterday, which was a great movie, but touched on the themes of marriage and just how tough it can be. No relationship is perfect, and you will go through tough times, and good, and maybe even some mediocre times too. You have to work to make a marriage work, because instead of there just being one person, there’s two, and you need to talk, communicate, and express yourself to resolve issues or else then you may just come to resent each other.

And I always believe in the simple idea that there isn’t anyone out there to complete you… you’re already whole. That person who you love just compliments you but you should feel whole, happy, and satisfied with yourself before you found them. But, hey, that’s just my thought.

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3 Comments

  1. You’ve hit the nail on the head with all of these points. It shows that even though the only things you see with marriage are that they don’t last, but it also seems that you know what it takes to make a marriage work. Great advice for all to read. GREAT post!!

    Reply
  2. Yes, this is a great post! But believe me, marriages can work 🙂

    Reply
    • I know that you and Egres are a perfect example of a marriage that works. You two communicate, find time for each other, and both love each other very much. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen much of that except for reading it in books. My Mom and Dad are a perfect example of why opposites don’t attract.

      Anywho, glad you enjoyed it and thanks for reading it!

      Reply

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