Worn and Torn

I’ve been busy, which is a good thing because I’m making money. I’m a little more tired than usual and hungry from just plain working a lot. People at work think I’m just this Energizer Bunny that just keeps going, and going, and going. And I do go, and go, and go, without slowing down, without seeming to be tired, with even some sick dance moves when I get to the front desk and they’re playing normal rock music. I’ve had people tell me on a number of occasions at work that they envy my energy.

What they don’t know is that I crash once I come home. I don’t allow myself to feel tired, or slow down, or realize the pain I may be in or the tiredness I may be feeling. My family and the man mainly catch what happens to me when I crash. I’m like a wild bear that has just exited hibernation and is looking to chew and gnaw anything moving past me because I can. Mainly I try to lock myself away so I’m not in the presence of human beings so the people I care about don’t get chewed up in the process.

The one time I snap and don’t stay in my happy-go-lucky mood at work is when my lunch becomes non-existent. Or, it’s when the lunch is so far down, and I haven’t had a thing to eat, that I get that compulsion to gnaw on someone’s arm. I am not a pleasant person when I’m hungry, I just get shorter and my temper can be triggered when normally people can’t touch it.

I’m feeling a little worn and torn and a need to isolate and reboot so I’m bright and chipper tomorrow.

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