Perfectly Pathetic

Sometimes I feel perfectly pathetic… what does this mean? It means I feel like a total girl. That’s not bad, right? Wrong. That means I feel emotional, unsure, uncertain, stressed, second guessing myself, ect. There is no one I know who is harder on myself than… myself. I am my own worst enemy, I think that 99.9% of women could probably and eventually find out that they are their own worst enemy too. We’re tough on ourselves, we can always be better, we can’t show stress and always have to be on top of things. Story of my life, seriously.

I sit here vegging out while the man is sick and not feeling well. It’s a common thing, much to common of a thing. And it’s not just him, it’s either him not feeling too well, or me with my stomach acting up. It’s strange feeling lonely inside of a space shared with someone else. It’s like when you go out with a group of people and still feel lonely because you don’t make a special connection with them and you’re in your bubble away from others. For me I’m just lonely because he’s so out of it it’s hard for him to speak and so I want to leave him alone so he can take it easy.

It’s hard, it’s tough, I wish he’d feel better. I’ve had a lot of stress on me and the few people who can really read me have been seeing past my bullshit (not exactly so, but I don’t want to bring my own drama into work, so I put on that mask) and have asked me what’s up. To which I say nothing and go on my jolly way. I have nothing to complain about with work, my days haven’t been super busy and I’m crossing my fingers I don’t get sent home too much… or at all. Plus, I’ve been getting a lunch, and I remember those days when I wouldn’t get a lunch and I’d be so crabby I’d want to gnaw someone’s arm off. The worse is massaging with the smell of someone’s food wafting in, gotta love that, then you just get rabid with hunger.

I knew I should have gotten a cupcake from the fancy cupcake/chocolate shop, I’ve been craving one ever since I started watching Cupcake Wars. It’d get me out of this perfectly pathetic mood.

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